new band, new songs, new words....

I am going to go into the studio with my husband today and record this new song I wrote last weekend. I am very excited and nervous all at the same time. It is the first thing I have written since Song Noir on Jon's new solo record. (I wrote the music and lyrics on the verses he finished it by adding the choruses, not to mention performing it a billion times better than I ever could have.)
The song I am recording today is one that I wrote all by myself. If you know me at all, you know that I love to write music but I am a total chicken when it comes to actually performing my own music. This year I am going to get over that. (At least that is the plan)
So here are the lyrics to the songs that I wrote last weekend and am recording today. Maybe I will post the MP3 of the song if I don't hate it (don't hold your breath)

The Eve Before my wedding day
The one that never came
The Frame for all your hopes and fears

Left Misshapen in its wake
Finding use for my heartache
In the music that we made

I’m not sorry for your pain
I won’t take the blame
I fell in love with someone new
Who wasn’t you
It was never you
It’s never you
It’s never you…

Shouldering the weight of it all
When time gives us time to think and fall
The hours stretch and drag on slowly

As my good humor fades
All the while seeing shades of hope
That in time this play will end for me

I’m not sorry for your blame
I won’t take the pain
I fell in love with someone new
Who wasn’t you
It was never you
It’s never you
It’s never you…

This is my last kiss and tell
From the years I spent in hell
Its my side
of the story of our lives…

I’m not sorry for your pain
I won’t take the blame
I fell in love with someone new
Who wasn’t you
It was never you
It’s never you
It’s not you
It’s not you…

If eyes were made for seeing, Then Beauty is its own excuse for being

I was thinking about the times in my life that I was blown away by the scenery. When there was something magical about the things my eyes were drinking in. I'm going to try and compile a list of these places.

My favorite places in the world:
1-Cathedral of Barcelona (La Seu)-
There was certainly a lot of eye candy in Barcelona, but this was one of my two favorite places in all of Spain and in all of the world (thus far). We went back to the Barcelona Cathedral two times during our short honeymoon trip because we were so impressed with it.
Not to be mistaken with the Gaudi cathedral (Which is usually the tourist's favored cathedral in Barcelona ). To me The Gaudi seemed like a monument to someone's insanity, it didn't really move me the way that the cathedral in the square did. It was cool, but doesn't make the list.
Cathedral of Barcelona brought me to tears twice. There was a children's choir singing the second time we went and I just sat quietly in one of the pews and listened to everything around me. I started to think about all of the people who have been through there. All of the people without hope, ready to give up, looking for sanctuary. You could still feel them there. I've never had such an emotional response to a place in my whole life.
It is one of those places if you have an opportunity to go to alone, sit with your thoughts and allow yourself to be open to it you might learn something about yourself. I will go back to Barcelona again if it is only to visit this place.

2- New York on the East River in the moonlight- After Big Star played a festival on Randalls Island the organizers had rented a water taxi to bring the performers back to the city. It wasn’t crowded at all and was the best way to see New York at night. We went all the way up the East River in the water taxi. The night was warm with a light sprinkle. Everyone was awestruck by the beauty of our little 20 minute voyage. You could see everything from the water. I think I saw nearly every landmark ever referenced in my favorite songs about New York in that one water taxi trip.

3- Skyline Drive in Eagle River, Alaska- This was practically my back yard growing up.
You start driving up what seems like a hill and it quickly turns into a small mountain. The road winds and winds up an up and gets smaller and smaller. Eventually you get to the end and that is where you park. It could be described as a very cliche "make out point" you might see in movies. It was so much more than that, but I'll admit that back in the day I did do some smooching up there. :-)
On a clear night the stars are so big you feel like you can touch them while the northern lights are swirling around and dancing above you. Below you, you can see pretty much all of Anchorage, Eagle River, Chugiak and Palmer... It is as quiet as they come. There is nothing up there.
If you were to ditch your car and hike on for about an hour you will run into a small group of houses. They look like they have been there since the beginning of time. If you peak through the windows you'll see nothing but an antique typewriter and things that look like time stopped during the gold rush. It is possible that it has been developed into condos since I was a kid, but in my memories, this is how it is still.

4- The Dali Museum in Figueres, Spain- A two hour train ride from Barcelona in Figueres lives the Salvador Dali museum. If you ever have the opportunity to go there you absolutely must.
I had time to read the history of Dali a bit and it was very interesting. The man was seriously obsessed with his wife Gala. In fact they put the "crazy fun" in dysfunctional relationships. It wouldn't surprise me if some day they went through that fun house of a museum and found bodies entombed in the walls. (I mean other than his of course)
It was all pretty spectacular and a tad creepy. The whole time I was in the museum I could almost see the parties they used to throw back in it's heyday. Those would have been some amazing parties, with all of the faceless gold figures staring down at you in the courtyard. This is another place that has a soul all of it's own.

5- Franklin Falls/ Denny Creek just past North Bend, WA- It is an easy hike to get to. You sort of feel like you are walking through the woods forever and not really getting anywhere but then the woods open up to these beautiful little water falls that are full of rainbows. It is a peaceful little sanctuary out in the middle of everything.
Jon loved it so much he said that when he dies that is where he wants his ashes spread. Me, I would want a little bit of me spread in all of the places on this list.
One of the coolest things about visiting the falls is on the way back home you can swing by Tweeds cafe and get some coffee and cherry pie all Twin Peaks style.

6- The Cemetery next to Volunteer Park on Capitol Hill, Seattle, WA- It is a five minute walk from my apartment. I know it sounds all Goth to want to hang out in a cemetery, but it is a really cool one.
Not only is it the final resting place of Bruce Lee and his son Brandon, but it is also full of the families that made this city. If you look closely at the oldest monuments you'll recognize many of the last names as neighborhood street names.
It's also not a very active cemetery. I think it has been full for years.
Usually if you go on a perfect blue sunny day with a picnic you can go for hours without even seeing another person. I find it to be the perfect place to go when I don't have time to get away but when I want to be alone. It is my summer sanctuary.

7- to be continued...


True beauty dwells in deep retreats, Whose veil is unremoved, Till heart with heart in concord beats, And the lover is beloved. - William Wordsworth

Parents just don't understand...

So Darian's commentary last night was the best part of the show for me. The show was in a club that is usually a bar. I have seen plenty of pretty great shows there with a drink in my hand. Last night they converted it to an all ages venue so I brought my daughter.
I thought it would be fun to bring her to a place where I go when I go out so it isn't so much a mystery to her anymore. She is also getting to an age where our interests are sort of meeting a fork in the road. I keep thinking if I bring her to different shows one of these days a style of music will really appeal to her. So far the only show that she has even seemed the least bit interested was a Japanese pop band, everything else has been met with yawns and eye rolling.
I understand she needs to rebel, it is part of youth and becoming a teenager. I just never imagined it would be music where she would. It probably is because it is one of the most important things to Jon and I.

Last night the conversation went something like this:
M- So are you having a good time?
D- Um, I guess so.
M- You know it is kind of strange for me to see you here since it is usually a bar. Jon has played here several times.
D- So this is where you guys go for fun?
M- Yes. Do you like it?
D- So, let me get this straight, your idea of a good time is standing around in a cold cement box that is packed with so many people you can't move waiting around forever for a band to start playing?
M- Well I would not put it exactly like that...
D- Yeah, when I'm an adult I think I am going to find a better use for my free time.

Sassy monkey. At least she was smiling when she said it.
What we saw of the show was really good. The ladies sounded wonderful. Darian even said she liked the music. We could not stay long, they started late and it was a school night (literally) so I had to get the girl home. When I got home Jon was there. Seems after a million flight cancelations and being stuck all over the world, he finally made it back.

such a strange girl...

So there is this girl that hates me. Why? Your guess is as good as mine. I don't hate her. I reserve that emotion for those who really deserve it. (It is the flipside to love after all)
The only thing that she and I have in common is that she dated my ex-boyfriend after I left him. I didn't care. I left him because I was not in love with him and I was getting together with someone else. I was over it, she entered that stage long after I exited it. Heck I was in a whole new theatre on the other side of the world at that point.
She did a lot of really strange "Single White Female" stalkerish stuff to me for the next year after the last time I spoke to the ex-boyfriend.
I figured that he was either still in love with me and that made her angry or else she was in love with me and that made her angry. (ha!) Either way it was irritating to say the least, but no more than a bump in the road as I could care less that some random girl hated me for no good reason. I have so many other things to worry about, I just didn't have time to acknowledge it or engage in the BS. I kept anti-harassment paperwork handy in case she got out of hand or dangerous, otherwise I mostly ignored her attempts at being noticed by me.

Well, today, after a crappy visit to the dentist, I decided I needed a little good Karma. I was walking back to the office with my ginormous umbrella. I saw a nice police man standing in the rain with no umbrella and he was walking the same way as me so I told him I would share. He thanked me and I walked with him down the street.
While we were walking and chatting I see the girl who hates me coming in our direction. It has been a few years, she has since moved on from the boy. In fact now the only thing we have in common is an ex. As she approaches us, I could see as it registered in her head who I was. I smiled and winked at her and she just squished her whole face up in what I imagine is her nastiest glare.

The police man joked "Did you kick her puppy or something?"
I said, "Honestly I have no idea who she is."
Which is for the most part true.

People are weird and fascinating but mostly just weird...

Rabbit Fur Coat

This is who I am seeing play tomorrow. The best part? It's all ages, so I am taking Darian as my date!

Words that I love:



Jenny Lewis - You Are What You Love

This is no great illusion
When I'm with you I'm looking for a ghost
Or invisible reasons
To fall out of love and run screaming from our home

Because we live in a house of mirrors
We see our fears and everything
Our songs, faces, and second hand clothes
But more and more we're suffering
Not nobody, not a thousand beers
Will keep us from feeling so all alone

But you are what you love
And not what loves you back
That's why I'm here on your doorstep
Pleading for you to take me back

The phone is a fine invention
It allows me to talk endlessly to you
About nothing disguising my intentions
Which I'm afraid, my friend, are wildly untrue

It's a sleight of hand, a white soul band
The heart attacks I'm convinced I have
Every morning upon waking
To you I'm a symbol or a monument
Your rite of passage to fufillment
But I'm not yours for the taking

But you are what you love
And not what loves you back
So I guess that's why you keep calling me back

I'm fraudulent, a thief at best
A coward who paints a bullshit canvas
Things that will never happen to me
But at arms length, it's Tim who said
I'm good at it, I've mastered it
Avoiding, avoiding everything

But you are what you love, Tim
And not what loves you back
And I'm in love with illusions
So saw me in half
I'm in love with tricks
So pull another rabbit out of your hat

Fuzzies!

I am a silly girl. I am completely in love with these little guys. The babies are 3 weeks old now and sort of look like tiny little furballs buzzing all over the cage.

On Fire...

Shorts:
So at some point on Sunday after all of Saturday's adventure, I looked down at my hand and realized I was not wearing my wedding ring. Talk about a heart stopping moment. I was completely convinced I had lost it while I was out drinking and being silly.
I almost started crying but then I remembered what had happened: I purchased this really cool sparkly piece of costume jewelry earlier on Saturday before I went out but it was so big I could not wear a ring on my ring finger while I was wearing it, so I took my wedding ring off before I went out on Saturday. At some point while I was slightly intoxicated the costume ring was getting on my nerves so I took that off as well. Since I had only just purchased it, I forgot I owned it in my hung-over fog on Sunday and really thought I had lost my wedding ring. So happy it was sitting safely in my jewelry box and back on my hand. Talk about heart attack inducing moments. (I should mention this ring has been in Jon's family for like a hundred years so I would have been in some major trouble.)

About a week ago I saw a movie called 9 Lives. I really enjoyed it. I don't remember it ever being in the theatres and I rented it due to the fact it had so many huge actors in it. I was pleasantly surprised and impressed by it. I highly recommend it as a renter. My favorite short was the one with Robin Wright-Penn, but it did make me cry.

Nenu and I started working on some songs for a little bit yesterday. It was kind of an impromptu thing that happened after we had breakfast. Afterwards I was very inspired. We have such great chemistry I think working with her is going to be really easy. I have not even seriously considered wanting to step up on a stage again in years. I thought I was over it, but now I am thinking I could see doing it and actually enjoying it. I think it is because this time I would be doing it for the sheer love of music and having fun with my best friends and nothing else. I hope Licia is still up for some drumming.

I finally changed my hair color. I have a hard time believing I managed to stick with one color for so long. It isn't too dramatic, but quite a bit darker. I still have the bright red on the underside, but the top is black and burgundy. It will be easier on grow out since my natural color is pretty dark and always looked bad when growing out with the bright red on top.

And lastly, I just realized I don't remember when the last time I spoke to Jon was. Australian tours suck because the time difference is so crazy that there's never a good time to connect on the phone. When he is available I am at work and when I am available he is playing shows or sleeping. He needs to give up sleeping like I did, it really frees up a lot of time! It also occurred to me that I am not even entirely sure when he is coming home this time. Am I actually becoming acclimated to him being gone on tour all of the time?

you know it has been a good night when...

you have a ticket stub from 5th row seats and a backstage pass in your coat pocket.
you remember having a great conversation with one of your favorite artists after a mind boggling show.
after you leave the show you go to another pretty cool concert and get in for free even though there is a $15 cover because you know people who know people.
at some point, high and happy from show #1 you exclaim, "Let's go drink doubles!"
you actually go and drink the doubles.
and then some more.
and a little more...
you relentlessly tease a guy friend about looking "hot" in a flickr photo
you go hug a girl because you "know her from Myspace" and talk about what pretty teeth she has.
you get safely delivered home by sober friend
you wrote an LJ entry that only states "I am drunk"
since your house is empty you decide you don't want to be alone...
and this is where it starts to get blurry, but I know this:
I woke up in Nenus bed with a massive hangover, wearing pajamas on my bottom half and my dress from last night on the top, a digi-camera full of boarder-line naughty photos of us in her bed, a cell phone full of people returning messages from me at 4AM (I have no outbox so I have no idea what I said to them) and an empty bottle of Framboise by the bed...
I am typing this on her laptop while she is sleeping. I managed about 3 hours of good sleep.

all in all it was one for the books. if i did see/text you and if i said anything stupid, it was the vodka and my teeeeeeny tolerance for booze talking. we will never speak of this again.