I Heart Gadgets!

Along with my dream camera I have added this nifty little doodad to my wish list.
Gorillapod, a small, flexible tripod tool that can attach itself to just about anything. What a great idea!

More here: http://www.joby.com/

I could not resist! Seattle: Cat Adoption Nov 18th

I saw this as ad of the day on the Stranger website and had to repost it. If you are thinking about adding to your family please head over to this event! I may go just to see all of the little furry faces! (Although I do tend to get new pets every time Jon goes on tour.)

Cat Adoption in Meadowbrook Community Center Nov. 18th
Join us as the Seattle Animal Shelter hosts an off-site cat adoptation at the Meadowbrook Community Center. There will be many cats and kittens of different breeds available for adoption from noon to 3 pm. Adoption fees range from $82 to $87 (payable by check or cash).

Saturday, November 18th
Noon to 3pm

Meadowbrook Community Center
10517 35th Ave NE 98125 (Lake City)

Phone: 206 – 386 - PETS

The most wonderful time of the year...

Satsumas = Mouthgasm

I damn near did a little dance when I saw the boxes stacked in the store this weekend.

And other things that remind me of this time of year: This Red House Painters song just came up on my iTunes.
(This song tends to turn up on a lot of my Fall/Winter mixes)

Song: Have You Forgotten
-Red house Painters

I can't let you be, cause your beauty won't allow me
wrapped in white sheets,
like an angel from a bedtime story
and shut out what they say,
cause your friends are fucked up anyway
and when they come around,
somehow they feel up and you feel down.

When we were kids, we hated things our parents did
we listened low to Casey Kasem's radio show
that's when friends were nice,
to think of them just makes you feel nice
the smell of grass in spring
and October leaves cover everything.

Have you forgotten how to love yourself? [x2]

I can't believe all the good things that you do for me
sat back in a chair like a princess from a faraway place
nobody's nice, when you're older your heart turns to ice
and shut out what they say;
they're too dumb to mean it anyway

When we were kids, we hated things our sisters did
backyard summer pools and Christmases were beautiful
and the sentiment of coloured mirrored ornaments
and the open drapes
look out on frozen farmhouse landscapes

Have you forgotten how to love yourself?

May your soda always be fizzy and may your Doritos never be soggy.

Confessions of a 7 year old. (sorry mom) ;-)

When I was little my mom and dad told me I was not allowed to eat my father's Doritos or drink his Coca Cola because it would ruin my dinner and my teeth.

They used to buy the Coca-Cola by the suitcase full, so every now and then I would sneak one out of the fridge in the middle of the night and hide it under my bed. Sometimes I would even take two.

Eventually I had quite the stockpile of soda squirreled away. I would drink the sugary and caffeinated goodness while everyone else in the house were sleeping. Then I would sneak into the kitchen and steal the giant bag of chips. I would eat as many as I thought I could get away with without being noticed and then I would suck the cheese off more of them one chip at a time and carefully line them up on a plate to dry.

When I had my fill of nacho cheese goodness I would dump the cheeseless chips back into the bag and shake the bag to "recoat" the chips with the cheese from the other chips. Then I would put it back where I found it, no one the wiser.

True story.

So, the burning question is: Do you really know what your kids are doing while you're sleeping?

A dream unusual of its kind

The nightmares have started again. I was blissfully without them for a blessed few months but they came back full force this weekend. Last night's dream was so scary I woke up at 4AM clutching the blankets around me and shivering. I had to put my glasses on and turn on the lamp before I could calm down. I almost went and crawled into bed with Darian, but decided against it. Instead I curled up with Buddy who always seems to be right there when I wake up like that. It is like he knows.

That is the hardest part about sleeping alone. Most of the time it is a bit of a luxury. You can sprawl across the bed, leave the TV on whatever channel you want, arrange the pillows just right and roll all over in your sleep without disturbing anyone. I don't sleep well, so it is a challenge to sleep next to me. The big downside comes when you wake up from a nightmare and you are not sure if it was a dream or if it was real and you don't have someone to grab ahold of who will whisper that it was just a dream and it is OK to go back to sleep.

Saturday's dream was full of Zombies. These zombies would turn you into one if you looked directly at them. I was walking through the dream with my eyes closed, bumping into things, hearing awful things going on around me. It was a strange dream because it was completely audio. The most frightening part was the blackness and the fear of opening my eyes. I could hear people poking out their own eyes just to avoid accidentally looking at the zombies. Totally freaky and horrible.

Last night was just a whole new level of dark and still too fresh to even try to describe because, frankly, I am still a little afraid of it. It was scary because it was a lot more believable and realistic than zombies. It's theme was something that could really happen.

I want to beat up Cancer

Growing up in a house full of boys, we solved a lot of our problems with our fists. As far as I know my brothers would never hit a girl now that they are adults, but as children, I don’t think they ever considered their sister a girl. I was an equal to them and that meant I was fair game.
My brothers are also both over 6’3” tall, so I was pretty small next to them. The only advantage of being the middle child in this situation was, by nature, I became a pretty strong negotiator.
These skills have come in handy as an adult. When faced with a crisis I can both negotiate and I can take a punch (literally and figuratively)

As far as girls go, I am a pretty tough cookie. I am a fighter through and through.

The only thing that I can’t figure out how to take on is disease. It seems that everywhere I turn right now someone is being taken down by some sort of horrible disease. I know three people who have started some form of Chemo in the last month. The youngest is only 11 years old. Cancer is such a sneaky horrible disease and when you are watching it attack someone you care about all you can do is sit there and hope and pray that it will go away. It makes one feel helpless.

Simply put, I wish I could beat up Cancer. I think it really deserves a major ass kicking.

Love my buddy

Maybe that is why my google bar at the top of blogger is always showing cat related links?

Lots to report, no desire to report it, so I will give you this for now:
Jon is in Europe again. He will be touring for the whole month of November.

Here are the dates for those of you who live across the pond:
Nov 3 2006 9:00P Garage Oslo, Norway
Nov 4 2006 9:00P Garage Bergen, Norway
Nov 5 2006 9:00P Debaser Stockholm, Sweden
Nov 6 2006 9:00P KB Malmo, Sweden
Nov 8 2006 9:00P Pusterviksbaren Gothenburg, Sweden
Nov 9 2006 9:00P Klubi Tampere, Finland
Nov 10 2006 9:00P Dynamo Turku, Finland
Nov 11 2006 9:00P Bar 68 Jyvaskyla, Finland
Nov 12 2006 9:00P Tavastia Club Helsinki, Finland
Nov 14 2006 8:00P Melkweg Amsterdam, Holland
Nov 15 2006 9:00P Ekko Utrecht, Holland
Nov 16 2006 9:00P De Schuit Leiden, Holland
Nov 18 2006 9:00P Trix Antwerp, Belgium
Nov 19 2006 8:00P Pop In Paris, France
Nov 21 2006 9:00P Moby Dick! Madrid, Spain
Nov 22 2006 10:00P Fabrica de Chocolate Vigo, Spain
Nov 23 2006 8:00P Teatre Lloseta Mallorca, Spain
Nov 24 2006 9:00P Sala La 2 Barcelona, Spain
Nov 25 2006 9:00P Planta Baja Granada, Spain
Nov 26 2006 7:00P El Lokel Zurich, Switzerland
Nov 27 2006 9:00P Szene Wien Vienna, Austria
Nov 28 2006 9:00P Weekender Club Innsbruck, Austria
Nov 29 2006 9:00P Gruner Jager Hamburg, Germany
Nov 30 2006 9:00P Gleis 22 Munster, Germany
Dec 1 2006 9:00P Borderline London, England
Dec 2 2006 8:00P Casa de S. & M. Mills! Somewhere
Dec 3 2006 9:00P King Tuts Glasgow, Scotland

More info at www.jonauer.com

Happy Halloween!!

Here is My little Sakura Princess and a pill popping Courtney Love getting ready to go trick or treating!

Reflecting...

More fun with photos this weekend.



come around at christmas
i really have to see you
smile at me slyly
another festive compromise
but i live with desertion
and eight million people
distant noises
other voices
pulsing in my swinging arms
caress the sound
so many dead
and all the other voices said
change your mind
you're always wrong
-R.S.

The Last Time I Saw Paris

Was never! :-)
BUT last night my husband asked me if I wanted to go.

We are now in the process of planning our very first international family vacation!
We just have to get Darian's passport since she is going to come with us.

You should have seen her face, she got SO excited!

She is so happy these days. She loves having a family with both a mom and a dad SO much. She is blossoming in that environment. It just warms my heart.

Jon, Darian and I had such a good time travelling to Alaska for a week, so we know we travel well together. This is going to be awesome.

I've wanted to go to Paris for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid I had pictures of the Eiffel tower all over my room.
I was obsessed with the place!

Happy 12th birthday!

Wow. Twelve years have gone by.
Twelve long years have just vanished.
Poof.
Gone.
Whenever my daughter's birthday rolls around it makes me feel a little reflective. It forces me to take a moment to really consider the last several years. I try to remember what it was like before I was someone's mom. The more time that passes the less I remember about that time.
Now that she is getting older and is at an age where she is closer to being an independent adult than she is to being an infant I have noticed I've been experiencing a new and different fear than I did before. Before I would worry about making sure that I am being a good influence, that I am teaching her to walk, talk, use the bathroom, to dress herself, get along with kids at school, to share, to basically do all of the things we as adults do every day and take for granted that someone at some point taught us.
Now my worries have shifted. Now I worry about preparing her for life on a deeper level. I am always aware of the fact that every move I make is watched and recorded by her to draw on as an example of what to do or not to do when she is and adult. I have to ask her to speak up when ordering in restaurants to prepare her for being assertive in future office situations. I have her handle the debit machine in the store so she understands the basics of shopping. I teach her to look at labels of everything we purchase so she understands serving sizes and nutritious content. I have her look up her fast food meals on online menus so she really understands what she is putting in her body when she wants a second taco. I have to make sure to tell her "No." every once in a while, even if I know she will be mad at me, so she understands that in life we don't always get what we want.
And the hardest thing, the thing that a person could lose sleep over if they think too long and hard about it: I have to try really hard to be the kind of adult that I want her to be better than someday.

Live by example. Never be a "do as I say, not as I do" kind of parent. Those are the types that wonder why their kids never call after all they did for them as a child, they wonder where they went so wrong when their kids end up in bad situations married to abusers, or addicted to drugs.
The man who is holding his third beer after work waving his arm in his son's face saying, "I don't ever want to catch you drinking!"
The kind of mom who is lecturing her daughter on being promiscuous when her daughter has seen a revolving door of men come through the house.
The father who won't cry in front of his son or the mother who won't let go of a man even if he is hitting her in fear of being alone.

Kids can overcome difficult childhoods. We are not destined to become our parents, but it isn't the norm. My biggest fear is that my daughter will become a young mom just like I was, like my mother was and my grandmother before her. The last thing I want for my daughter is to give up on her youth so early. I want her to have it in her to chase her dreams with the freedom to make mistakes, and choices and to enjoy everything that youth has to offer. I want her to be secure in the fact that she is really loved for who she is and that she has a family who would do anything for her and support her in any way. I don't want her to be so lonely for a real family that she decides to throw her youth away to create one by having a child of her own.

I don't regret having a daughter when I did, I would not change it now because she is the love of my life. I only wish I would have waited until I had an identity of my own before I had a baby. Now I wonder what kind of adult I will be when she leaves me.
Will I regress and be a pathetic forty-something trying to pretend I am a twenty-something? I know women like that, and it is just sad. Old ladies hanging out at the rock clubs with the young kids trying to dress like them and hang with them and even -ugh- date them.
Will I try to be her friend more than her mother?
Will I fall into a deep depression when it hits me that being a mother has been the greatest thing I have ever done and it is over, and just look forward to maybe being a grandmother?
Or will I freak out and have another baby because that is all I know how to do? (Meaning I would be a mother for my entire adult life.)

I don't think people need to have a lot of money, live in a big house or drive a nice car to be good parents or to want to have children. But I think it should be a requirement that they know themselves, love themselves and know what they want/expect/deserve from life before they decide to become parents. I think where things get really bogged up in the parent/child relationship is when the child is looking for an example and the parent has no idea how to be one.

The days are getting shorter. Bring on the crazy.

The shorter days and cooler weather brings the crazy out in people.
Not only have I received a slew of phone calls at the office from random drunk/crazy/just generally scary people, but I have also received a few slightly frightening and harassing emails via all of the usual social networking outlets.

Maybe the hot sun keeps the crazies sluggish and unmotivated in the summer?
Maybe since Halloween is in the air people think that gives the crazies license to act like fools?
I don't know what it is, but I am just trying hard to remain level headed. I find myself looking over my shoulder a little more than usual and I clutch my pepper spay for dear life whenever venturing out in public. Otherwise it is business as usual.

I think it is universal. Crazy goes in waves. When I am finding myself feeling like it is coming from all directions, loads of my friends are feeling it in their lives as well.

This morning, in the early hours when I was heading into work, a rather ominous fellow sauntered up to me. He first asked me for change. I told him I didn't have any change and tried to step around him.
He stepped to the side blocking my path again, I nearly walked right into him.
He was peering at my coffee cup as though he were implying that I must have change due to the fact that I just purchased coffee. I muttered something about having purchased it with a credit card and tried to step around him again. Again he stepped in my way.
This time he posed the question, "What is your name?"
I answered, "No thank you." Just as I was taught in my etiquette classes.
(The rule is: No matter what the question, when you are getting unwanted male attention just answer "No thank you" and walk away. It is funny the things that stick with us from when we are kids.)

He stopped me again and said, "No, I want to introduce myself to you, maybe get to know you better."
I'm positive the look on my face said it all. If it were translated into words it probably would have been something along the lines of, "You have got to be f-ing kidding me?"

*Guys, a general rule of thumb: Don't try to ask a girl out whom you just tried to panhandle from.

I saw two of my co-workers heading to the front door so I jogged over to them leaving Mr Weirdo in the dust.




Everything comes and goes
Pleasure moves on too early
And trouble leaves too slow
Just when you're thinking
You've finally got it made
Bad news comes knocking
At your garden gate
Knocking for you
-J.M.

My iTunes so totally has it in for me

It played Homeward Bound which always gets to me, but especially now when I am feeling all emotional and sad.
The songs following were:
Everything is Broken- Bob Dylan
and then
My Little Town S&G

I have 1874 songs on my iTunes.
Sometimes I swear this computer has it's own personality.

My iTunes has got it in for me.
I think I pissed it off when I downloaded Sexy Back.
Yeah you heard me.
I downloaded a JT song.
I will be handing in my cool creds shortly...

Well, are you?

Animals in need of our help

God, this just makes me sick.
I have pet Gerbils, Mice and Kitties at home and I could never imagine anyone wanting to hurt any of them. They are all such sweet and gentle animals. Info on how you can help is at the bottom of this re-post:

I just read this article from King5 and it's a horrible thing that happened to these animals.

$5,000 reward offered for info about pet store break-in

SEATTLE - A total of $5,000 in reward money is being offered in connection with a pet store break-in over the weekend.

The operators of the "Animal Talk" pet store and shelter say cats have been traumatized by burglars who ripped open cages, kicked the cats and stomped gerbils and mice to death.

Pasado’s Safe Haven is offering $2,500 and the Humane Society of the United States is also offering $2,500 for information about those responsible for the crime.

Early Saturday morning, thieves hacked through the front door of the store in the Roosevelt neighborhood. Volunteers arrived to find animals everywhere and dozens of dead animals on the floor.

The 44 cats that were let out of their cages fought each other and hunted the smaller animals.

“It was just devastating initially because to get to the cats and to get to the animals we were having to walk over little dead bodies,” said owner Missy Young.

Lots of help is pouring in, but much more is needed now that the full extent of the damage is becoming clearer.

A veterinarian who examined the cats on Sunday determined that seven had been brutalized.

"At least two of them had to have been drop-kicked. They have internal injuries, bruising, bleeding," said Young.

The shelter is now looking at thousands of dollars in vets bills and are in shock after realizing what the cats went through.

"What initially happened seemed like a spree, an immature and cruel act but this just goes into the realm of vicious. It's torture," said volunteer Susan Wilk.

An emerging pattern

A spokeswoman for the Humane Society of the United States said Saturday's crimes demonstrate that people who commit cruelty to animals often engage in other illegal activities.

"The suspect(s) in this case not only committed burglary but may face felony cruelty charges for intentionally killing and injuring animals," said Inga Gibson.

Gibson said studies have found that people who abuse animals are likely to escalate to violence against humans.

"The FBI has recognized the connection since the 1970's, when its analysis of the lives of serial killers suggested that most had killed or tortured animals as children," she said.

Gibson said research has also shown consistent patterns of animal cruelty among perpetrators of more common forms of violence, including child abuse, spouse abuse, and elder abuse.

"Residents should be concerned that such offenders are in their community and such crimes should be taken seriously," she said.

How you can help

Send donations to: Animal Talk Rescue C/O Animal Talk, 6514 Roosevelt Way NE, Seattle, WA 98115.

If you have information relating to this crime, or know of someone who may have one of the stolen animals in custody, contact the Seattle Animal Shelter at (206) 386-PETS(7387) or the Seattle Police Department non-emergency line at (206) 625-5011.

Yes yes yes how deliciously meaningless

I've decided that I have entered another phase in my life. In my mid-twenties, whenever I hit a rough patch, emotional crisis, or would get really steamed and worked up about some injustice in the world all of my friends who were five plus years older would tell me things like, "Just wait until you are my age. You will look at it differently."

I used to want to throw stuff at them in response. (Or just shake them silly.)
It was so frustrating to me that people who were only five years older than me would have the nerve to say something that sounded so condescending.
To add insult to injury, these were usually people who did not have children and who mostly lived their lives looking for the next party. This means I was already leaps ahead of them on the Things you are supposed to do when you are a grown up list.

Now I am beginning to think there was something to it.
Not that I have some grand secret knowledge that was bestowed upon me with my first white hair.
I don't think I know any more than I did five years ago, I think the secret is in knowing less.

Now that I am a little older, my once very sharp mind has been feeling a lot more like a plastic butter knife.

Someone traded my bowl for a strainer without telling me.

Everything has a fuzzy edge like an out of focus photo.

It makes everything prettier and less *meaningful.




Meaningless?
You mean it's all been meaningless?
Every whisper and caress?
Yes yes yes it was totally meaningless
Meaningless
like when two fireflies fluoresce
Just like everything I guess
it was utterly meaningless
Even less
a little glimpse of nothingness
sucking meaning from the
rest of this mess
Yes yes yes it was thoroughly meaningless
and if some dim bulb should say
we were in love in some way
kick all his teeth in for me
and if you feel like keeping on kicking
feel free
-M.F.



* I feel somehow obligated to mention that I am running on 3 hours of sleep right now & I have not eaten any type of junk food, chocolate or sweets in over a week. This results in a very fatalistic view of everything.

October is a month for music

I wrote a new song for a dear friend of mine. I wish I could help her with what she is going through, but I can't.
This is something she has to go through herself.




Here are the lyrics to the new song:

DON'T
------
You can kiss me
just don't talk to me.

I've got nothing left to give.

You can hold me,
just not control me.

I can't even control myself.

Don't contend with the man who has less to lose than you.
Don't pretend that you can be anything less than true.
Don't hold out hope when the nights are always cold.
Don't hang onto something that makes you feel so old.

Wanting is more than having,
it fills up the empty space.
When the other side of the bed
is a million miles away.

I care not for signs
when the symbols have all gone cold.

Don't hang onto something that makes you feel so old.

October Mix

The Soundtrack

1- I'll Follow You Into the Dark 3:11 Death Cab For Cutie Plans
2- We Both Go Down Together 3:04 The Decemberists
3- Its Gonna Be Alright 3:30 Pricilla Ahn
4- You Are What You Love 2:52 Jenny Lewis With The Watson Twins
5- Motel Blues 3:03 Big Star
6- If You Leave 4:57 Nada Surf
7- Pushover 2:37 The Long Winters
8- Don't Blow It 4:10 The Elected
9- Farming it out 1:25 Mary Lou Lord
10- Always See Your Face 3:21 Love
11- Hearts And Bones 5:38 Paul Simon
12- Fade Into You 4:55 Mazzy Star
13- Powder Keg 3:41 Pete Krebs
14- Guess It May 4:11 Rosie Thomas
15- Leave Me Be (Zombies Cover) 2:18 Posies
16- Fidelity 3:47 Regina Spektor
17- Lullaby 5:30 Pricilla Ahn
18- Oceans Cracked 2:52 Tubetop
19- Various Stages 4:11 Great Lake Swimmers
20- Overs (Live) 2:25 Simon & Garfunkel

I stole this from Post Secret

It is just too perfect.

A simple act of kindness...

CLICK HERE TO SEE HER LINK

My mom clipped this from the anchorage paper. How wonderful would if be if this sweet little girl were to get cards from all over the world? I am sending her one today. I hope some of you will join me and send her one as well! She is only 4 so a cool post card with a bright and fun photo of where you are from and 'GET WELL SOON' on the back would be enough!


"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion."
-The Dalai Lama

Beam me up!

HAPPY 37th BIRTHDAY JON!

MEOW!

I found these photos on a VERY impressive collection of favorites on flickr. CLICK HERE to see more cute kitty photos!

You make me feel like I am home again...

There are songs that are so bound to my emotional memories I can hear the first few notes of the bass line and I swear I am 16 again.
I get a sudden rush of emotions from that time in my life. Even the air starts to smell like it did in the fall of 1990.
This avalanche of emotions takes me over. The anxieties I was feeling at the time are as real during this three minute song as they were back then.
I remember that there was a boy and he was my whole world. I would have done anything for him. I remember his crooked smile, and the way he could make my heart hurt in a way only a first love can. I remember how he changed me. How he made me trust a little less, made me believe a little less, made me understand that there are no "happily ever afters" only "devils you know".
I allow myself to remember because I know that someday she might ask me about him and I have to try to remember as much as I can so I can tell her everything I know.

Then the song ends
and I am here again
and so happy that part of my life is behind me.

So here's the dill pickle...

Sometimes I wish I could erase people. I never used to wish that. I used to try to keep the whole happy go lucky attitude of: "I would not be where I am now if I had not know that person"

Yeah, whatever.

Sometimes I wish I could still be where I am now, but I had the power to erase someone from my memory bank entirely like on the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

In this day and age of technology and our great dependance upon it, I suppose to some degree we can erase someone. I deleted someone from my cell phone not too long ago and it was a liberating feeling. That doesn't mean they can't call me, but they no longer have a place in my address book. Of course the downside is, now if they do call me I won't know it is them and I might actually answer the phone! I didn't say it was a well thought out deletion, just a momentarily liberating one!

Those of us who use pages like Myspace and Friendster can delete friends (Oh if only it were that easy) I can't say I have ever deleted anyone out of anger from there. I feel like I am above it for some reason. (I know, the girl who is sitting here writing about how she wishes she could erase people is above deleting them. I've never promised I would make any sense.) But deleting someone when you are mad from one of those types of webpages feels so high school and passive aggressive to me. The phone is different, that is one step away from speaking to a real living breathing person. That connection seems more real to me.

Anyhow, I wish I could erase some of the people I used to know and with them the burden of knowing the things I know now because I knew them. Those things break my heart a little every day.

It's not meant to be cruel, just less painful.

On film I play myself.

Yesterday I was playing around with my camera. I have not really used the black and white option a lot and I wanted to experiment with it some more. I've always wanted to do an "Old Hollywood" style photo, so I figured it was a great time to give it a shot.

Some of them turned out pretty good given the fact that I was setting up the shots with a timer and I had ten seconds to get where I needed to be and pray that I was actually in the frame.


I can't explain just how much I love taking photos. I can't believe I have gone so many years without a camera! (My mom is the proud owner of my dream camera, but I will eventually save my pennies and own one too!) For now I am really impressed with the quality output of our little Fuji FinePix.

I still need people who will ham it up and let me do their styling and take their photo because I am getting kind of sick of my mug! (Did I mention I am quite the make up artist as well? I can copy pretty much anything.) Maybe I will entrap one of my girls into letting me photograph them soon? Fun fun.

In a house by the water in a town where nothing bad ever happens...

This is too cute and I can't stop listening to it.

This weekend Amie and I went to Langley for a little decompression and to visit her dad. We stayed in her families cabin on the water and participated in a Soup Box Race. It was quite idyllic, and super relaxing. I wasn't ready to come home! We had a great time.

Today I went to see the new movie The Last Kiss. This movie should come with a warning attached. I love it, but it made my heart physically hurt in a way that I have not felt since I saw The Squid and the Whale.

My big mouth...

From thestranger.com

Can you say no to this face?

First, I would like to thank whoever adopted Rainier who I posted about a few weeks back. The lady at the Petco said someone actually came in looking for him. Hooray! Thank you sweet angel whoever you are!
All week I have been having dreams about the orange kitty. I thought it was because I was worried that he was not going to get adopted. I promised myself I would bring my camera there this weekend and if he were still there I would take his photo and I would post it to try and help find him a home. When I got there, he was gone but Bo Socks (who looks a LOT like Ranier did) was in his place. I asked about Bo Socks and I was told he is a two year old Hurricane Katrina survivor. He is very friendly. He purrs a lot and loves to cuddle. He is SUPER mellow. If you have any interest in adopting Bo Socks you can find him today at:
PETCO
809 NE 45th St
Seattle, WA 98105
206-548-1400
NAME: Bo Socks
ID# 17326
Here are some more sweet photos of him:
















ADOPT BO SOCKS!!

Happiness is...

Spending the day with these two crazy kids.

To have a child is to forever accept that your heart will walk around outside of your body

I was talking to a coworker today who is about seven months pregnant. She was telling me about a dream she had last night that starred her new baby. In the dream he was older and they talked.
This seems pretty common, as many of my other friends with kids also experienced dreams where they were hanging out with their "future" kids around 6 or 7 months in.

When I was almost six months pregnant with Darian I had a very interesting dream. It was the day before my appointment for my first ultrasound. They said they would give me a due date and tell me the sex of the baby. At that point I had decided that if she was a girl I would name her Charlotte but I was convinced she would be a boy because I really didn't want a boy. (And up till then I didn't consider myself to be very lucky)

I was taking a nap in the middle of the day after a long morning of work. (I was working two jobs throughout my pregnancy trying to save enough money to pay rent when I took time off after she was born.) During this nap I had the most life changing dream I've ever had.
In this dream I was hanging out in a beautiful open field and a little girl with blonde curly hair came up to me and said hello.
I asked her who she was and she answered "I am your daughter."
I asked her, "Well if you are my daughter, what is your name?"
To which she answered, "My name is Darian."
I said, "But I was going to name you Charlotte if you were a girl." Then I asked, "When were you born?"
She answered, "My birthday will be October 18th."
I said, "Well right now your due date is October 2nd, so if you are born on the 18th I will name you Darian. Is it a deal?"
She said, "Yes it is! But I will be born on the 18th!"
I woke up from the dream and told my boyfriend at the time that if we did indeed have a girl and if she was born on the 18th I would name her Darian. He didn't really like the name but thought the odds of her being born that day were slim so he agreed to it. I circled the 18th on my calender and wrote "Darian" in the square.

I went in for my ultrasound the next morning where I learned that she was indeed a girl and they moved my due date from October 2nd to October 10th.

She was 8 days late and born on October 18th. That is how she got her name.

I like to tell her that she named herself before she was born.


The strangest part of being near the end of pregnancy was that I became acutely aware of the fact that there was an entirely separate consciousness living inside of my body.
You don't notice it so much in the first few months, but around six months on you really start to feel it physically and emotionally.
I believe that a huge part of postpartum depression has to do with mourning the loss of that connection. A person who may have felt a certain level of emptiness and loneliness before pregnancy will feel more complete while they are pregnant. They will get a lot of positive attention from the world around them due to their expanding belly and the "glow" they get from basically being two people in one.
After the baby is born, the new mother is not only physically exhausted, she is empty and separate from the life force that she grew accustomed to being a physical part of her. It is no longer the perfect being who doesn't cry or need or sleeps through the night. It is now someone who has their own personality and is completely dependant upon you for everything regardless of what is going on in your life.

I remember getting the worst flu I've ever had while Darian was barely a month old. Since I was a single mom and I chose not to ever bottle feed (why go against nature?) I could not just stop and rest and be sick. I had to make sure she was taken care of first and foremost.
I was set up on the couch with a fever and had her in a bouncing chair pulled up next to the couch. Around the clock, for days, I would reach out and rock the chair when she would fuss and I would nurse her when she cried and tried not to throw up while I was changing diapers.

She, of course, caught my flu from me and got really fussy from feeling as bad as I did. There was a point where I remember sitting on the couch holding her and we both cried together. That was the day it really sunk in that I was in it for the long haul and as exhausted and sick and tired as I was at that moment, I didn't care. The only thing that mattered to me was making her happy.

That day I made a commitment to her and to myself to do right by her and since that day I have spent my life trying my hardest to keep that promise.

And the Emmy goes to WTF?!?!

Last night I didn't fall asleep until well after 4AM. I tried everything I could think to get myself to go to sleep. I was shocked by my insomnia since I had worked so hard on the apartment that my whole body ached.
I started watching crappy 'Oh after dark' movies and writing trashy novels in my head. I decided that I was going to do it up right and write a book and call it "Journey to the other side of the bed" about a couple who have been together too long and lost touch with each other and themselves. A story of self-discovery and reinvention, and blah blah blah. I know, cliche, cliche, cliche, but at about 3:15 AM I thought it was brilliant! I still like the title, maybe I will write it into a poem.

So what is up with the Emmy winners last eve? The Amazing Race trumps Project Runway? Monk trumps Larry David?? 24 trumps Greys anatomy??? Anyone trumps the actors from Six Feet Under????!
Er, whaaaat?

I am convinced the Academy don't have basic cable. This is the only way I can explain this phenomenamenamenamena.

All I have to say is: "It's Hard Out There For A Pimp"


mwahahaahahahahaaaa.....

We the people...

Someone asked me today why I don't ever write about politics (especially after having been such a little activist when I was younger). I have thought a lot about this.

There are things going on in this world that I am very passionate about. I am a parent, it is my responsibility to care about what is happening to the world.
I do have my view points and I try to keep up on the news, but frankly I don't feel like I know enough to write about it with conviction. I mean, I could go over the general ideas of what I am for or against or who I am voting for and who I am not. But really there are SO many sides to every political issue and people get so emotional about these things I find it draining to debate with people.

Nothing will kill a party faster than two people on opposite sides of a political issue or a religious debate.

I love reading the news blogs written by people who have made their lives writing about politics, and watching the news, and really consuming everything that is put out there that I can get my hands on. But I hate debating something unless I feel like I have all of the information and with most things political I never feel like I have ALL of the information.

So there is my long winded answer.


Now lets talk about Gerbils... or not.

Goodies...

Someone was kind enough to convert the Jon Auer interview on KEXP with Sean Nelson into an MP3:
Download it here

Stick that in your iTunes and smoke it...

Love is blind...

Reality is harsh...


The mad doodler strikes again...

Stop the presses!

Jon is updating his website today. He has already posted about LA and is promising to post more. Check it out: www.jonauer.com

The Longest Line...

My head is stuffy today. So much so that I feel like my head is about three times bigger. I spent all day yesterday hopped up on Dayquil, I'm beginning to think today is going to be one of those days as well. Ugh.

Even though I was stuffy yesterday I still managed to have a fun afternoon. It started with an early morning run to the pet store to pick up stuff for all of my furry friends. Amie found my cart full of gerbil spoils amusing. What can I say?
I came this close to adopting a cat they had there. He was a total sweetheart and seeing him all alone in that cage just broke my heart. He is a big orange and white kitty with the prettiest eyes. When you walk by the cage he meows at you and purrs if you reach in to pet him. He has a great disposition. The pet store lady told me that he is a big sweetie, but so many people want kittens that they have been having trouble placing him. He is house trained and super friendly. She said he keeps getting colds because he has been stuck in that tiny cage for so long. Did I mention that it breaks my heart? If I didn't already have so many kitties I would have brought him home with me.
So if you live in Seattle and have been thinking at all about adding to your family, he is at the Petco in the Udistrict next door to the Mac Store. Check him out. He is a throwaway who is just looking to be loved. Everyone deserves to be loved. (The photo is not him. I just found a photo on line that looks a lot like him.)

Later in the day Jon did an interview and played a handful of songs on air at KEXP with Sean Nelson as host. Sean did a great Q & A with Jon between songs and Jon played some old Posies stuff that I have not seen him do live in quite a long time. It should be in the archive at http://www.kexp.org/streamarchive/streamarchive.asp just look up Saturday 8/19 at 6PM. It is by far one of the best on air interviews Jon has had in a while. Sean really knows his stuff. Do yourself a favor and check it out!

Now I am gonna go take some more Dayquil and pray that I can breathe again soon.

Best things I overheard this weekend:

1- A guy practicing his date of birth and middle name on his ID while waiting to get into the bar. (Let's be a little more obvious people!)

2- "Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left!"

Right back where we started from....

Another crazy dream night. This time I was shouting in my dream and I actually woke up shouting at Jon. I didn't remember it at first in the morning, but it started to come back to me in bits and pieces after I was awake and Jon sparked my memory of it. Guess I woke him up from a pretty sound sleep. Oops.

Now to finish my California recap.

I forgot to mention the first thing we did after retrieving our rental car was went looking for an In and Out burger. I have heard them mentioned so many times in magazines and random movies that I had to try one. I was amazed by the line in the middle of a Friday for a fast food joint. It was not even lunch time. I guess everyone else had the same idea I did? We gave up on the drive-thru and after waiting for quite a long time for parking we finally found a spot and went in. The presentation was great. I really liked how they wrapped the burger like they do at Red Robin and put them in cute little red boxes with your fries. We got the fries and went outside to eat. I'm used to the fast food places in Seattle being overrun with Pigeons and Sea Gulls, but I was pleasantly surprised that this place had several really cute chickadees hanging out with the people eating outside. Not a Pigeon in sight!
These birds were really funny because they would stand by your table with their mouths wide open like baby birds and flap their wings at you. I don't know if it was the sleep deprivation at play or the fact that I am just a big old nerd at heart, but I was just having the best time feeding these little birds. Eventually we were surrounded and they had eaten the majority of my fries.
Jon rolled his eyes and shook his head in the "Oh Michelle" kind of way that he does.
The birds were my favorite and the burgers were not so bad either. I preferred the Astro burgers we had the next day and there was not a line.

Spaceland was on interesting club. The walls were lined with blue and silver. It sort of reminded me of the high school gym when it was decorated for a formal dance. By the time we got there I had been up and running around and shopping and not sleeping for a long enough time to where I was starting to feel a tad punch drunk. I helped Jon load in, met the nice Oohlas folks and then went back to the car to call Darian and check in with her.

When I went back in I just parked myself by the merch booth and spent a long time eavesdropping and people watching. There were some VERY excited people there that night, it was looking like it was going to be a good audience.

I was digging the show. Jon played Baby Bitch as per my request, which made me very happy. Harvey Danger put on a full on rock show. Jon said they were "on Fire" indeed!
Some very nice person from the night before sent me drinks and the club gave me drink tickets since Jon didn't have a full band, so I probably got a little tipsier than I had intended by the end of the night. We had wrestled with the idea of driving out to a party in Laural Canyon, and had every intention of going, but by the time we got in the car and driving it was decided that it was time for me to go home. Too bad, because it sounds like they had a good time.

The next day was the Shatner Roast, which I already wrote about.

Ewok!

Look what I found while I was shopping on Melrose. I want one!


Only two apples high!

The perfect storm.

(I wrote this post in LA on Saturday morning following the Largo show)

I need COFFEE!

The downside to vacation for me is the waiting around for people to wake up. I don't really sleep for long stretches of time. I sleep in little 4-6 hour intervals and that is it. So I have been up for a few hours now trying to tiptoe around the beautiful home of our host and hostess without waking anyone up. Lucky me there is a computer!
(We didn't bring our laptop due to the stupid airline drama.)
Speaking of which... it took us less that 15 minutes to get through the lines and get all set. Jon has MVP cards. Seems if you have those you wait for no one. The scary part to this? The guys who did the whole 9/11 thing, they flew first class and would have been able to skate through just as fast and easily as we did. Nice.

LA is interesting and familiar. I think I have seen so much of it in movies that I almost know what is around every corner before we turn. It is pretty dirty, but what are you gonna do? Everyone told me it would be. I might wear my glasses today because my eyes are not having it. It is so smoggy I feel like I have been smoking cigarettes or something. How every child in this city doesn't have Asthma is beyond me.

Largo is a really cool club. I love the sound and the feel of the place. Everyone who played did a fantastic job. I wish I could list off the names of the people who played before Jon, but I don't know right now (I am so bad with names) I will have to make that list later. But there were a couple of girls who sang who I will definitely be looking up their stuff when I get home.

The Largo show is now one of my top 3 all time favorite shows, just after Elliott Smith at The Crocodile and just before Lou Barlow in Bellingham. It was by far a perfect night.

Jon played a great set, one of his best. He told stories and sang beautifully. He even play Beyond Belief which I have not heard him do in quite a while. The crowd was responsive and stayed quiet through it all. It was like they were waiting to breath until after the song was over.

Harvey Danger did a slightly quieter/stripped down version of their set. They did Jack The Lion which made me get all misty eyed (always does) and a version of Pike Street/ Park Slope that got to everyone else in the place. Everyone was Emoting on 12. :-) I think I actually like them better without the cello on some of those softer numbers. There is so much talent there, I think it is good that they strip it down and showcase it in that way from time to time.

I met someone from myspace who shares a name with me in the line to the ladies room, right after that I met a girl who reads my Blog in the bathroom line! (It was a very busy bathroom line) She has never commented but she says she reads it. So if you ladies are reading this, HELLO!

Largo doesn't allow photos so I didn't take any of the show, but I did take a few pre-show.

I am super hungry and I want coffee but I don't know where I could go to get it from here. The only thing outside is a studio lot. It would take me 20 minutes to walk anywhere and I really don't have the foggiest clue as to where I actually am right now.

I'm really looking forward to tonight's show especially after how great last night's show was.

Oh, and I wish someone could turn off the crickets around here. I thought my ears were buzzing last eve, turns out it was the crickets!

Did I mention that I need COFFEE?!?!

So far, New York wins.

Canters

We had dinner here before Largo. They made great sandwiches and had a really cool ceiling!