Saturday, May 13, 2006

I dreamed a dream that made me sad...

I had a really strange and detailed dream last eve. I just woke up from it and felt compelled to write it out before it slipped from my mind. I'm certain this will be full of grammatical errors and typos, but I just want to get it down. I will go back and fix those things later.


I was living in this small town. It reminded me of a dustier version of Eagle River, AK in the summertime. There was a lot of wide open space without houses or cars for miles.
I was hiking up a hill/mountain of sorts until I came to a clearing where there was a little store. The store looked old and a little run down, but it seemed like it could be open for business still. I walked in and was taken aback by how cute it was inside. It was like the shelves were stocked from a lost time. They had sodas in tall glass bottles and cans with labels that looked like they would be more comfortable on the antique road show.
A very handsome young man was behind the counter. He was dressed as if from another time as well.
“I feel like I just walked into a different time!” I giggled nervously to him.
“What do you mean?” he asked
“Oh, I see, this is like the renaissance fair where you have to go for authentic right?” I said gestering at his outfit with my hand.
“Um sure...” He said and then asked “Are you a painter?”
He was looking at the easel and box I had under my arm. I was in fact out scouting for something to paint.
“Indeed, I am.” And then I asked, “Would you mind if I painted this place? It is perfect.”
“As you wish.” He answered with a smile.

I set everything up and started sketching. I decided I would paint the detail of the place but he would be the main focus of the piece. There was something very beautiful about him that I wanted to get on a canvas.

We chatted about everything. It was the kind of conversation a couple would have on a first date that was going really well. By the end of the day I found myself opening up to him in ways I don’t open up to even my closest friends. I was not getting a lot of work done because I was talking so much, but he had already agreed to let me come back as often as I wanted until it was finished.
“I don’t get a lot of customers here this time of year.” He said, “I would appreciate the company.”

Then time was just sort of moving in fast forward as is common with dreams. I just kept going back to the store and he was always there. I painted, we talked and we fell in love.

I was at a place with the painting where I needed to detail his face. I was always working with filtered lights coming through the cracks in the shades. It was bright enough to see, but to get the details I would need better light.

“Would you mind if I pulled up this blind so I could get a better look at your face?” I asked as I started to search around for the string.
“Sure.” He said, “So I was thinking I would like you to come meet my family. I have been telling them about you. I would really like to introduce you to them.”
I found the string and started tugging at it. “That would be great! I'd love to see you outside of this store...” I started to say as the blinds finally gave and started to roll up. I turned to him and said,. “Now let’s see that handsome face!”
The light poured into the room in a long square shaft that fell across the counter and the man behind it. I gasped when it hit his face, closed my eyes and dropped the blinds.
“Is there a problem?” he asked
“Um, no... I’m just having trouble with the blinds.” I told him. I closed my eyes hard, gave myself a little pep talk and pulled the blinds up again.
I opened my eyes, the light hit his face and I saw the thing that made me drop them the first time. I started to roll them up and down and staring at him.
Whenever the light would roll up his body it would change to a nearly transparent thing. He reminded me of the mummified corpses I have seen in museums and on the history channel over the years. He had a kind of transparency to him that made him seem projected on the wall behind him.
Suddenly it became clear to me why no one else had ever come into the store in all of the time I have spent there. Why the phone never rang, why I never saw him eat or drink. He wasn’t real. He was a ghost or a figment of my imagination or something, but he wasn’t real or human.
“Do you need me to help you with that thing?” he asked and started to walk towards me and out of the sunbeam.
When he stepped out of the light he was the man that I have been talking to for what seemed like months. The man who had been giving me butterflies, who I had been sharing all of my spare time with. He was flesh and bone and as real as I was. He didn’t seem to have any idea what he really was, and I suddenly found myself wanting to protect him from this knowledge because I feared if he knew he might vanish and I would lose him.
“You know… I think the lighting with the shades down is better for painting after all.” I told him and dropped the blinds.
“You are an indecisive one aren’t you?” He said and closed the distance between us, “Since I am over here…” he whispered, “There is something I have wanted to do for days now.” and he kissed me.
Initially the kiss sort of freaked me out since I just found out he was not alive or human for all I knew. I resisted but then gave in to the fact it was the warmest, sweetest kiss ever.
I could not tell him what I knew about him because I was in love with him. I needed to protect him from the truth.

More time passed and I came back every day. We got closer, the seasons changed and soon there was snow on the ground.

One wintery afternoon I walked in to see him and he greeted me with “I have a surprise for you!”
“What is it?” I asked
“Well, I spoke to my parents and they would love for us to come spend the holidays with them! I know they will love you!” he told me with the biggest grin.
“Um, I'm not sure how that's possible…” I started grasping for an explanation for why I don’t think we could leave this place but he cut me short.
“You don’t want to meet my family?” he was getting obviously agitated, “I am beginning to feel like you're ashamed of me or hiding something from me. Don’t you feel the same way about me as I do about you? Is it too much to ask for me to want to introduce the woman I love to my family?”
“That isn’t it, you don’t understand,” I tried to explain; “It is complicated. I am only trying to protect us.”
At this point he was getting really upset and he started to sort of glow and pulse. I was getting really scared. The walls were shaking, things were falling from the shelves and the room began to feel like it was spinning. Suddenly the painting fell from the easel and landed hard on the ground with a loud thud.

This is when I woke up, came to my computer and typed it all out before I forgot it.

Friday, May 12, 2006

A Thousand Kisses Deep

I was working up a rock version of this song last night. I love this song! I think the lyrics are perfect, the chord progression is a piece of cake.
I must have played it a hundred times trying to get my version just right. I came to work today and the original came on my i-tunes. Having heard my sped up version so many times last night, my first thought was "This is how my version would sound played at the wrong speed on a record player!"

I'll never do it justice, but it sure is fun to play for my cats and my kid! :-)

A Thousand Kisses Deep
-Leonard Cohen

The ponies run, the girls are young,
The odds are there to beat.
You win a while, and then it’s done
Your little winning streak.
And summoned now to deal
With your invincible defeat,
You live your life as if it’s real,
A thousand kisses deep.

I’m turning tricks, I’m getting fixed,
I’m back on boogie street.
You lose your grip, and then you slip
Into the masterpiece.
And maybe I had miles to drive,
And promises to keep:
You ditch it all to stay alive,
A thousand kisses deep.

And sometimes when the night is slow,
The wretched and the meek,
We gather up our hearts and go,
A thousand kisses deep.

Confined to sex, we pressed against
The limits of the sea:
I saw there were no oceans left
For scavengers like me.
I made it to the forward deck.
I blessed our remnant fleet
And then consented to be wrecked,
A thousand kisses deep.

I’m turning tricks, I’m getting fixed,
I’m back on boogie street.
I guess they won’t exchange the gifts
That you were meant to keep.
And quiet is the thought of you,
The file on you complete,
Except what we forgot to do,
A thousand kisses deep.

And sometimes when the night is slow,
The wretched and the meek,
We gather up our hearts and go,
A thousand kisses deep.

The ponies run, the girls are young,
The odds are there to beat . . .

All Hail Zinzannia (The grown up Chuck E Cheese)

Licia and I went to Teatro Zinzanni last night. For those of you not in the know you can check out their website here.

The food was delicious and the show was pretty cool. It did have a bit of a cheese factor since it was dinner theatre after all, everything was over the top. If I had one major critique it would be the fact that they took standards and added the word Zinzannia as many times as possible. It totally gave me the feeling I get when I go to Chuck E Cheese. All of the over the top characters singing standards replacing the words with ones that are Chuck related. Yup. That was a tad annoying. If they were to actually just perform the standards I think it would class it up about 110%
And the story was a little weak. They introduced this "all important" piece of ice that seems like it is going to go somewhere, and then they never mention it again. What is up with that? For $125 a ticket, one might expect a cohesive story line. (Our tix were comped through work)

This is one of those audience participation type affairs, and one of the first people to be pulled out on the floor was Licia! The creepy mime that dressed like Dracula decided to give her a little slow dance/feel up session. She kept saying, "I don't want to dance with the creepy guy." and as if on cue, he popped up and took her hand. We had to wonder if the tables had hidden microphones after that.
When Licia was returned with a flower in her cleavage she told stories of his vibrating pants and how he kept pressing it on her. I decided I would get him if he tried that with me.

At the next break the cute, bald clown came and asked me for a slow dance. We were dancing when the Dracula mime cut in. The clown moved on to Licia.

Dracula decided to blindfold me with a red satin blindfold. Once it was secure he was dancing me around. He then pressed his vibrating pants up against me, but having been warned I did not act surprised, instead I leaned in and whispered to him, "I think you are getting a call."

So Dracula spins my blindfolded self around and then the blindfold comes off. I find myself face to face with a super sexy acrobat guy. Licia and I noticed him earlier on, he is foxy! (Sadly the only photos I can find of him he is wearing make up. He wasn't last eve and he was a cutie pie!)
He asked,"Are you surprised?" in his adorable Russian accent
"Um yes!"

The actual performers were really talented. The opera singer brought down the house, the acrobats were pro, and the funny men were pretty funny (especially the Chef). I just wasn't the biggest fan of the actual script. I liked the improved stuff the best. I guess the script really isn't the point, and I should not have been looking for a story. (But I am always looking for a story)

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Random doesn't even begin to describe it.

I was watching a cooking show today. They were featuring carrots and how good they are for your eyes. The guy on TV said that once upon a time they used to feed military pilots so many carrots, in hopes of improving their night vision, that the pilots would turn orange!

Now all I can think about is eating a lot of carrots to see what would happen.

Oh my gosh, someone DID try this! She was kind enough to blog it as well. Carrot Experiment!

Maybe it isn't that I'm afraid of failure, maybe I'm afraid of success?

*List of 10 projects/classes I have started over the last few years and not finished:

1- Making art envelopes out of cool black and white photos. They were really neat, but people don't send letters anymore so I dropped it.

2- Making mosaic boxes with broken CDs. Again they were cool, but the grout was hard on the CD surfaces so it was a pain not to scratch them all up.

3- Painting- So many unfinished sketches, half finished projects, ideas on scratch paper in my purse and hanging on my fridge.

4- Children's book. Wrote a great story, laid it out, never finished the artwork.

5- Fire spinning classes. I had big ideas until I realized that at some point I would have to actually light the wicks I was spinning around.

6- A collection of short stories. I was on a roll with this one for a while, but then I got distracted.

7- Knitting and selling scarves. I made and sold a bunch of scarves. Got to the point where I could make them in my sleep. Quit after the first mail order person "lost it in the mail" and I had to give them a refund. (Basically someone got a free scarf, one of my best actually. I lost faith in people.)

8- Making baby clothes. I made some really cute stuff, but lost interest when I got too busy being a mom.

9- Collage project. I have been collecting clipping for this thing for nearly 5 years and still have not started it yet.

10- That f*ing novel that has been "this close" to being finished for almost 4 years now. I know how it ends. All of the words are in my head. I don't know why I can't get myself to sit down and finish it. It is seriously only a few chapters away from the end. I think it is good, people who have read it have told me it is great, but I think I am afraid if I finish it, and it turns out that it really isn't good it will break me.

*This list doesn't even touch on the photo, film and music projects that I just recently started.

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