R.I.P. Tripod Mouse

Our poor little Tripod mouse was put to sleep a few minutes ago. She had grown a huge tumor and looked so sad, we knew it was time.
This was really hard for me because we have lost three of them in such a short period of time. It was also more difficult because we had to make the choice to let her go today. It is easier when they go peacefully and naturally. The whole circle of life thing. When it is your time it happens. I expect that and can be OK with that.
When I have to decide that "Today is the day you will die" even though she is just a teeny little mouse, it sucks. Her pure will to live was so strong it was inspiring. She was a little runt mouse who only had three legs. We had to convince the store to sell her to us because she was "Defective"
We brought her home with a big healthy friend. She ran in the wheel and kept up. She outlived the healthier mouse and even after she started to grow a tumor she still ran in the wheel every day and didn't let it slow her down.
Had we not decided to put her to sleep today, I bet she would have lived a really long time. But the tumor was getting so big that she was having trouble getting around and she looked really unhappy dragging it with her. I was afraid it was going to start choking her given the proximity. Being slowly choked to death is no way to go.

I am sad. What is sadder still is that I am going to go home and there will be an empty cage sitting there now that both Xena and Tripod are gone. It will be hard refraining from going to the pet store this weekend. (I am SUCH a sucker for the small and fuzzy things)

We could learn a lot from that little three legged mouse.

One two three four five six seven, all good children go to Heaven

I was bummed that I didn't get any good photos of the stage antics on NYE because I didn't feel like fighting the crowd. I'm so glad my friend Laura (Who is also the owner of my dream camera) did get a great shot or ten. Here is my favorite:

That would be Mr Jon Auer on the left and Mr Sean Nelson on the right.

To see the rest of her NYE photos go here


So this is the new year.
And I don't feel any different.
The clanking of crystal
Explosions off in the distance (in the distance).

So this is the new year
And I have no resolutions
For self assigned penance
For problems with easy solutions

So everybody put your best suit or dress on
Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
As thirty dialogues bleed into one

I wish the world was flat like the old days
Then I could travel just by folding a map
No more airplanes, or speedtrains, or freeways
There'd be no distance that can hold us back.

There'd be no distance that could hold us back...
-DCFC

Brief Encounters with the Twilight Zone

New Years Eve was a lot of fun. Got to see Harvey Danger bring the rock (AKA one of my favorite Seattle bands) and as an added bonus Jon went up and played the 2nd half of Abbey Road with HD and the Awesome guys.

It was perfection.

There were a couple of blog-worthy moments in the “What were you thinking” department last eve:

There was one drunk and very strange foreign man that propositioned me to have sex with him for money. He was pretty determined to get my attention as well. At first I laughed at him and asked him if he was trying to be funny, but after he followed me around the room for a few minutes and kept pestering me I finally pointed him out to security.

A few moments after security made foreign fah-reak-o leave me alone another guy comes up to me and asks, “Is your online name Leather Pants?”
“Um, What?”
“Is your online name Leather Pants?”
“No. Sorry dude. I’m not Leather Pants, in fact I don’t believe I’ve ever owned leather pants.” (har har)
”Are you sure it isn’t you? Where are you from?”
“Listen, I’m sure I am not this person you think I am.”
"She is an online dominatrix from Colorado. Where are you from? Are you from Colorado?” He demands
OK, so he was being polite but I could tell by his tone he had convinced himself that I was this person and I was just playing coy. So I just politely yet firmly set him straight and walked off. He didn’t talk to me again for the rest of the night but he did hover in the background and kept looking at me suspiciously.

So not only did I look like a hooker, but I also looked like a Dominatrix. And here I was going for Old Hollywood, not Hollywood Blvd. Ah, such is life in the city.
I’m a freak magnet. I wonder if there is a support group?


After the show, I got home, uploaded my photos from the night and watched the Twilight Zone marathon. I stayed up until around 7AM and decided I need to try and get a little rest.

Every time I tried to lay down I could not find sleep. My mind was racing with thoughts of what I want out of this New Year. I kept going over and over all of the possibilities. I was planning and plotting and so on.
I understand that it is just a calendar changing, but since it is a milestone that is celebrated worldwide, as cliché as it sounds, I think it is the perfect time to ponder your life and make a game plan.

I finally got up, took a long shower and turned The Twilight Zone back on for a while. Eventually I caught a 3 hour cat nap and went to brunch with the family after the kid rolled out of bed.

After we returned from food I retreated to my room to spend some time working on a song I had planned to record today. Sadly, because I was sick all last week, my lungs are not too strong today. I kept coughing about midway through the songs. I ended up putting off recording this afternoon.

Bummer.

Instead I stayed in my bed all day with my guitar lying next to me while watching old Twilight Zone episodes and old black and white movies.

I watched one of my all time favorite movies; Brief Encounter. When it ended I immediately watched it again with the commentary on.
When the commentary was over I stared at the ceiling and contemplated the universe, my life, and every decision, missed opportunity and pretty much everything I’ve ever done since childhood.
There is a reason I try to only watch that movie once a year.

happy new year Y’all

The warmth of your love
is like the warmth of the sun
and this will be our year
took a long time to come

don't let go of my hand
now darkness has gone
and this will be our year
took a long time to come

and I won't forget
the way you held me up when I was down
and I won't forget the way you said,
"Darling I love you"
You gave me faith to go on

Now we're there and we've only just begun
This will be our year
took a long time to come

The warmth of your smile
smile for me, little one
and this will be our year
took a long time to come

You don't have to worry
all your worried days are gone
this will be our year
took a long time to come

and I won't forget
the way you held me up when I was down
and I won't forget the way you said,
"Darling I love you"
You gave me faith to go on

Now we're there and we've only just begun
and this will be our year
took a long time to come

Yeah we only just begun
yeah this will be our year
took a long time to come

-The Zombies

2006: I am a butterfly.

2006 was all about the people.

Goodbye to 2006.

If 2006 had a running theme it would be one that was about interpersonal relationships. I learned more about people this last year than I have in the past several years.

It certainly had its ups and downs and moments of definitive pain and sadness but I am happy with how the year is ending. It is ending with me in a place where I know exactly what I need and expect from the people I consider a part of my inner circle and I know what I will and will not tolerate. I feel stronger and more confident than I have in years. I feel like I am coming out of a long sleep or nightmare with the end of this year.

Highlights and lowlights:

- New Years Eve was pretty magical last year. It was the first time in a long time where I thought everything might have a chance at being OK. I celebrated with good friends and good times. The year looked like it was going to be a great one.

- Jeannine and I experimented with some pretty bizarre natural healing things in the beginning of the year. (can you say Colon Hydrotherapy... um let's just not talk about it.) Had several nights of eating frites and looking at cute hipster boys.

- I got lied to and completely screwed over by three of my closest friends. Came to terms with it and will leave all memories good/bad of them behind with 2006. My break up with my best friend was one of my hardest breakups in the history of breakups for me because I really thought we were best friends. It was hard, but it is behind me now.

- Acquired a stalker.

- Spent time with my mom that was really good. Didn't want to leave.

- Had one of the best birthdays I’ve had in years!

- Got to meet Mira in person!!!

-Watched my daughter change from a little girl to a young woman right before my eyes.

-Had some pretty epic and life changing talks.

-Created the Trump Towers of gerbil land.

-Lost three very beloved pets: Xena Mouse, Kodo Gerbil, and Gala Kitty. It was almost as hard for me as losing people, for real.

-Kodo finally had a litter of babies that survived and are now happily carrying on her legacy which makes it easier to deal with the fact she is gone.

-Got into fight with not one, but two boys trying to mistreat my girlfriend. Decided I'm getting too old to be a kneecap buster.

-Went to Los Angeles for the first time and went to my first VIP celebrity filled party. realized it was sort of boring and really not nearly as fun as Seattle.

-I got to know my brother and his wife better. I am looking forward to them being in my life a lot more down the road. They are good people. It is nice being friends with someone who grew up in the same childhood that I did. It makes me feel less alone. I almost forgot that I wasn't alone.

-I spent a LOT of time alone and I discovered the SIMS which is a good and bad thing. Took out a lot of my agressions on The SIMS. If you made me angry in 2006 I probably turned you into a SIM at some point. ;-) Heehee. They are like electronic Voodoo Dolls. I've created a town called New Seattle. Be afraid.

-Watched two women that I hold in the highest regard meet wonderful men and finally get treated with the love and respect I always knew they would find some day. This warms my heart.

- Found out that I am going to be an Aunt. I can hardly wait.

-Discovered I have a great love for photography and hamming it up for the camera.

-I gained 20 and then lost 30 pounds and I am starting 2007 healthier and in better shape than I have been in since 1998. It feels really good and I look and feel years younger than I did even a few months ago. And I am not done getting fit. I am going to take it all the way this time.

-I finally changed my hair color and I discovered that I CAN wear red lipstick after a 30 year ban on it. It was all a matter of confidence which I suddenly have a lot more of.

-Started picking up my guitar again, wrote some really good songs, sang in front of some people I have a lot of respect for and they actually liked what they heard. I now have the confidence to record and bring music back to the forefront of my life. I've come to grips with the fact that I have talent and I should be proud of it and not let the fact that I suffer from stage fright and lack confidence because of a silly expectation of perfection that I put on myself stop me from doing something that brings me the greatest joy. (It didn't hurt that I co-wrote a song on Jon's record that got some really great press this last year. And I didn't just write lyrics on it like a lot of people thought, I wrote the music and words for the versus and Jon wrote the chorus and arranged it.)

-I wrote more this year and got to a point where I am censoring myself less and opening up more which has lead to some of the best writing I've done in my life.


2006 was quite the year. Glad it is over.