Built to Spill

I just got an email where someone said they liked the name of my blog. They told me it would make a good lyric. My answer was "It is a great lyric from one of my favorite bands"
I guess I just assumed everyone knew that.

Anyhow, here are the words to the song that my blog is named after:

Car (From the record There's Nothing Wrong With Love)-

You get the car
I'll get the night off
You'll get the chance to take the world apart and figure out how it works
Don't let me know what you find out
I need a car
You need a guide
Who needs a map
If I don't die or worse I'm gonna need a nap
At best I'll be asleep when you get back
I wanna see it when you find out what comets, stars, and moons are all about
I wanna see their faces turn to backs of heads and slowly get smaller
I wanna see it now

I want specifics on the general idea
I wanna think what I should know
Want you to do me what to show
I wanna see movies of my dreams
I wanna see movies of my dreams
I wanna see movies of my dreams
I wanna see movies of my dreams
I wanna see it when you get stoned on a cloudy breezy desert afternoon
I wanna see it untame itself and break its owner
I wanna see it now
I wanna see it now

Things I learned from watching late night television:

Mccauley Culkin calls his penis Floyd.
I have a huge crush on Conan O'Brien. (He is really tall and really funny what more could a girl ask for?)
It only costs $240 to help a child with a cleft pallet.
They rerun all of the best old movies and television shows around 3AM.
There are certain channels that must be avoided at all costs after a certain hour. I saw something on my screen that I could have gone my whole life without seeing. Now it's burned in my brain. Eww. I didn't know public access went so *blue* after hours.
Actors in infomercials have dead eyes and big smiles.
and
No matter what channel you fall asleep watching, you will inevitably wake up with some crazy religious programming screaming at you giving you apocalyptic nightmares.

I don't want to change the world, I'm not looking for a new England

Last night I had another band practice with Nenu. We have started discussing band names.
If you have any ideas send them my way please... I have a few ideas, but nothing solid yet. Things that sounded good after a few drinks don't sound so pretty this morning.

I’m going back in the studio this weekend to work on more songs and fix the one that I started last weekend. Hopefully I’ll have something ready for public consumption by Sunday night. I would love to not go to work for the next week and lock myself down at the studio until I came out with a finished product. It is where my head is anyhow. I am completely consumed by it.

Beware of the Ides of March

I just realized what today is. It is the anniversary of the day I almost got married to someone I didn't love.
I came to my senses and backed out at the last minute. People had taken time off work, tickets were booked, dresses had been purchased, ceremonies written, invitations in the process of being printed and then I had a moment of clarity. (The moment of clarity happened in a closet at a party of all places.) I went home and ended it the next day.
Had I gone through with it I would have left him and been divorced before our first anniversary. I know myself well enough to know this much.

The funniest things almost happen when we choose to sleepwalk through life...

Sometimes I almost feel just like a human being…

I have been writing a lot of really strange emails this morning. Not strange as in creepy, but strange as in a lot of heavy thought involved before my first cup of coffee. It is welcome, gets the sludgy grey matter moving upstairs.

Jon and I have had a few nights of what I like to call the “insomniacs revolving door”. We sleep in shifts. I will fall asleep sort of early and wake up sometime in the middle of the night. He will be in the living room passed out with some DVD intro stuck on repeat. I will go to turn it off which will wake him up. He will go to bed but then I am awake. So then I am out watching late night television until the sun comes up. We can go around and around like this for days. It puts a new spin on ‘two ships passing in the night’ for me. It is nice to share sleeping issues with someone though. In the past my lack of being able to sleep through the night was a major point of contention for other people who have tried to cohabitate with me.

Last night I caught what I like to refer to as a cry-o-mercial. It was for Operation Smile. It is the one where they find these broken babies and they put them back together. My heart goes out to them. Every time I see it I just want to get on a plane and hug them all.

I’m bummed that I didn’t go into medicine. Why did I go to art school? I know; I was following the dream. (More like I was doing what came easiest.) I started school when my daughter was two. As a single mom I knew I had to take it easy because I didn’t have much time for studies between going to school full time, working part time and being in a band. So I went to art school. It was fun, but probably not the best choice in the long run.

My step-dad went to medical school when he was older. I try to keep that in mind. I told Darian that maybe we can go to college together. She seems to think that is a good idea (for now).

Giving you good reviews in modern press...

OK, so I just got the best review ever from the lovely *Mira who was persistent and made me tell her where my secret song is hiding. After what she wrote back I feel I can retire from music as I could never again hope to ever have anyone give me a better review. I don't totally believe her, but I sure love her for saying it. I seriously owe this girl a big kiss when she gets to the states!

(*I hope she doesn't kill me for re-posting her email here, but I have to so the next time I am feeling all down I will know where to find it.)

M:
Wow, I'm all tingly in the back of my neck from your
sweet voice. That is a beautiful song and your voice
sounds like an orchid, delicate and vulnerable... I
love it, love it, love it! You are absolutely crazy to
think that this is a "really rough" demo.

The chorus is perfect and the melody just dances
so lightly down those notes. I know a little of the
story so the lyrics really resonate.

Wow, what a wonderful feeling :)

Good work Red! Encore, encore!!!

Pictures of You...

I was up late last night going through old photo albums. I have one for each year and each phase of my life. This last year has been all recorded on digital film. At some point I will have to go into flickr and pick out the best and order enough to fill an album.
The thing that started to depress me while strolling down memory lane was the high number of friends who appear with me in those pages who are no longer alive. These are people who were my age, in my peer group. They have all been taken out by random/drunken car accidents, rare cancers, suicide and random acts of violence. If I never go to another funeral again for someone under 30 I will be happy.
There was a long time where I didn't even want to care about anyone anymore or be close to them because I didn't think I could handle saying goodbye forever to another person. I found it easier to keep people at a safe distance than it was to risk losing them.
It has been over a year since I have lost someone that I loved and I find myself in a place again where someone I know is barely clinging to life. I am hoping for the best, praying for a miracle and all of that. I have not given up hope.
I will say, if all of this death has taught me anything, it would be this:
When life hands you opportunity, don't let fear stop you. Just don't. Say what you need to say, do what makes you happy and don't put off living your life for anything or anyone ever.

Pop music of the future...

I spent my Sunday In a dark studio in the Sodo area of Seattle recording my first demo in about a billion and a half years. Things went well for the most part. We could only run through the vocals once before a loud metal band started playing next door so we were not able to fix the parts I would like to have fixed.
I've never recorded vocals with Jon before, so I was nervous. I can tell when I listen to the playback as I have a certain amount of pitchy vibrato on certain words that only comes with nerves. It is one thing singing and playing at home all day, it is another thing doing it for keeps.
He says he's looking forward to recording some more in the coming weeks. Jon thinks it's good enough to post as a rough demo on the internet for my friends to hear. I think most of my friends are such uber talented musicians that I won’t be posting any rough anythings for them to hear… I found a compromise.
The demo has been posted on the World Wide Web. Where you ask? Let’s just say that it is my secret. ;-)