Thursday, June 30, 2005

Rock Widows Wear Red

So there is a possibility that the Posies tour will be extended if certain things fall into place. That means Jon comes home for 11 day in between the first Europe tour and the US tour and then he only comes home 5 days for Christmas before he leaves back to Europe again.
He said he is trying to make sure they will be home by March.*
When he said that last night, I said, "OK. No problem."
But then today, I realized that March was only two months ago and that next March is a long flipping time from now!

I know in the grand scheme of things, everything will be dandy, and we are talking of just bringing Darian along for parts of the Euro winter tours because the airfare is SO cheap as compared to the summer, but there is the problem that she is in school and I get limited vacation time. We will figure it out, it is just sort of settling in, the whole reality of it.

I'm sure it will all be fine and dandy, and when he comes home from this tour we will be able to buy the house we have been wanting to buy, but the idea of the space between now and then when we can't be together is just a little sad. In reality it is a drop in the bucket compared to the rest of our lives together.

*And this is only the Posies, don't even get me started on Big Star and then his solo record tour!

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Through this looking glass screen...

I have peered into a distorted world of imagination and perspective that was not available to my forefathers and mothers.

I have become so far removed from verbal communication that I feel like a night out takes a few hours just to warm up and most times too much energy to even bother with. When it comes to conversing with people for pleasure, outside of my little family, and when I am not wearing my worker bee hat, I am out of practice.

I have no cellular phone that tethers me to the world all hours of the day and night. I have an answering machine with a warped tape so I can hear people as they try to reach me through a garbled line, but I do not reach back. I send them text instead.

I had a cell phone but I killed it by letting the battery die and then "misplacing" the adapter that would resuscitate it, twice.
When I am gone, I am unavailable even if this seems irresponsible to some. In reality I am never any place where I could not be reached. I am a creature of comfort and habit that can be reached if just a little thought were put into it. My time is always accounted for and I am rarely alone (as in by myself) I am certain in any form of emergency, I could probably be located.

I do not message instantly because that is only another form of having a conversation, just as fast with mad typing skills and no room for sarcasm. When you have IM on, people have the ability to reach out and tap you on the cyber shoulder when you are anywhere near a keyboard. Then you are faced with either interacting with them or shutting down your IM before you respond which slams a tiny cyber door in their face.

I have friends who voices I have never heard but who lives I feel invested in since I read their journals every day. I get excited for them when they are happy and I get sad for them when they write that they are hurt. We send "vibes" for luck and cyber-hugs for comfort.

What a strange world this is.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005


Jon is the sweetest bestest husband in the whole world! I just got my mail here at work and he sent me a smooshy card in the mail even though he is in town.

*Le Sigh*

Can You Hear It?

EVERY KIND OF LIGHT is in stores today! Woohoo! Many congrats my love!
Now everyone go out and get a copy carn it!

I even wore my "I Heart Jon Auer" shirt to work today in celebration!

Monday, June 27, 2005

I had a pretty busy weekend.

Jon and I went to see Margaret Cho. I had one ticket all day that I finally unloaded and at the last minute someone who was going to go backed out and I had two. Since my original date had already made poker plans I called Jon and shockingly he was interested in going. We made a whole date night ot of it. I got to wear my fabulous dress that I bought in Spain last summer which is actually almost too big at this point! (Yay!) but I just pinned it and paired it with a cute shrug to hide the pins, so nobody was the wiser. I must admit, Margaret Cho was actually funny. I had expected her to be not so funny only because I thought by the last go round her act was getting quite tired, but she had this whole new political act and it was very smart and quite hilarious. The crowd was on fire as well which made it extra fun. There is nothing like sitting in a crowd of booming laughter. It is just good for the soul and as contagious as anything.

we went to see Madagascar which was totally adorable. Jon laughed out loud several times. It has the world's thinnest plot line, but the animation and the characters were just too freaking cute for it to matter a whole bunch. The penguins stole the show for certain!
Then we dined at Denny's (Darian's choice) which actually brought back some fun youthful memories for Jon and I. I would not eat there every day or anything, but now and then it is fun to go back. Loads of adorable super wrinkly couples were there at the time as well. Too cute.

Went to half priced books and bought about 4 books that I have been wanting to read. I already read the first one, was not as good as I had hoped it would be. Oh well. I have higher hopes for the next one and I know enough people who have already read it that I don't think I will be dissapointed.

I did major grocery shopping and laundry. Then we vegged out and watched the boobtube. I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night due to reoccurring dreams, so my tossing and turning kept waking Jon up. Poor guy, he has to record early today, I hope he feels more rested than I do. I think I finally got to sleep around 4AM and then I was just bombarded with vivid images, so it was more exhausting than sleep.

Woke up this AM
late, went to catch the bus which passed me, and then started to walk to work, that is when it started to rain. This all made me laugh really hard and look to the sky and ask, "Really?!?"

'Tis OK though, I am feeling pretty good right now, just kind of tired.

Too spooky for me....

The last three nights I have had dreams about people that I know and love who are no longer alive. Usually I welcome these dreams because in my dreams I forget that they are dead and when I wake up I feel as though I have just had a visit with an old friend.
The unnerving thing about these dreams are not only the frequency but the fact that they are very clear about the fact that they are no longer alive when talking to me in the dreams. This messes with my head.

In other news, all of my animals are acting crazy.

If i believed in voodoo and things of that sort, I would think that something big was about to happen. (I am hoping it was just the gay pride parade making all sorts of unusual noise in the neighborhood yesterday that was tweaking them out.)

Sunday, June 26, 2005

When The Lights Go Up

Written by Jon Auer

If you're still here
When the lights go up
I'll know you finally
You finally showed up

And if you think no one sincerely appreciates
Then let me tell you before it gets too late

I never needed you to tell me
All the words you knew to say
And I've been looking
I've been looking for a long time
Waiting for the day

So if you're still here
When the lights go up
I'd like to thank you for the moment you showed up
And if you're still here
When the curtain falls
I'd like to thank you more for being here at all

And as the audience is leaving
Blessed hope that you will stay
For you are more
You are more than I imagined
Waiting for the day

I never needed you to tell me
All the words you knew to say
For you are more
You are more than I imagined
Waiting for the day...

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