Welcome Peanut! We have been waiting for you!

I woke up early this morning but I laid in bed staring at the ceiling for at least two hours before I was finally motivated to move. The cats know when my eyes open. Maybe they have such heightened sense of hearing that they can hear my eyelids as they slam open. How they are in my face meowing within seconds of my reaching consciousness leads me to believe so. Or it is just the predictability of my natural body clock. I have been working the same shift for so many years, I can’t stay asleep past 9AM to save my life, unless of course I have stayed up drinking until 4AM and then maybe I will sleep until 10AM. It is stupid.
I stared and they circled me like little hairy Piranha. They head butted me in the face, tried to burrow under my blankets, stuck their wet noses to the exposed skin parts of my body. They basically did their best to drive me out of bed and into the kitchen since I am the one with an opposable thumb.
Maybe it is my birthday that is getting me down? It is only a few days away, and I am now officially out of the age bracket where you say, “Woohoo I’m turning _ today!” I think I may be entering the age bracket where I start lying about my age, but my little preteen looks like a teen daughter would never allow me to do so, and I refuse to be one of those, “Hey let’s pretend we are sisters!” kind of mom’s even though most days strangers ask if we are anyways. My darling daughter always says, “No, she my Mom!” and draws out the “O” in mom with a tone that can only say, You are an idiot!

OMG! As I am writing this I just noticed some commotion in my gerbil cage! We have a baby! Yay! There is only one though, and what I am reading online is that it’s chances of survival are not so good because mom may not be able to make enough milk.  I guess only time will tell…
We named the baby Peanut. I hope she can make it live!

Wow, what a mood swing that was... I could go back and edit, but decided not to. It is more fun this way.

He is my pretty pretty...

Jon has a new song called Cemetery Song. I love it so much. I listen to it over and over again. It is so sad it just breaks my heart. The guitar is acoustic and pretty and simple and his voice is so sad. It makes me want to cry every time I hear it. It is so frustrating to me that this record is not out yet. I just want to talk to people about it. Out of all three records, I think this one is the best that is coming out this year, it blows the new Posies out of the water, and Big Star has got nothing on it. I'm so proud of him.

There's no wondering where you are now
Your so far now
That you can't get any father away....

There's a red sunset on a movie screen
with every shade of evening in between
This is how you will always be to me so it seems
And in your arms I learned to breath
you brought me up and you let me be
Dared to let me go, to set me free...

pretty pictures...

http://www.jonauer.com/Tour2005.html

Just posted Jon's little tour diary via his cel phone on the website.
Pretty silly stuff. Feel free to check it out! :-)

I plan to keep adding them as I get them.

What's been going on?

Well let me see..

My husband is traveling, so my daughter and I have been spending loads of time being girly and doing girly stuff like Shopping, hanging out and gossiping. It has been a lot of fun. I feel like it is such an important time in her life, and we have been given this great gift of having a really solid relationship. It has been great. We do miss Jon quite a bit though. When we do things like go shopping or go out to eat we always miss him. It is like we forgot to bring him along. In ways I am learning that missing someone is quite similar to mourning them. The first few days of it gave me a panicky feeling because I have dealt with so much loss, but this time I know the lost person is coming home to me again.

Something to do with summer and pheromones or something has caused all of the crazies to find me highly attractive. Earlier this week I had a pimp tell me I was gorgeous and then give me his whole line of yadda yadda before I could escape. I thought he was going to offer me a job!
And then today on the way back from my doctor I was followed down the street by a group of guys going on and on about my hair, my shoes, my booty. They were making a lot of racket and whistling. I suddenly started seeing images from A Clockwork Orange. It made me laugh and a little bit afraid. Listen guys, if you find a girl attractive, following her down the street and yelling at her is not a way to get good attention. However, it is a good way to get pepper sprayed.

Speaking of the doctor, I got my clean bill of health today. I had some drama over the last few months which I was keeping under my hat just because I wanted to suss it all out before I went public with it. I remember when I was a kid and got the Chicken Pox, I didn't feel sick until somebody told me I was. I guess I was afraid the same thing would happen here if I went and told everyone what was going on. So I just went on business as usual until it was all over.
Basically I had a big old chunk of cells removed that were precancerous. There was a minor surgery involved just before our anniversary and a helluva a lot of doctors appointments and testing. I got the pathology results today and the doctor told me that had I gone to see her any later I would have full blown Cancer and I was REALLY lucky I went when I did. What an eye opener that was! She said I have to come in every few months to be checked on, but she said that there is a 95% chance I caught it in time and am "cured".
Funny enough, the only reason I went when I did was to break in my new insurance for my new job, so in essence my job saved my life. How ironic!
So having said that, I would like to tell all of you to go to your regular doctors appointments and get your check ups, don't wait until you are sick because if you do, it may be too late.
Now I am putting it all behind me.
Whew.
All of this really made me take a long look at my life, and I have to say, I am OK with it. Life is good and I am a very lucky girl.

In happier news, I turn 31 next Thursday! What happened to the last year? It all went so fast! I am really proud of the last year and how it turned out, so I don't have any regrets. I can only say it was one of the more eventful years of my life!
I walk away from it older and wiser, but mostly older.

That is all for now. Catch you on the flipside!

One Fantastic Bore...

Darian and I went to see The Fantastic Four. I have been looking forward to it since I saw the preview before Batman Returns. I think Jessica Alba is hot and Julian McMahon from Nip Tuck is hot, and Michael Chiklis from The Shield is just a full on badass (and a little hot) so where did they go wrong? It should have been named the Fantastic Bore.

It reminded me of one of those God-awful Disney Channel original movies. I think The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants was more entertaining and that is so not hot.

Second hand news

I am going to put on my writers cap and update the website for Jon today. He is far away from a computer and traveling so much right now he just would not have time to write, but he checks in with me regularly so I figure the least I can do is pass along some of his road stories so far.

He said Paris was three-showers-a-day hot and muggy, but it was a lot of fun. This was the first show to launch the tour. He said they sold quite a few T-shirts (I guess they have special Euro Posies shirts just for this tour) and the crowd was awesome! They had not practiced in a few weeks so it wasn’t perfect, but it went really well for the first show of a tour.

They played with Cheap Star (The band that Ken has been working with and that Jon is going in the studio with for a week before they leave on the US tour at the end of August.) He said during the show both Jon and Ken joined Cheap Star on stage. They are a band to watch if you are in those parts. Jon played the CD for me of rough mixes and it was pretty cool! Funny story, I guess they were late for sound check because the van was “misplaced” Someone in the crew moved it to a safer area for parking and then got turned around when going back to find it. Eventually it was found and they got started. Sounded like the usual first day jitters type of thing to happen. I thought it was pretty funny!

Day two was in Switzerland. There was trouble finding a phone so I didn’t hear much about this particular show.

Show 3; day 4 they are in Dublin, Ireland. Jon called me after the show a little tipsy, but in good spirits. He said that the drive was like 30 hours in the van and on a ferry. I guess the navigator got lost a few times, which made the drive that much longer, but they made it to the venue no worse for the wear. He said they sold several CDs. The crowd seemed very friendly, even while we were on the phone I could hear people coming up saying “Great show!” He called me on Darius’ cell. I am sure we will be hearing from D when he gets that bill! Those silly boys!

So really, they are all in great spirits! Maybe a little homesick, but having a good time and still working out the bugs that come with the start of any tour. It looks like Ireland for the next few days. I will pass on any more show info as I get it.

Another day another dream..

This one consisted of a not pregnant co-worker finding out she is pregnant and then FF to her having a baby girl. We were having an office baby shower for her after the baby was born (In my dream she came early) It was in the Spring next year. It was a happy dream, and pretty vivid. I am just glad it was not another creepy anxiety dream like I had been having!

Last Night:
Darian and I rented the latest season of Dead Like me that came out on DVD yesterday! I am so happy! It seemed like we waited FOREVER for that to come out! We had a slumber party in my room last eve and watched them until I seriously could no longer keep my eyes open. This morning came early and I was TIRED. Of course my little night owl of a child could have watched the entire season! We made it to the 7th episode, tonight we will watch the rest.

It is such a fun show. We love it! And really, I needed to laugh at/make light of death after the last week. It is fantastic for that!

Welcome to my pity party. (I am getting on my own nerves I swear!)

It is 10 PM where Jon is right now. He is probably just arriving at the club they are playing in Paris and getting ready to play. I have been listening to Songs From the Year of our Demise all day and missing him.

I feel like all of my emotions are boiling right under the surface. I have started to tear up an embarrassing amount of times all day. I am usually a pretty tough cookie, but I think I have reached the line.

My emotional cup runneth over.

I am hoping to work out extra hard at the gym today. Sometimes it helps to physically exhaust myself to the point where the emotional exhaustion doesn't matter so much.

So much has changed, another friend is gone, and I am a million miles away from the one person who's hugs always make me feel safe from it all.

Days like this make it hard not to feel completely tiny and insignificant.

This is horrible news…

My friend Michael has died. I worked with him for years at LizardTech. He was often times my lunch companion and he was my mentor on many things when I was learning the wonderful world of technology. He was a really sweet person. The last time I saw him was at the airport in Chicago in the middle of the night, I was leaving and he was flying in. We chatted for a bit and said our goodbyes. I have not been in touch with him since then. I read this on his band Silkworm’s message board today:

Author: tmidgett
Subject: semi-official word on Michael

Hello all,

First of all, thanks for your thoughts.

Second of all, here is the sum total of what we know right now:

Michael and our friends John Glick and Doug Meis were traveling from Shure to someplace for lunch.

They were behind a car at a light.

A young woman, bent on doing injury to herself, ran into the back of the car at a high rate of speed.

Evidently, all three guys were killed instantly.

I'm sure more details will come out over time. But those are the facts as I understand them presently.

I don't have much else to say. Except, again, thank you, all of you.

Love,

Tim
-------------------------

Here is the NBC link on the accident

and She was the one trying to kill herself.

Ronrey.... So Ronrey :-(

This officially sucks. I tried to convince him not to go. I even offered to take care of him for the rest of my life if he just quit his job and stayed home. I said I could get a second job at Tasty Freeze and we could live on ice cream and love. He didn’t buy it. (I think because there is no Tasty Freeze in Seattle…)

A few moments ago I heard a horn honk; it was John Roderick in a big old van sitting outside to take my husband away. And like that he was gone. Whisked away to the airport and then on to Paris.

Listen: God or whoever is running this show, you keep him safe, you make this time go quickly and you bring him home to me happy and healthy! I’ve got my eye on you!

Now Darian goes next to visit grandpa for a few weeks. As I type this I am reconsidering letting her go. I don’t think I have ever been in my apartment alone for very long in my whole life! It is too quiet!

The Anti Betty Crocker

OMG This photo made me laugh so hard! I look so crazy in it!

Conversations on and on and on and on and on and on....

I had the worst dream last night. I dreamt that I woke up and found out that one of my friends was dead. Now having lived through this reality one too many times it scared the crap out of me. It was so real. I got the call and another of my friends was just totally loosing it, so I was trying to help them deal and keep it together myself. We were going through their stuff helping sort things out and get clothes for the funeral. It was all so surreal. I could not shake it all day today. It is still just sitting there like a brick on my chest. I will get over it. Not going to say which friend as to not freak anyone out.

The Posies shoot went really really well. We had a lot of fun. After hearing that song about 300 times I probably don’t want to hear it again for a while, but that is just how it goes. The guys were pros and I feel much pain for the small group of guys who had to roll the stage back and forth like 300 times as well. Poor guys.

My friend Craig took some photos here is the link to that: PHOTOS

I think my daughter has a teeny crush on Matt. She spent the whole day looking all doe eyed at him. It was really cute. Every time I turned around she was following him around. He had a dog and he draws comic books really great. He might as well have been made of Anime in her book! It would not be a bad thing if that is the type of guy she likes when she grows up though because Matt is a really, really good person, so that is good. Thank goodness she isn’t gravitating towards the thug types.

Jon and I have been trying to deal with the fact he is leaving tomorrow.  We are flip flopping between sadness and denial. 

Doing my little "I told you so" dance

I just read that Fat Actress was canceled. Haha! I am so happy the good people at Showtime also recognized what a big stinker that series was! That show is so bad it is embarrassing. I felt uncomfortable watching it in the same way I feel uncomfortable watching Tom Cruise doing an interview these days. You just get all squirmy and embarrassed for the people.

OK, time to get dressed for the Posie video! I took the day off work today too! Woohooo!

Man alive, what an odd couple of days.

So we rented Prozac Nation last eve. I was really looking forward to it but it really fell short for me. I don't think Christina Ricci is a very good actress. I used to think she was until I saw her try to step out of her pouty box and show a range of emotion. She did depressed and solemn pretty well, but she didn't do much else. This character was supposed to be experiencing all of the high ups and major downs of depression, CR is more of a blank slate. (And I am not just talking about her five head!)

I almost forgot to mention that Darian and I had a girls night a few nights back and we went to see Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants movie. I was expecting not to like it, but that was fine, she really wanted to see it and it is part of being a parent, sitting through movies you would not ordinarily sit though. It ended up making us both cry.
Jon said it made him cry too, when he heard we were going to see that movie!! (What a comedian.)
I thought it was a very sweet mother daughter flick. I would not suggest it to anyone else though. At least it was better than that Yaya Sisterhood crap of a movie a few years back!

Posies video shoot tomorrow. I am trying to think of the perfect Rock-n-Roll outfit to wear. I was told I could not wear any dark colors because the band are wearing dark colors. So that pretty much rules out over 90% of my wardrobe! I'm trying out a new wine colored sweater today. Who knows.. I'll probably do some major clothes sorting this evening.

It is one of those:

Memememememe...

If you could do anything:

1- Superhero power: It is a toss up between being invisible and being freakishly strong.

2- #1 Place you would visit: Paris (That will be soon though)

3- Celebrity you would date: This is a 3 way tie between Bob Dylan, Colin Farrell & Angelina Jolie

4- Place you would live: A HUGE apartment in NYC

5- Car you would drive: Don't care as long as it is comfy and it runs and gets good gas mileage and is safe

6- Band you would join: SO MANY... CAN'T CHOOSE... pass...

7- Movie you could live in: The Godfather

8- TV Show you could live in: The Sopranos or maybe Entourage?

9- If you could kiss any animated character: Kermit (I know he is a Muppet, but still)

10- Random Fantasy: *sorry- edited for adult content* ;-P

There is a light and it never goes out

Listening to The Smiths this morning.
Almost forgot how much I love this band!
-----------------------------------

Take me out tonight
Where there’s music and there’s people
And they’re young and alive
Driving in your car
I never never want to go home
Because I haven’t got one
Anymore

Take me out tonight
Because I want to see people and i
Want to see life
Driving in your car
Oh, please don’t drop me home
Because it’s not my home, it’s their
Home, and I’m welcome no more

And if a double-decker bus
Crashes into us
To die by your side
Is such a heavenly way to die
And if a ten-ton truck
Kills the both of us
To die by your side
Well, the pleasure - the privilege is mine

Take me out tonight
Take me anywhere, I don’t care
I don’t care, I don’t care
And in the darkened underpass
I thought oh god, my chance has come at last
(but then a strange fear gripped me and i
Just couldn’t ask)

Take me out tonight
Oh, take me anywhere, I don’t care
I don’t care, I don’t care
Driving in your car
I never never want to go home
Because I haven’t got one, da ...
Oh, I haven’t got one

And if a double-decker bus
Crashes into us
To die by your side
Is such a heavenly way to die
And if a ten-ton truck
Kills the both of us
To die by your side
Well, the pleasure - the privilege is mine

Oh, there is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out.....

One year ago today...

Happy Anniversary baby!

The party was perfect!

We had loads of yummy food stuff and we had many wonderful friends show up. It was supposed to rain, but the day stayed absolutely sunny and beautiful so we got to partake in the fire outside on the patio later which was perfect. Licia has such a great house! She has done so much work on it and it gets even more beautiful every time we go over there.

Photos were taken so I will post them when I get them back.

I felt like there were times when I talked so much I was going to loose my voice, but that is just because I have not been out socializing in a while. There were a few people that I don’t feel like I got to chat with as much as I would have liked to but luckily I will be seeing them tonight at the Canterbury for the going away party. So chatting will happen.

The surprise of the night: Jon gave me a big old box to open in front of everyone. It was super light so I thought it might be lingerie or something. I opened it and it had rose petals and a heart shaped candy box in it. I squeal, “I got chocolate” he says "Open it", so I open the heart box and it contains a little pouch sitting on pretty paper. I open the little pouch and it has a beautiful tennis bracelet that matches my engagement ring and the anniversary band he gave me at Christmas! It is a beautiful white gold band with diamonds and Tanzanite stones in it. (My rings also have diamond and Tanzanite.) We love Tanzanite; it is a precious stone that is actually getting to the point where jewelers will tell you that it will probably be mined out completely in our lifetime. It just doesn’t get the press that diamonds get so they are not as expensive but they are technically more precious.

I was so delighted! What a sweet sweet man!

Here is a photo of it:



Here is the ring I got for Christmas that it goes with:

EXTRA EXTRA!

The Posies will be shooting a video for 'Conversations' this Thursday (the
14th) in Seattle, and they are looking for extras. They will not be able to
pay you, but a hot meal will be provided!

If you fit any of these descriptions (or know someone who does), e-mail a
photo to casting@worthyent.com.

- Asian man and woman, both 40+ yrs old

- Hispanic man, 20-40 yrs old

- African American man, 40+ yrs old

- Two caucasian women 60 + yrs old

I can tell you're the one that I'd bet our lives upon...

(Imagine a very sing song tone here)
"I’m having a partaaay this evening for my anniversary."
Yay! (My REAL anniversary is Monday, but Saturday it is Party time!)
Teehee.

I am on my way out to pick up some booze and nibbles for the big party. I’m so excited! A year. Wow! It went so fast. That is the thing about being happy, time flies by so fast. They say happiness makes your life longer, but I think it makes it feel shorter.
I remember ten years ago when Jon and I first met. He came to visit me for 11 days in Alaska. I remember being so happy and telling myself every day, “I still have # more days before he has to go home, that is a lot of time.” And then in a half of a blink, he had to go. These days I still stop every now and then and look at him and think, “Wow! We really did it, he is here and not going anywhere.”
All I can say is Wow. Life can be pretty cool sometimes.

The ramblings of a rainy Friday...

My heart is sick over the events in London. The people that would do this are monsters who do not value life. Now it is back to waking up and turning on the news with my fingers crossed just to make sure nothing else has happened.

What an undignified way to die. Get blown up on your way to work, or like 9/11, die while at work!
OK, my job is not too bad, I like the people I work with and that counts for a lot, but seriously, I DO NOT want to die at work or in the process of going to work! I waste enough of my life at work thank you very much.
Maybe if I was doing something that was saving lives or saving some portion of the world, or meaningful in any way, but I don't. So if whoever is in charge is listening, I would prefer to die old wrinkly and surrounded by loved ones many many many years from now and NOT AT WORK.
For the record; I intend on celebrating at least my 95th birthday!

This makes it that much harder to say goodbye to my husband as he heads over the pond as well. But like people said after 9-11, the days following attacks there are probably no safer place to be on the planet. So I will think about that when I start getting all Chicken Little about it.

Now that I got that off my chest...

We are still in the midst of planning our 1st anniversary party which is tomorrow! We have decided to go Italian for the party. It seems to be the easiest and since it looks like it will be pissing down rain, grilling will be out of the question. I am going to get a few of those take and bake pizzas and Licia is making some yummy salads and I will be making some sort of Italian dish or another.

Blow Out- I just can't get enough!

As much as I hate to admit this, I will:
I have fallen under the spell of this ridiculous television show on BRAVO called Blow Out. It is a "reality" show depicting the life of salon owner and Egomaniac-secretly-self-loathing-in-the-closet-walking contradiction of a man Jonathan. I HATE this guy, but I think that is why I LOVE this show! I can't stop watching it. I find myself yelling at the screen like a mariners fan during a good season. It is craziness I tell you. Everything that comes out of his mouth is contrived right down to his "Therapist" appointments where he pokes himself in the eyes really hard trying to coax tears all the while his reality therapist leads him through conversations about how he is feeling in a way no licensed, self respecting therapist would.
He has the ego of a CEO of a major corporation (If you have worked for one, you know exactly what I mean) and he stalks around like a peacock. But then he is moved to tears when someone uses his product and says they like it as though he just invented a cure for Cancer.
My favorite Jonathan quote thus far, "Today not even THIS makes me happy!" (referring to looking at himself in the mirror.)

Major props to the ad guy who would not take his shit and probably would have been canned had he not been such a great spoiler for the ego fest on this reality TV. My favorite quote by him, "What, did your beauty school education teach you that?"

Mwahahahaha!

"Let us endeavor to live that when we come
to die even the undertaker will be sorry."
-Mark Twain

I still need a cup of Joe.

Our upstairs neighbors went away for the long weekend so Jon and I have been taking full advantage of their On Demand HBO. We caught up on all of the new Entourage and 6 feet Under. We are quite bummed that they don’t seem to have the new Sopranos on there yet. Oh well. We watched the pilot of The Comeback last night with Lisa Kudrow. Not so great.
I really like ON Demand, but realized it isn’t that worth it when you can rent all of the shows you want to see when they come out. And the reality is it doesn’t have everything you want to see. No L Word, and the movies cost you $3.99 to watch. So it isn’t worth it, but it is fun if you are house-sitting!
Oh and just so everyone knows, in case I didn’t mention it before, Fat Actress is the worse mind numbing pile of dribble on television getting the most hype. I can only imagine it is doing so well because so many vindictive women out there like to see someone who used to be really beautiful making a pig of herself. Kirstie is a funny lady, but this show and it’s one tired joke disappoints me to no end. It is sad really.
Tonight we catch up on Curb Your Enthusiasm which is the show that started this “no script” trend and is the best of the bunch.
I am going and getting my hair done today. My sweet husband surprised me last night and said that I could make an appointment his treat. He said he knew I would love some fresh color for our big anniversary party next week. How sweet is that? Does my boy know me or what?

So we are taking it easy this being our second to last weekend together before he takes off for the rest of the world. It’s gonna be rough, but it is worth it. (At least that is what I keep telling myself.)

Oh, and I almost forgot, we went to see War of The Worlds yesterday! I liked it a lot, there were parts that I swear came straight out of my nightmares though which gave me the willies. There were also parts that made me laugh even though I was the only one laughing in the theatre which is always a little embarrassing. Oh well.
It had a few forgivable plot holes. The only big complaint I have is the cheese ball last minute of the show. I mean come on people!

Rock Widows Wear Red

So there is a possibility that the Posies tour will be extended if certain things fall into place. That means Jon comes home for 11 day in between the first Europe tour and the US tour and then he only comes home 5 days for Christmas before he leaves back to Europe again.
He said he is trying to make sure they will be home by March.*
When he said that last night, I said, "OK. No problem."
But then today, I realized that March was only two months ago and that next March is a long flipping time from now!

I know in the grand scheme of things, everything will be dandy, and we are talking of just bringing Darian along for parts of the Euro winter tours because the airfare is SO cheap as compared to the summer, but there is the problem that she is in school and I get limited vacation time. We will figure it out, it is just sort of settling in, the whole reality of it.

I'm sure it will all be fine and dandy, and when he comes home from this tour we will be able to buy the house we have been wanting to buy, but the idea of the space between now and then when we can't be together is just a little sad. In reality it is a drop in the bucket compared to the rest of our lives together.


*And this is only the Posies, don't even get me started on Big Star and then his solo record tour!

Through this looking glass screen...

I have peered into a distorted world of imagination and perspective that was not available to my forefathers and mothers.

I have become so far removed from verbal communication that I feel like a night out takes a few hours just to warm up and most times too much energy to even bother with. When it comes to conversing with people for pleasure, outside of my little family, and when I am not wearing my worker bee hat, I am out of practice.

I have no cellular phone that tethers me to the world all hours of the day and night. I have an answering machine with a warped tape so I can hear people as they try to reach me through a garbled line, but I do not reach back. I send them text instead.

I had a cell phone but I killed it by letting the battery die and then "misplacing" the adapter that would resuscitate it, twice.
When I am gone, I am unavailable even if this seems irresponsible to some. In reality I am never any place where I could not be reached. I am a creature of comfort and habit that can be reached if just a little thought were put into it. My time is always accounted for and I am rarely alone (as in by myself) I am certain in any form of emergency, I could probably be located.

I do not message instantly because that is only another form of having a conversation, just as fast with mad typing skills and no room for sarcasm. When you have IM on, people have the ability to reach out and tap you on the cyber shoulder when you are anywhere near a keyboard. Then you are faced with either interacting with them or shutting down your IM before you respond which slams a tiny cyber door in their face.

I have friends who voices I have never heard but who lives I feel invested in since I read their journals every day. I get excited for them when they are happy and I get sad for them when they write that they are hurt. We send "vibes" for luck and cyber-hugs for comfort.

What a strange world this is.

~SWOON~

Jon is the sweetest bestest husband in the whole world! I just got my mail here at work and he sent me a smooshy card in the mail even though he is in town.

*Le Sigh*

Can You Hear It?

EVERY KIND OF LIGHT is in stores today! Woohoo! Many congrats my love!
Now everyone go out and get a copy carn it!

I even wore my "I Heart Jon Auer" shirt to work today in celebration!

I had a pretty busy weekend.

Friday
Jon and I went to see Margaret Cho. I had one ticket all day that I finally unloaded and at the last minute someone who was going to go backed out and I had two. Since my original date had already made poker plans I called Jon and shockingly he was interested in going. We made a whole date night ot of it. I got to wear my fabulous dress that I bought in Spain last summer which is actually almost too big at this point! (Yay!) but I just pinned it and paired it with a cute shrug to hide the pins, so nobody was the wiser. I must admit, Margaret Cho was actually funny. I had expected her to be not so funny only because I thought by the last go round her act was getting quite tired, but she had this whole new political act and it was very smart and quite hilarious. The crowd was on fire as well which made it extra fun. There is nothing like sitting in a crowd of booming laughter. It is just good for the soul and as contagious as anything.

Saturday,
we went to see Madagascar which was totally adorable. Jon laughed out loud several times. It has the world's thinnest plot line, but the animation and the characters were just too freaking cute for it to matter a whole bunch. The penguins stole the show for certain!
Then we dined at Denny's (Darian's choice) which actually brought back some fun youthful memories for Jon and I. I would not eat there every day or anything, but now and then it is fun to go back. Loads of adorable super wrinkly couples were there at the time as well. Too cute.

Went to half priced books and bought about 4 books that I have been wanting to read. I already read the first one, was not as good as I had hoped it would be. Oh well. I have higher hopes for the next one and I know enough people who have already read it that I don't think I will be dissapointed.

Sunday,
I did major grocery shopping and laundry. Then we vegged out and watched the boobtube. I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night due to reoccurring dreams, so my tossing and turning kept waking Jon up. Poor guy, he has to record early today, I hope he feels more rested than I do. I think I finally got to sleep around 4AM and then I was just bombarded with vivid images, so it was more exhausting than sleep.

Woke up this AM
late, went to catch the bus which passed me, and then started to walk to work, that is when it started to rain. This all made me laugh really hard and look to the sky and ask, "Really?!?"

'Tis OK though, I am feeling pretty good right now, just kind of tired.

Too spooky for me....

The last three nights I have had dreams about people that I know and love who are no longer alive. Usually I welcome these dreams because in my dreams I forget that they are dead and when I wake up I feel as though I have just had a visit with an old friend.
The unnerving thing about these dreams are not only the frequency but the fact that they are very clear about the fact that they are no longer alive when talking to me in the dreams. This messes with my head.

In other news, all of my animals are acting crazy.

If i believed in voodoo and things of that sort, I would think that something big was about to happen. (I am hoping it was just the gay pride parade making all sorts of unusual noise in the neighborhood yesterday that was tweaking them out.)

When The Lights Go Up

Written by Jon Auer

If you're still here
When the lights go up
I'll know you finally
You finally showed up

And if you think no one sincerely appreciates
Then let me tell you before it gets too late

I never needed you to tell me
All the words you knew to say
And I've been looking
I've been looking for a long time
Waiting for the day

So if you're still here
When the lights go up
I'd like to thank you for the moment you showed up
And if you're still here
When the curtain falls
I'd like to thank you more for being here at all

And as the audience is leaving
Blessed hope that you will stay
For you are more
You are more than I imagined
Waiting for the day


I never needed you to tell me
All the words you knew to say
For you are more
You are more than I imagined
Waiting for the day...

2 weeks and 3 days...

That is how much time before Jon and I celebrate our 1st wedding anniversary. I looked it up and it seems this is paper. I should tell him that money will be dandy as a paper gift! :-)

We are going to throw a party to celebrate and the wheels are now in motion! I am so excited, I love throwing parties! We are going to do it at Licia's place because she has the perfect backyard for it.
I think I am going to order a couple of the Ladro pies since that is the same pie we had at our wedding, and maybe buy a case of the same type of champagne just for the sweet nostalgia of it all.

I wonder if I could get away with wearing my dress again?

KIDDING! (sort of)

Batman Begins

It was exactly what I expected it to be. Nothing revolutionary, but a decent little action movie. Far better than the 2nd X-men movie, but inferior to the 1st. It falls somewhere in between.
The coolest effect of the movie is how they used the camera to make the action sequences seem like the fluttering of bat wings, the downside to this is it physically makes you dizzy after a while. The people I went with all felt a little drunk leaving the theatre due to the swinging camera angles.

The downside; I wish they would have cut the big car chase in the middle down by about 5 minutes. The whole movie was about 10 minutes too long and during that car chase it really started to feel that way.

As expected the movie ends with either a set up for a sequel or a very loose link to the 1st Batman movie starring Jack Nicholson. I am not sure if they are in any way connected, but how they ended it, it left me wondering if they were meant to be.

The best part of the movie experience for me: I saw the preview to the new Fantastic 4 movie which I am looking forward to this summer!

I have a bone to pick!

OK, I have to get this off my chest. Here is a perfect example of what pisses me off about the news. Pretty blonde Coed vanishes in Aruba on a little vacation. I can't turn on the news without hearing about it. I now practically know her life story. She went there to party, got toasty and went home with the wrong men. chances are she is long gone from this world. Now I do not condone what happened to her, and it really is heartbreaking for her family, and I think the amount of coverage is a good thing, but here is where the "rub me the wrong way" part comes in.
My first boyfriend travels to Taiwan to teach English to people, his third day there he vanishes off the face of the earth. It takes me THREE years to hear about it because the only news coverage is in Taiwan, an a year or so later a blurb in the Anchorage Alaska paper! WTF!? Is his life not as important as the blond girl who went out partying? Does he not make a pretty enough poster child on the news? Who knows, if people had got as heavily as involved with this case all around the world as they did with Aruba, maybe at least they would have recovered his remains by now.
Oh and the runaway bride, like SHE needed so much news coverage! Like THAT is a story that I care about.
I read an interview with Angelina Jolie recently and she said something that stood out. She said she had been away in developing countries for three months and not one photographer took pictures there, a place the world is relatively uniformed about the horrors of. Then she goes to NY and tries to take her son on a carousel ride and they can barely wade through the sea of photographers. There is something really wrong with that!
The news is not our friend which I am certain is no surprise to anyone.

BOOM says the sky

I just spoke to my daughter, she is sounding a little blue. Today was her last day of school and it is also her last day at the school she has been attending for the last few years. She has been excited about the new school up until today. I think the reality of the finality of it all just hit her today.
Poor baby.

I had a pretty great work day so far. Still 2 hours to go...

The weather went from sunny to crazy downpour in the last few minutes and I didn't bother to wear a coat! I hope Jon will be able to pick me up! At least we have a Value Village downstairs. Worse case scenario I will just run down there and buy an umbrella or something rain proof.

Woah! We just had major thunder. The windows are actually shaking!

Today is anti-suck day.

It is a beautiful day outside, and I feel happy and sparkley so I have decided to declare this Anti-suck day! If you are having a bad day, you must stop right now! Life is too short and you don't know when it will all be over.
Sorry, but those are your orders. You may resume your bad day tomorrow or never, but until midnight tonight there is no sucking allowed.

teehee.. that was fun. Now on to other things that do sort of suck, but I am going to make an effort to be over them for today.

So my friend Chris had a link on his livejournal Friday that led me to some pretty horrific news. This was my first boyfriend from HS:
http://overseasamericans.tripod.com/overseasamericansintaiwan/id23.html

I eventually broke up with him to date the guy who became Darian's chrome donor, but he was a really sweet guy. Probably a little on the too sweet/naive side in some ways. As teens we planned a trip to Belize together, even bought the tickets, but I backed out at the last minute. He still went and had a grand old time!

I guess they never did find him or his remains. I did some investigating and the two main theories are
A: He was murdered for his passport (I guess in Taiwan they can get $25,000 for an American passport.)
B: He was swept away by the river after cooling off from the hot springs.
His body was never found but his luggage somehow made it's way back to his hostel 10 days after he vanished. His mom still wanders the streets passing out flyers.

So Fred, in your honor I will declare today an anti-suck day. I just hope whatever happened to you, it was quick and painless and you are happy now wherever you are.

It is final,

I am going to purchase a good quality digital camera! Every day I see a photo that will never be taken because I do not have a camera. This morning I saw the sweetest thing that I will probably never see again. There were two crows on a telephone wire canoodling like a couple of love birds. I have never seen crows in a cuddle before.
They were centered on the wire so the only backdrop was a perfect bright blue sky. It was a fantastic image! One crow had it's head bent down cuddled in the others chest while the other crow groomed the bent head. So adorable!
The camera I decided I must have is an EOS Digital Rebel XT camera.

On the subject of small animals; in theory my gerbil should have babies either today or tomorrow. I peeked at them this morning before I left and they were all cuddled in a little stack snoozing away. No labor happening there. Who knows, maybe the wee lad just wasn't mature enough to make gerbil babies on the first go round? She is looking a little fatter. I guess we will just wait and see.

Volunteering at the teen center went wonderfully last night! The kids liked my mashed potatoes. I think I might have made too many, but they turned out surprisingly yummy for the large quantity. (We packed up leftovers for them to serve at lunch today)
I boiled 20#s of spuds with garlic cloves so they had a very light garlic flavor to them. I used a whole bottle of cream and 4 sticks of butter in them so they were creamy goodness. Serious comfort food for sure!
Next month I want to make my 3 bean vegetarian chili. I could make cornbread to go along with it. Mmmmm. This is all making me hungry!
A funny thing that happened was when I showed up it turned out my old friend Dave and his wife were the ones who actually ran the thing. I had no idea! It was a happy surprise, but a surprise none the less.
It is such a great program!

Published by Leonard Cohen, performed by Jeff Buckley (1966-1997)

I heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the lord
But you don't really care for music, do you
Well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ....


Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah .... .


Baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before i knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
But love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ....


Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do you
But remember when i moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah


Well, maybe there's a god above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
It's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ....

Yum!

Lend your hands...

So I got word back from the volunteer coordinator for the youth kitchen on Wednesday night. The bummer is that Darian will not be able to volunteer because she is too young, but I am still going to do it. It seems like such a good cause, how could I not do it?
I'm making mashed potatoes to serve 25. I have never made that many potatoes before, but I am sure I can swing it. Anyone have a great gravy recipe that could be easily made in large quantities? I guess you make it at home and then bring it in to be warmed up. It is like a pot luck in ways.

I am working on the possibility of Darian and I volunteering with their other program that works with foster kids and kids with Cancer on art projects that will be displayed at a booth at Bumbershoot.

It's not too late to get on board! Let me know if you are interested!

Michael Jackson Trial

Supposedly they have reached a verdict and it will be announced within the next hour!
Place your bets people!

I predict a not guilty verdict (Even though I think he could not be more guilty)

----------------------

Sadly, I was correct. :-(
Not guilty on all accounts.

There were no pillow fights, but it was still glorious!

I had a glorious weekend! (Note to self: I like that word glorious and I do not use it enough.)
Friday: Jon took Darian and I out to a really yummy Italian dinner. We had perfect spaghetti and meatballs and tortellini. I was so sleepy afterwards, I pretty much passed out and had perfect sleep.

Saturday: I woke up and made a birthday cake for my friend Licia. I made a doll cake that was supposed to be Meg from the White Stripes. I even gave her little drum sticks. It was pretty cute. The frosting was a little soft so the design didn't turn out quite like I wanted but it was still cute.
We had her slumber party that eve. We watched Pretty in Pink and made mixed drinks that can only be described as Jamba Juice spiked with Raspberry Vodka. They were really good. Then we had Pina Coladas.
I got the girls to sing a Cure song as it was the only song I know how to play that they know the lyrics to, and then we did facials. Each facial mask was a different color so we were looking pretty freaky for a few hours there. Licia's was the best as it was a jet black peel off mask. It even came off in one piece!

I slept pretty solid, although I did have a big old doggie curling up to me all night. I was on an air mattress and every time I moved she moved which resulted in a lot of noise. I have never been a big dog person, but Licia's dogs are pretty awesome. They have excellent manners and they don't stink, so they are golden in my book!

I would totally have a slumber party again. I almost forgot how much fun they are! Girlfriends are the best when you have the right ones!

Sunday: I got inspired to rearrange our apartment. I did some moving and organizing of our bookshelves which resulted in a nice flow of energy through our little apartment. When I woke up this morning I was checking it out and decided that the new layout really opens it up. I am very happy with how it all turned out. The best part of organizing: you find little treasures that send you on trips down memory lane. I found loads of little love letters from Jon and I to one another. They made me feel all squishy. :-)
I also finally got all of my photo albums on a shelf and organized in chronological order and started to fill up Darian's hope chest with all of the fun wedding keepsakes from our wedding last year so she could maybe use it in her future.

At the end of the night, just as I was about to hit the hay, my friend Holly called to tell me that her boyfriend popped the question! How exciting! She emailed me a picture of the ring this morning! It is so pretty! I am very happy for her. I LOVE weddings! How exciting! Congrats to you my friend!

Moon Under Stars Over Me

Finished the Soprano's last night. Now, I know everyone knows that Adriana dies, because she said so in press junkets last year for that stupid new Joey show she is on. So near the end I was of course expecting this. But when it finally happened. Oy! It was horrible! I keep thinking they will somehow bring her back, but I know that they do not come back. Maybe she will be in some dream sequence next season?

I must admit I don't really like how this season ended. It felt anticlimactic. To me it felt like they ran out of time so they rushed to close things, or else they just got lazy. I have not decided yet. Let me marinate on it for a bit.

In random household happenings:
I heard my garden* is attracting a hummingbird this year! I didn't know they came into the city! My mission this weekend it to buy a hummingbird feeder.
It must be pretty enough for me to be OK with it hanging in my garden, but ugly/cheap enough for me to be OK with it when someone either vandalizes it or steals it. (You would be amazed at the random crap people steal out of my garden*)
I no longer grow sunflowers because whenever they get all cute and little someone always comes by and picks them.
I have a plastic birdbath that I buried the base and covered it in rocks. Even then people have tried to pull it up and take it. Truly ridiculous. I just don't get it.

*My "garden" is a small plot of dirt that is about 8x12 feet under our apartment window. Before I started planting in it a few years back, it was just an ugly patch of dirt where people would often times throw trash. I have put a lot of time and money into making it look pretty, that is why it blows my mind that people would try to ruin that. You don't get a lot of nature in the city, why mess with it when it is there?

If you're bored you're boring.

The new Sopranos came out on DVD this week, so of course my darling husband and I have been having a marathon viewing of them.
God I love that show! It seriously makes me want to pig out on really good Italian food after watching it though. My brother-in-law gave me a really cool Wiseguy cookbook for Christmas, so I may be forced to make up a big Italian spread from the book before we settle in for the season finale. We are on episode #10 right now. I had to work today so I could not stay up any longer to keep going.
I would love to be a mobster if it were not for all of the shooting and stuff.

It hit me last night just how much I am going to miss Jon when he leave to go on tour next month. We only have another month before he goes away for the summer. He says not to worry and the time will go quickly. I am being a tough cookie about it, but it will be hard.
I know, I know, I am being dramatic. I am sure I will enjoy having some time to myself, but I will miss cuddles and DVD watching marathons so much!

This weekend I have major slumber party plans. We are FINALLY going to celebrate our beloved Licia's birthday. It is a little belated because she was out of the country on the actual day, but now we will celebrate!
I am trying to decide if I will wear my beloved Powerpuff Girl PJ's or if I will go buy some new ones for the event. I am also seriously considering some fluffy slippers. Maybe in leopard print?
We are doing a full on slumber party; a bunch of girls, facials, 80's Brat Pack movies, PJ's, blended drinks, maybe even a pillow fight! Oh and most importantly, no boys! :-) I can hardly wait!

It is perfect and sunny out today, so I am finding myself very distracted.
I love this city so much! I walked to work just to take in it's beauty. The people here are wonderful, and the little community is amazing. It really is a big city with a small town feel. I have never met anyone who has been here who hates this city. I don't know that I would want to meet one of those people as I can't imagine they would be at all that interesting.

Well, I suppose I should get back to work.

E-Card!

Aww... my hubby stars in an E-card!
Check it out:
http://www.rykodisc-media.com/theposies/

Happy 11 month wedding anniversary to us!

Jon and I were talking and decided that we want to throw a 1 year anniversary party.
It is so crazy to think we have been married 11 months now! It seems like we just got married.

It is true what they say about the first year, I swear it took the first six months just to get settled in to this whole new life thing. Nothing too dramatic, just trying to figure out where everything goes and who cleans what.

Now I can only describe life as a second honeymoon. We are getting along famously and things are really going quite well. I can't imagine life without him. Married life is a lot better than just cohabitation or dating as far as I am concerned. I have lived with a few boyfriends in the past, and I never had the same sense of togetherness/love as I have now that I am the other half of a married couple. I am sure it has a lot to do with the fact it is with the right person as well. He is completely trustworthy and wonderful. I am often times overcome with a giddy joy knowing that we get to grow old together and experience so many of life's little adventures together.

Sigh..

Back to the party. Not sure if I will do a small dinner party at our place or try to rent out a place or maybe try to convince one of my friends with a bigger place to allow us to host it there. It is the perfect time as it is only days before Jon goes on tour, so it will be an anniversary party as well as a bit of a going away for a while party!

Been looking into restaurants around town as well trying to find a good place. If anyone has any ideas let me know!

I almost considered talking to The Sunset and getting them to let me book a night and doing it there (since that is where we had our reception), but I am thinking it might be fun to do something a little fancier. But who knows!

so many ideas, so little time...

Oh and speaking of anniversaries- 10/19/05 will be 10 years from the day we first met! crazy!

Due Date

So I have been reading more about gerbils and have decided that Kodo's Due date would be June 17th. I am typing it in here so I don't forget what my guess is. I already have potential homes for up to 6 of them, 4 for sure, so as long as she has an even number of babies we should be good! :-)

SECOND TIME AROUND - The Posies

You
You’re a beauty to behold
You’re the reason why I’m still alive
You dove on in and took right hold

I
Would’ve drown when I let go
I was looking for the answer to a question
Finally now I know

First star in the sky - don’t lose that feeling
I’m ready to stay the second time around

You
You’re the summer I lived through
You’re the days of April I was dead to life
Instead I am renewed

First star in the sky - don’t lose that feeling
I’m ready to stay the second time around

I’ll make it clear and keep you mine
It’s starting to shine this light of life so crystalline

See,
You’re the reason I believe
In the story yet to be and truth be told
Until the final scene

First star in the sky - don’t lose that feeling
I’m ready to stay the second time around
The second time around
The second time around

Colonel Mustard: How many husbands have you had?
Mrs. White: Mine, or other women’s?

blog-o-rama

I must admit that ever since I discovered www.technorati.com I have been doing really random searches and lurking in all kinds of Blogs.

I love to get a glimpse into other peoples thoughts. I love my livejournal.com journal because it is connected to all of my friends and I always know what to expect. But my Blog is more out there, disconnected and random so I never know who I will meet. Pretty cool I think.

Very excited that the new Posies record will be out in a few weeks! I could not be more proud of them. I am so happy that my husband is in a band with such a great group of guys. They just feel like family. I am so excited for all of them!
Now they have new management which I think will help take them to the next level. It is the folks who manage the band The Killers and I swear I hear those guys everywhere right now! If they could do even a smidgen of that for this record, it could mean really good things. I am sitting on my hands trying not to jinx it by getting too excited!

I stopped by the bakery this morning to get doughnuts to bring to the office on my way to work today and I must admit I left empty handed. I stood there for a full four minutes looking at them all glazed and shiny in their case. I knew they were fresh, and probably tasted heavenly, but something about them just struck me as disgusting. I could not bring myself to touch them or buy them. I walked out empty handed. I dig this new aversion to sugar, must have something to do with the drugs I am on messing with my insulin. But hey, in the past I would have found it hard to pass up a doughnut, now I can't even consider buying one!

Michelle- 1
Doughnuts- 0

Conversations Lyrics

CONVERSATIONS - The Posies

On the way back from yesterday, give yourself a break
And say hello to the now you know
Now you know (let it go) today
There’s no prison left inside to guard you through

Conversations on and on
Conversations on and on
Conversations on and on
I can tell you’re the one that I’d bet our lives upon

Will it be such a mystery if you leave without a clue?
Don’t let it end on this note again
Just one word shy of true
And we’ll talk more than those behind closed doors will ever know

Conversations on and on
Conversations on and on
Conversations on and on
From a side of my mind that you helped to help me find

Conversations on and on
Conversations on and on
Conversations on and on
Is it clear, can you tell?
Can you feel me just as well?

And we’ll talk more than those behind closed doors will ever know
They’ll never know

Conversations on and on
Conversations on and on
Conversations on and on
I can tell you’re the one that I’d bet our lives upon


Conversations on and on
Conversations on and on
Conversations on and on
Is it clear?
Can you hear me?
Can you feel me just as well?
Conversations on and on
Conversations on and on
Conversations on and on

Hitchcock would be proud...

I just had a bird land on my head and crawl over to my shoulder.

I am not kidding.
It was in front of the Value Village downstairs from the office. I was coming back from the gym and all of a sudden I feel something grabbing my hair and the back of my head. I thought for a second someone had grabbed me, but quickly I saw that it was a very pretty green and red bird as it squawked in my ear and climbed on to my shoulder.

I hear a woman screaming at him behind me "Get over here, Turkey, get over here!" (No kidding, the bird's name was TURKEY!)

It was some kind of medium sized green and red parrot. It stayed on me for a second or two and then flew back to the lady.
I just kept walking and came back to the office.

How bizarre.

It's Poetry baby..

As many of you know I wrote lyrics for a band called Dear John Letters another lifetime ago. For many people that seemed like a weird arrangement. One person wrote the words, the other wrote the song to those words. To a lot of writers that seemed backwards as a good majority of musicians write words to fit melodies already written. Our songs were written to the tune of my poetry. This gave them their own special sound.

These days I don't so much write for anyone but myself and I find a lot of joy in reading lyrics of amazing songs by talented songwriters. I could care less what genre a song lives or if the songwriter or band is considered one of the "cool kids". I like what I like and I hold on tight to those things that resonate within me. It is as simple as that.
I love songs that I don't know anything about, only what they mean to me. It is like they were written for me. I think a successful writer writes something that makes the listener feel as though they visited your head and heart and they know all of your secrets and your deepest most guarded feelings. Sometimes it actually ruins a song to me when I read an interview where the writer tells what the song was about word for word. I need the vague breakdown or none at all. I don't want my opinion colored by their experience. Call me selfish, I don't care.

Some of my favorite lyrics off the top of my head:

In My Life- The Beatles
Hallelujah- Jeff Buckley
Cemetery Song- Jon Auer
Tiny Vessels- Death cab for Cutie
Atlanta (I think that is what it is called) -Capillaries
Jack The Lion- Harvey Danger
Positively 4th street- Bob Dylan
Cold Booded Old Times- Smog
Above you Below me- Badley Drawn Boy
Hurt a Fly- Built To Spill
I May Hate You Sometimes- The Posies
Mental- Eels
Between the Bars- Elliot Smith
I Want You- Elvis Costello
Think (Let Tomorrow Be) - Sebadoh
Legendary & Puzzle- Lou Barlow
Kathy's Song- Simon & Garfunkel
Somebody- Depeche Mode
Love Song- the Cure
Afraid of Women- Dar Williams
Baby Bitch- Ween
and the list goes on and on and on.....

Where are you now?

Death is such an odd thing.
This week is the first anniversary of loosing my friend Gib. He was such a sweet guy, it is strange for me to think he no longer exists on this planet.
Jon and I got to talking about the big questions last night like "What do you think happens next?"
We come from such different places on this subject. He feels that this is all there is, and that is why me must appreciate life. He isn't closed to the possibility, but he leans towards "This is it"
For me, I HAVE to believe there is something more than this. I've lost so many people that I love that there is an anniversary nearly every month in my world. So many of them were lost to tragedy and long before their time. If I believed that they just vanished from existence, I am not sure I could live with that.
maybe that is the difference between how we believe. He has never really lost anyone close or young or to major tragedy and I have lost many. I have held a person's hand and looked in his face as the life literally left his body. That only happened a couple of years ago and it had a profound effect on me.
That moment when he breathed in and then a gray wash came over him and he just didn't breath out. Like he was holding his breath. I could see the veil of life leave. It was like a shadow passing over him quite literally. It was similar to when I was holding my pets when they passed, just on a much larger level. There was a part of him that left and I watched it leave. I may not have been able to see where it went to, but I did see it, whatever it was. It was not like a light turning out, it was like watching something leave. In my mind, since I watched something leave, that means there had to have been a something there to go, and it had to go somewhere.
It is hard for me to believe with so many people on this planet and with so much death that not everyone has experienced this. Not everyone has had the opportunity to hold a loved ones hand while their soul left their body. It really is a profound thing and for me it was the closest to evidence of the existence of something more. It was tangible, I know what I saw and it sticks with me.

Someone in my house is pregnant....

and her name is Kodo the gerbil.
Last night we caught our gerbils doing "it" There is no doubt about it. It got so graphic I thought I should put on some Barry White and light a few candles for them.
Anyhow, I am sure Kodo is knocked up now, so we will be having some gerbil babies around the end of June. I am thinking by mid July they will be ready to be placed in homes.
I will give them away for free to good homes, so put in your orders now!
I think the pet store said that they would take babies as well.

Now to find a small animal doc that will fix my little boy gerbil so he won't make any more babies! I wonder what that will cost?

drip

I drank too much coffee
drip
drip
drip
the drip buzz harshed my espresso mellow
who knew?
Now I want to air drum and stomp my feet
like an ADD office princess
it doesn't help matters that I wore red today.

I am waiting for the paper to come down for me to proof
I hope I can concentrate.
Are typos in?

Must hit the gym after work today to burn off this steam.

I wish certain sounds could be spelled out in words that expressed the true emotion of the sound.

Today I am a Muppet
small feet and all.

Tattoos of you

I have a tattoo on my heart that spells your name.
They could take it away with lasers
but it might stop beating.
They could try
they just might try
But I won't let them

I have a tattoo on my eye of your face.
They could burn it off with acid
but I might go blind
They could try
they just might try
But I won't let them

I am the one who put them there.

my new hair

here is a shot of my new hair. It isn't the clearest, but it is the best I got right now:

Posie wimmin

.

Dom, Michelle and Christine

What a long weekend....

It is Sunday morning and here at Auer central it feels like I have not stopped moving since Thursday evening! I am happy to finally not have any place to rush to other than maybe my coffee maker! I feel like I lost 10 pounds this weekend just from the constant motion!

Thursday I already wrote about. Big SIFF Gala, all of my friends looking all spectacular. I should get those photos back today.

Friday afternoon I went to lunch with Jon just following their meeting with their manager where they let her go. Then later that eve there was a show where she was going to be at. I was a little nervous there might be tension, but there wasn’t. (I mean not tension between them, she doesn’t like me, so there was that usual tension there but that is nothing new.) It seems it was an amicable part as everyone seemed to be getting along just fine, so that is good.

My personal feeling is that now they will be able to move forward with someone with the expertise to take them to the next level. I am sure it is difficult to make these types of business decisions when that partner is also your friend, but I think it was the right decision. I feel for everyone involved, but did stay out of it as it is not my place to interject an opinion on the subject.

Friday evening: The benefit went great! We raised $370 for Roy’s class. Not a huge sum of money but better than a bake-sale would have been! There were some extremely talented people and one person who just would not stop playing. I won’t mention names as they all did us a favor by playing, but I will say that it is the first time I had to kick someone off the stage for playing way too long!

One of the parents who sang is married to a guy from King Crimson. I am just listening to her CD this morning and it really is beautiful. She has a very Dar Williams feel to her. Acoustic Folk feel. Her name is Trina Willard. I would love to hear her play sometime in a proper setting.

After the benefit we went over to Darius’s house to say goodbye to Ken and Matt as they were heading out the next day to their different corners of the world until July. Dom and Aden had already left in the morning Ken was on his own and looking like he really missed his little family already. Dom did call and I got a chance to speak with her. She is really a great woman. I totally fell in love with her while she was here and her little Aden. I am looking forward to taking the family to Paris this fall and spending time with them. With everything going on, it felt like I really had not had an opportunity to really talk to Ken until then, so we ended up chatting until the sun came up. It takes a while to get caught up when your friends travel so much! Matt was spinning songs on his I-Pod, he had all of this really rare and interesting stuff from years past. It was all pretty interesting.

Got to bed around 5AM and then had to get up and take Darian to a birthday party for Robb Benson’s daughter Daily. They had an 80’s dance party. The girls were having a great time. I was feeling as though a jackhammer was pounding in my brain.

Jon and I got lost driving around West Seattle, but it was good it gave us a chance to chat.

It is going to be strange to have Jon gone for so long this summer. I know it is necessary but it will still be hard. I just hope loads of people go to the shows and they have much success with it, because then it might be worth it for me loosing precious time with my husband to share him with the rest of the world. (At least that is how it feels from my perspective when faced with months apart.)

We brought the girls home from the party and watched season three of Six Feet Under. Got to bed late and woke up early and that brings us to now.

Whew! What a weekend!

They do it all the time...

It is such a Violent Femmes kind of day. I bought their self titled record probably 6 times now and to date I do not own a copy. It is always being either lost or lifted by friends. It is just one of those records. luckily today one of my co-workers has it up on his I-tunes, so I have been able to rock out to this long lost favorite while I am wading through this long Friday on little to no sleep.

We had cake for someone's birthday which is always a treat. I had a small slice that was not small enough as it is now sitting in my stomach like a bag of chocolate flavored bricks.

How do you measure your own personal successes? Would you consider yourself a successful person? How do you define yourself?

I have a desire to leave all things uncompleted. If you don't finish it, they can't judge you for it.

Who are they anyhow and why don't they just all kiss off into the air?

Last night we went to a Gala...

I love calling a party a Gala, it makes it seem like sparkles are in order!
We went to opening night of SIFF (Seattle international film festival for those of you not in the know)
We hung out in the VIP room since The Posies were playing. It was fun getting the celebrity treatment for the night. We got to walk past the velvet rope since we were on "the list" and then we were ushered straight back to the VIP area past everyone waiting in line to herd up to the main room.
I wore a black dress that had shiney black beads from head to toe and my lovely vintage white leather coat with a silver fox trim. I was feeling fully fabulous!
We ate rich chocolates and sipped champagne and watched all of the beautiful people wandering around. I got to spend time with the fabulous beauties that are Amie, Licia, Domonique, and Christine. (Don't worry, there were photos taken and they will be posted soon)
The Posies rocked the new songs and seemed to have a lot of fun doing it.
The only celebrities spotted were Miranda July and a couple of her cast-mates from her movie. We saw a chick that was almost Jennifer Connally to a freakish degree!
At the end of the night Jon told me I looked like a princess and that he was very proud to tell everyone i was his wife. That was the frosting on the cake!

All in all it was a wonderful evening!

Rock show tomorrow night:

Friday May 20- A Benefit for Roy Alexander's 4th & 5th Grade Class
Jon Auer (The Posies, Big Star) www.jonauer.com

Matt Southworth (The Capillaries) www.thecapillaries.com

Robb Benson (Dear John Letters) www.thetreemind.com

Jared Clifton (Radio Nationals) www.radionationals.com

Andy Davenhall (The Lawnmowers) www.thelawnmowers.com

Brett Phillips (Marazine Heartbeat clock) www.bretphillips.com

Summit K-12's very own Roy Alexander and more....

The Sunset Tavern - 9pm - $7 suggested donation

Chatter, chatter, chatter...

http://forums.thestranger.com
Come... Join the fold....

Loobie rocks your socks off!

Michelle Auer and Lou Barlow at the Nightlight in Bellingham, WA 3/24/05

Go buy his new record EMOH right away!

Too many sushi rolls!

Jon and I went on a little sushi date last eve. I ordered sushi on my own last eve which was really hilarious. They gave us this little sheet of paper to mark off what we want. Now I have never really ordered sushi before so I am going over all of the selections and he is explaining what each is to me.

I decide the California roll sounds good. so I mark that i want 2 of those and 2 cucumber rolls. Jon says, "Are you sure?" I am thinking "I can handle 4 pieces of sushi no problem!"
He orders several other selections and we turn in the slip. When our sushi shows up it looks like it was for 5 people! Turns out 1 California roll consist of like 6 pieces! I ordered like 24 pieces of sushi for myself not 4!
What a dork!

When Jon realized what I had been thinking he just laughed and said, "I just thought you must be really hungry when you were ordering!"

So we stuffed our faces and had several to bring home. The California rolls will keep in the fridge to have for lunch today. I guess we all have a first time! :-)

I'm a very lucky girl, yes I am..

I have been feeling good these days. Getting things done, moving forward leaving the past where it belongs and so on. I am in excellent health getting better every day, almost all of my laundry is done and my house is clean, I have a fantastic kid and I am crazy about my husband. All in all life is good.

Last evening I babysat little Aden. She is such an adorable little girl! She was so interested in our kitties all running through the house. Every time one would walk by she would point and squeal and start to bounce. It was so freaking cute! When she started to get tired, we got all cozy on the couch and I introduced her to Muppets in Space. She was mesmerized! She was out like a light in no time and mom and dad showed up not long after to retrieve her.
Dom is such a cool lady as well. The more I spend time with her the more I am going to miss her when she goes back to Paris. Ken really picked a good one there! Aden is too adorable as well. He is a lucky guy that one!

I am really happy this weekend is over and behind me!

It was nice in many ways, but also quite stressful in others.
The sound in that place was a real issue in fact Jon said he had a pretty long chat with the owner afterwards so as to help with that. That room is totally set up for acoustic acts right now, not for bands that are loud and especially not as loud as the Posies. (Side note: Back stage matt says, “I have played bass in some really loud bands but you guys are the loudest guitars I have played with and that is saying a LOT!” )
So add that to a really live room and Viola You get instant headache and loose the ability to communicate. Well, unless you are Barbara Mitchell that is. I watched her talk through the whole show, the person she was talking to must know how to read lips, because I could not even hear my own thoughts! Haha! But she is a pro at going to see the rock I suppose.
The guys went to the local radio station just before the show KUGS and they even mention Taylor by name a few times! The lady DJ says, “I really like the new songs”
The guys say, “You have heard them?”
She says, “Yes online, the MP3’s at the Posies page.”
They say, “TAYLOR!!!”
And then all start laughing.
They then played a few more new tracks on the radio and Ken says, “And Taylor, these better not show up on the web page or I will…” and he started giggling again. I really don’t think they were serious; they were just being really goofy.
I think at the end of the night there were about 230 tickets sold, not too bad for Bellingham given the fact the show was not advertised at all.
The guys were well rehearsed. The tequila kept getting sent to the stage, but the only one who seemed to get excited about it was Ken. It is funny because I thin they would get even more excited these days if people sent up good red wine than 25 shots of tequila! (That of course is my own observation not anything anyone told me, but it would be an interesting experiment to see. Maybe I will have a bottle sent to the stage next time and find out)
There was one group of girls getting far too rowdy at the front of the stage and then some other girl runs up with a weird furry thing and it all goes to Kindergarten after that. That was a little annoying. Sometimes I would prefer the show I came to see to be the main focus and not hear someone screaming and stuff during the slower more sensitive songs, or throwing stupid furry stuffed animals.
The guys were just trying hard to ignore them.
The drive home was long as I was very tired. I don’t drink at all, but I sure did feel drunk near the end of the drive due to extreme fatigue!
Jon was very sweet on the ride home, very lovey and so on, so that helped keep me awake. I had worried after seeing all of the tequila going up to the stage that I might be driving home with Mr Hyde and he would have been riding home in the trunk! But I don’t think he ended up actually drinking much of it, or else he was immune since he got so toasty at the Sloan show the night before!

We woke up at noon, returned the rental car and as I was following Jon in our car I noticed our car had the tail lights out. Long story short, it was a tad more than that and we just got back from the mechanic. He was so cool, he charged us for only a ¼ of the work he did and we bought him beer. He saved us over $65. He said “Happy Mother’s Day!”
INDEED! Thanks dude!

Oh and my new hair was a huge hit! Yay for my hairdresser Maggie! I won’t tell you where she works, because I wanna keep all to myself!

Here is the set list from the show (Jon made it on our computer so I have easy access to cut and paste!):
Bellingham - 5/7/05
ALL IN A DAY’S WORK
I GUESS YOU’RE RIGHT
20 QUESTIONS
COULD HE TREAT YOU BETTER?
EVERY BITTER DROP
ANYTHING & EVERYTHING
WHEN MUTE TOUNGES CAN SPEAK
LIGHTS OUT
SONG #1
SECOND TIME AROUND
THAT DON’T FLY
IT’S GREAT TO BE HERE AGAIN!
TERRORIZED
FUCKING LIAR
SWEETHEARTS OF RODEO DRIVE
CONVERSATIONS

JUNGLE!
PLEASE RETURN IT
HATE SONG
DEFINITE
SO Happy Mother’s Day to all of my mommy friends! And hope you all had a great weekend as well!

New BFF!

So last eve we introduced Podo and Milo after spending a few days in a split cage. I had my oven mitt on one hand ready to break up any fights that might occur. It was the cutest thing ever! It was instant love. Kodo is about twice the size of Milo and he just jumped on him and started licking him. It was so adorable. He then let Milo go, Milo tried to run and hide. Kodo would go up to him and get close to his face and close his eyes and put his head down in front of him, like he was showing that he was not going to hurt him.
He kept doing that over and over until Milo finally stared to groom Kodo. Within a few hours they were best buddies. It is super cute, they both seem very happy to be running around and playing.

I am so glad that it was a successful introduction! I was worried that Kodo would die from a broken heart after Podo died. Now he has a brand new baby to take care of!

The Posies on the Radio at 10AM today!

In a few minutes they will be on KEXP. You can hear it online at www.KEXP.org
If you miss them just go and listen to the 10AM archive. They will play some new songs of the new record and hang for a bit. Maybe play a live tune?

Whats in a name?

So we now have a new addition to our family, an adorable baby gerbil. Right away the girls dubbed him Nemo, but the more I have been hanging with him I think he looks more like a Milo. So what do you all think? Milo or Nemo?

Right now we have them in a split cage set up so they get used to each others scent. On Sunday they will finally get to interact directly. The baby seems unphased, but Kodo look like he was going to go through the screen the first day we put him in there. Now he smells him through the screen with interest and not so much agression any longer. The pet store folk said it was better to introduce a baby because Kodo would likely want to mentor him once the loss of his little partner set in.
So I am back to thinking Kodo might be a boy. The lady at the pet store said theey only carry males as to avoid unwanted babies. I guess it all depends on what chain of Pet stores Kodo and Poto were purchased at.... I will have to ask Amie.

Either way, we have a cute little friend living with us again.

In other news, there is a pigeon trapped in an empty showroom across the street. he looks so sad, like he is begging to be let out. I called the property manager and they are sending someone to release him. Thank goodness, it was breaking my heart seeing him looking at me through the window on my walk to work :-( He is probably starving in there! He just paces the glass when people walk by like he is begging to be freed. Who knows how long he has been locked in there!

What a bipolar weekend.

It started off beautiful. Saturday morning I went to my hairdresser and she did a fantastic job completely changing my look. I love it! I walked out in great spirits. Then I went to meet with Dominique and baby Aden while the Posies practiced. We spent the whole day shopping and wandering around the hill. Darian was having a great time playing nanny. She wanted to push the stroller and play with the baby all day. She loves babies! I made her promise to wait until she was done with college to have them though! Dom is great, and the sun was shining, it was a really wonderful time.

Saturday eve when we got home I noticed one of our gerbils was not looking so hot. I decided if he was not better by morning I was taking to the vet.

Sunday he looked a little worse so we took him to the vet emergency center. We spent most of the morning there. They gave us antibiotics and sent us home. They said he should be OK. We watched him very closely the rest of the day. He slept on my chest for a few hours, but then started getting all crazy. I think he had a slow brain bleed, because he started sort of looking blind.
At 8:00 we had to give him his meds, I was holding him and then all of a sudden his body got all jerky. I thought he just wanted to be put down. I put him in the cage and he started flipping all over. he was having a major seizer. I held him down gently so he didn't hurt himself while he was seizing. He did for about a minute and then got very still, he was gone. It was very sad. We all cried and took turns holding him. Then we put him in a tiny box and put him in the freezer to be buried this evening. This morning Kodo was sitting in his cage looking majorly depressed. or should I say HER cage? When looking at gerbil sites I found photos of gerbil parts so you could tell which sex your critters are.
I compared to our gerbils to be positive that when we got the new one it was the right sex. It turns out our little boy gerbils are actually little girl gerbils! Yup, they had no gerbil balls. This whole time we thought we had two little boys when in reality we had girls. That would explain why they looked so teeny compared to the boy we tried to add to the cage months back, girls are smaller! So Kodo is a girl.

I have been contacting local breeders this morning looking for a hand fed young one to introduce to kodo so she doesn't die from loneliness. Hopefully we will find her a good match.

oh and to make matters worse, I chipped one of my molars on Sunday evening as well.

My week in a nutshell. (How did she fit a whole week in a nutshell?)

Tues:
Set up a rock show to benefit Darian's class. Mark your calanders for the early show at The Sunset on May 20th people! 7-9:30 you will see:
Jon Auer
Mattt Southworth
Robb Benson
Brett Phillips
and Roy (Darian's teacher!)
We may even get Sangster out there and end the show with a acoustic early Dear John Letters set!
So come one come all, support my kid's class damn it because I don't want to do another freaking bake sale!

Wed:
Went to see The Graduate with Amie. It was OK, but happy that we didn't pay for it, that would have seriously colored my opinion of it. The positives: We got to see Morgan Fairchild naked. She walked right out on stage completely nude, arms spread and said, "I am available to you" She looked pretty good too.
The actor who played Mr Robinson had some pretty cool moments as well.
The downside: I didn't like the guy they used as the Dustin Hoffman character, he had a bit of a Doogie Howser quality, and not adult stage star Neil Patrick Harris way, but in the pixie just learning to act doctor sort of way. I didn't think the cast had a whole lot of chemistry either. I may have not been impressed if it weren't for the company and the really cool set design. It is the set designers for this play that deserved the ovation at the end, oh and Ms Fairchild's really teeny waist for being older than my mom!

Thurs:
Bought my mom the perfect Mothers Day gift that i will mail out tonight. It is Life According to Mister Rogers. I wrote a really sweet note in the cover as well. I swear, it is great! He is the Dahli Lama of PBS! She will cry.
Went to dinner with my kid. She informed me that she is interested in studying Budhism. We are set to take a trip to the library this weekend so she can get some books on it. Don't know where it came from, but I will go with it for now.
Wasted a few hours of my life on "Meet The Fockers". What a big piece of poo.

Fri:
Well Friday is just starting, and hopefully it will end with me getting some sleep. I have been staying up late watching reruns of Charmed all week. I don't know why, it just happens. Going to get my hair dyed tomorrow hopefully if my stylist is working! I have roots and my hair is getting too long again. I am starting to feel a bit like a Neapolitan cousin "It"

A thought for today...

Una buona mamma vale cento maestre.

Where the odds are good, but the goods are odd.....

Every experience, even if it doesn't make sense at the time, eventually shows itself as a door to a much more important step in development.
I learned a long time ago that there is no such thing as true foreshadowing in life. That really messed with me for some time. I have always followed the rule "for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction" far too literally in my youth.
I would plot out every move ten steps ahead, and I had about 80% accuracy. I was convinced I had found the formula that unravelled the human condition. So certain I was so much smarter than my counterparts. It turns out that I was just young, and my "problems to be solved" were so basic, that which seemed like foreshadowing was only common sense, typical childish BS.
As an adult, I have been thrown wild cards, and now I know that I don't know anything. Oh, and that accuracy rating, more like 50/50 now, just like everyone else.
Common sense is still my friend, but my belief in foreshadowing went the way of the Easter Bunny and Kris Kringle.
At the end of the day, there is nothing I know with certainty, not even myself.

Hi Hi Puffy Amiyumi show….

It is official; I am a big wha wha mommy!

I just got home from the Puffy AmiYumi concert with my daughter and two of her friends. It was at The Showbox, which is a venue The Posies have played a zillion times as well as Big Star and about 50% of all of the other show I have seen in WA state. Every now and then they have an all ages shows early on Saturdays. My daughter is a huge fan and coerced me into taking her and her friends.

The show was actually pretty great. The lights, the energy, it was all pretty fantastic to tell the truth. Between songs Ami and Yumi had cards written out to help them with their English. They would read off of them little anecdotes about their tour in very broken English, it was precious. They ended the show with a really cool cover of that Greenday song that was so popular a few years back. It starts “Do you have the time, to listen to me whine…” Now that is a cover I would buy on a single. Adorable like kittens and bunnies!

So what do I do during all of this rocking out? About ten seconds into the first song, I look at my girl and her friends dancing and having a great times and look over the sea of kids their age and I get all teary eyed. It suddenly occurred to me that in a few short years it will be Darian and her friends going to this club to see shows. The torch is getting closer to being passed.
Where did the time go? It went so fast! My daughter is already double digits people, DOUBLE DIGITS!
I am so proud of her, she is everything I could ever wish for in a daughter and then some, but I am so dearly not ready for her to be a teenager and then an adult. I was crying at a Japanese pop show people! They sing cartoon songs!

One saving grace is that when I got home Ken called and we talked about little Aden coming to town soon. I get to play Auntie for her a couple of nights soon, so that will help me to put things in perspective. I am excited about seeing little Aden again. She is such a doll! I bet she is even close to walking soon! Her 1st birthday is coming up as well.

There is that time again, zooming on by…

She has a lion's heart and a cat who ate the canary grin..

Is it the anticipation of taste
or is it my own lack of self control?

It is soul food,
bits of the unconscious
filling the
empty

spaces

between

your

words

So chew on this awhile
while I chew on you.

Yet another weird dream last night...

I was in my Dad's old place in Alaska, the one he sold after the divorce but the biggest house I have ever lived in. It was beautiful. (I think in ways, I missed my house the most after the divorce.)
In this dream, I was sitting on the upper level deck enjoying the fresh air and one of my co-workers comes out and sits next to me. Now the funny thing about this is, I don't really know him that well. I think he was in this dream because he reminds me so much of someone i used to know in Alaska. Seems my sleeping brain just subbed him in there.

He asked me if I was going to the bizarre. I said, "Of course!"
My dad called us down to the driveway where he was sitting in the 1970's orange Chevy van with teardrop windows that we drove from Michigan to Alaska in 1982. After going over the Alkan, that van was never quite right again, but there it was all revved up and ready to go in my dream.

My co-worker and I get in the van and off to the "bizarre" we go.

And that it was...

We get to this place somewhere in what sort of looks like Anchorage. It is a cross between a Walmart and a flea market. We start walking around looking at booths when we get to one that looks a lot like pet store with loads of kennels. My co-worker says, "I have been meaning to get one of these" and he walks to the front of the gates.

When my eyes adjust I realize that there are small children in the kennels and not animals like I had suspected! Some of them were all friendly and looked like they wanted to play while others were curled up in the back corners staring out at us with big frightened cow eyes, just like puppies in a pound.

He goes on to explain how he had been working on some fundraising ideas to help bring money in to these pounds since they were run completely by donations. I see this one particular child and immediately fall in love.
I tell him "This is the one I want!" It was this adorable little Mexican girl with crazy curly brown hair. We opened the cage and she ran into my arms.

This is when my alarm went off.

Life is poetry- sometimes tragic poetry

I was on my way to the gym. I spy all kinds of fire engines and ambulances coming my direction. My office is next door to a KFC. There is already an ambulance parked in front of the KFC. I round the corner and I see a man, in his 40's sprawled across the sidewalk near the exit of this chicken place. They have his shirt pulled up and are trying to zap his heart into beating again. Seems he enjoyed a deep fried lunch and his heart hath protested.

I had a camera in my purse, and thought for a moment that this would be a great photo, but decided against it.
What if he died there today? I would never forgive myself of taking such a humiliating photo of a dead man.

I hope it was just a scare.

KFC= Finger Lickin' Death

Say hello to the now you know today...

I put the new Posies record up on my I-tunes this morning so I could listen to it as I work. I have not listened to it since Jon finished his record, so I am hearing it for the first time all over again. I can't get over how proud I am of them!

There is something about the sound of Jon's voice that has a Pavlovian effect on me.
Since the first time he called me in Alaska from Seattle some ten years ago and we had one of our notorious marathon conversations.

It doesn't matter what is going on, or where I am, I hear his voice and feel this something that can only be described as a love buzz.
It can be on the other end of a phone line, on a CD or on an answering machine message. It really doesn't matter. That man has a voodoo.

I think if I stopped hearing tomorrow the one sound I would remember perfectly and miss the most is the sound of his voice.

down under and then in outerspace

I went to Australia in my dreams last night and visited an old friend and a newer/old friend. We drank purple drinks, we called them grape knee highs with a kick. 11%
Later my dream morphed into me trying to find my way through a logging town full of water instead of streets and docks, I was cold and uncomfortable. The air was wet so even on dry land you felt a chill, I ran into my friend who died about this time last year and I talked to him. He told me to remember talking to him because that was him visiting me. I woke up saying that I can't forget, that it was real.
It was so cold but when I saw him I was so happy. I still can't really accept that he is dead.

It has all been lingering with me today.

Oh and the other weird thing; remember the Eng family plot I was talking about that stuck out to me the other day?
Well I heard the Eng family name on the news last eve. Man shot his wife, then their 6 month old baby sat in the yard with dead mommy until a little neighbor girl came by and found the blood covered baby crawling around in the morning. They were the Eng family.

Cemetary song..

Took the kids to the cemetery because they wanted to go. (They wanted to see Bruce lee and Brandon Lee's graves, since we live next door, I figured what the heck)

Found a family plot for a family called Eng.
There was some little piece of foil or something that was reflecting the sun to make sparkles dance across it (We could not find it when we got there) so the kids wanted to go see it. When I looked at the graves there were several very small ones on the ground and one huge one that stood taller than me.

The small one to the right of it was a man who's stone read "Husband of Elizabeth Eng"
I looked at the tall one and it was Elizabeth's. It had a quote written on it that read:
"Mouths can not speak her perfections"
She died when she was 23 he died 3 years later at 29.

It looks like they had at least one kid born the year before she died. Her kid or grandchild died in 2000. She was born in 1909.

I bet there is quite the love story there.