Sunday, October 08, 2006

Yes yes yes how deliciously meaningless

I've decided that I have entered another phase in my life. In my mid-twenties, whenever I hit a rough patch, emotional crisis, or would get really steamed and worked up about some injustice in the world all of my friends who were five plus years older would tell me things like, "Just wait until you are my age. You will look at it differently."

I used to want to throw stuff at them in response. (Or just shake them silly.)
It was so frustrating to me that people who were only five years older than me would have the nerve to say something that sounded so condescending.
To add insult to injury, these were usually people who did not have children and who mostly lived their lives looking for the next party. This means I was already leaps ahead of them on the Things you are supposed to do when you are a grown up list.

Now I am beginning to think there was something to it.
Not that I have some grand secret knowledge that was bestowed upon me with my first white hair.
I don't think I know any more than I did five years ago, I think the secret is in knowing less.

Now that I am a little older, my once very sharp mind has been feeling a lot more like a plastic butter knife.

Someone traded my bowl for a strainer without telling me.

Everything has a fuzzy edge like an out of focus photo.

It makes everything prettier and less *meaningful.

You mean it's all been meaningless?
Every whisper and caress?
Yes yes yes it was totally meaningless
like when two fireflies fluoresce
Just like everything I guess
it was utterly meaningless
Even less
a little glimpse of nothingness
sucking meaning from the
rest of this mess
Yes yes yes it was thoroughly meaningless
and if some dim bulb should say
we were in love in some way
kick all his teeth in for me
and if you feel like keeping on kicking
feel free

* I feel somehow obligated to mention that I am running on 3 hours of sleep right now & I have not eaten any type of junk food, chocolate or sweets in over a week. This results in a very fatalistic view of everything.



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