Thursday, September 21, 2006

So here's the dill pickle...

Sometimes I wish I could erase people. I never used to wish that. I used to try to keep the whole happy go lucky attitude of: "I would not be where I am now if I had not know that person"

Yeah, whatever.

Sometimes I wish I could still be where I am now, but I had the power to erase someone from my memory bank entirely like on the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

In this day and age of technology and our great dependance upon it, I suppose to some degree we can erase someone. I deleted someone from my cell phone not too long ago and it was a liberating feeling. That doesn't mean they can't call me, but they no longer have a place in my address book. Of course the downside is, now if they do call me I won't know it is them and I might actually answer the phone! I didn't say it was a well thought out deletion, just a momentarily liberating one!

Those of us who use pages like Myspace and Friendster can delete friends (Oh if only it were that easy) I can't say I have ever deleted anyone out of anger from there. I feel like I am above it for some reason. (I know, the girl who is sitting here writing about how she wishes she could erase people is above deleting them. I've never promised I would make any sense.) But deleting someone when you are mad from one of those types of webpages feels so high school and passive aggressive to me. The phone is different, that is one step away from speaking to a real living breathing person. That connection seems more real to me.

Anyhow, I wish I could erase some of the people I used to know and with them the burden of knowing the things I know now because I knew them. Those things break my heart a little every day.

It's not meant to be cruel, just less painful.



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