Friday, July 28, 2006

Why I Wear black

(This is something silly I wrote a few years ago that I just came across again)
I was at a hockey game with my parents. I noticed a really large woman from across the arena. She stood out for two reasons; she was probably the largest person I had ever seen at that point in my life, and she was dressed completely in black from head to toe. In a sea of Team colors, Yellow and Green, her enormous black shape stood out.

My dad leaned down and whispered in my ear, “Do you know why she wears all black?” He asked

“Because someone died?” I guessed

“No, because black makes you look thinner, so fat ladies like to wear it to hide their shape.” He said very matter-of-factly

I looked down at my own pubescent and awkward shape. I looked at my pastel sweater and white jeans, which were popular for eleven-year-old girls at the time. I decided if black made you look thin then I must look huge in what I am wearing.

From that moment on, every shopping trip consisted of nothing but black purchases. Black dresses, black pants, black sweater, black tights, all on a quest to look as thin as possible.

A few years later, on my first day of high school, I walked about ten feet through the front door and I hear, “Hey Goth girl.”

And so it began.

I had no idea that the fat lady wearing black at the hockey game was going to effect how people saw me for the next seventeen years of my life.

I like to ponder how my life may have been different if she had chose to wear team colors that particular evening, or if my father had not played into my adolescent insecurities by educating me on the benefits of wearing black.

It makes me laugh when I think about it now.

All I wanted was to look even thinner. I was inadvertently labeled and handed a whole lifestyle.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

There ain't no cure for love...

Three of my favorite people have to say goodbye to their favorite people in the next 48 hours. There are no promises, no regrets, just life getting in the way of love. It is really bizarre and almost eerie timing that this is all happening at once.

It reminds me of my own life 11 years ago.
I had 14 days.
14 days with this person who I knew I would fall in love with. (Girls always know first)
On the last day when we knew we had to say goodbye
I missed my flight on purpose just so I could put off leaving for one more day.
When we finally parted ways we cried and kissed and said "I will see you then"
I flew home
We didn't talk again for two years.
I missed him every day.
We tried to move on.
We were not real friends again for almost seven years.
Year 8 & 9 life threw us together again as friends and we spent nearly every day together
The end of 9 he almost lost me forever
By year 10 we were married.

So ladies, I know you are sad but remember: It is never goodbye. This is only "I'll see you then"

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

If a tree falls in the forest...

Two days ago my neighbor jumped from the 11th floor of his building and hit a concrete table. He hit so hard he broke the table. He died on impact.

The neighborhood rumor mill is saying he didn't leave any note that anyone knows of, but he was suffering from depression and AIDS. He had been hospitalized recently but nobody was sure why. Apparently, a lot of the people that live in that building are suffering from depression and various other mental disorders.

The neighborhood consensus is that stress just piled up on him and he could not deal with it any longer.

I can't find it anywhere in the newspapers. There was a chopper hanging above the hood for about 20 minutes after it happened, but it didn't make any news programs either.

Just sad.

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