Time to Bid!!!!

Remember that auction I mentioned a few weeks ago? It is time to start bidding!

CLICK HERE TO BID!! :


The Posies Cover the Song of Your Choice
Actually, Ken Stringfellow and Jon Auer will each cover the same song— Two covers for the price of one! The winner will also receive a copy of their split EP Private Sides. Priceless!

(The auction says it has to be picked up, but that is just a catch all we are writing on everything. The MP3s and CD can easily be sent to you!)

More at:
www.thestranger.com/strangercrombie

If only life were as easy as pie.

If there were a movie that I could most closely relate to when thinking about the time of my life when Darian was first born, it would be the movie; Waitress. Darian and I both LOVED this movie!
I mean, I didn't have an affair with my doctor. I was working in a crappy sandwich shop, not a pie shop while I was pregnant. And I realized how in love with my baby I was a bit sooner than she did in the movie. But, the story still fit like an abstract poem telling the story trying to hide the identities of the real characters it was based upon. I don't think I have ever related to a movie more than I did to this one. I give it my highest recommendation!
It is so heartbreaking that the writer/director/actress, Adrienne Shelly was brutally murdered just before Waitress came out. She was a truly inspiring artist and created something really wonderful. I would have loved to see more from her.

More Bread Baking

Since yesterday's Banana bread was such a success we decided to make Zucchini bread today. This recipe made 3 loaves. You could easily add nuts or chocolate chips, they would both be good additions.

ZUCCHINI BREAD
2 c. sugar
1 c. oil
3 eggs
3 c. flour
1/4 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1.5 tsp. cinnamon (add to taste)
2.5 c. grated fresh zucchini (About 3 average sized zucchinis)
zest of 1 Lemon
1 tsp lemon juice
2 tsp. vanilla

Mix ingredients together - in order! Bake at 350 degrees, 50-55 minutes.

Snow, Snow, Snow!!!!!

Today is our very first snow day! Bree, Darian and I were at Smith trying out their new Brunch menu for the very first time (I will get to that in a minute) when the snow started to fall. At first it was a surprising light sprinkle, but by the time we payed the bill, it was a full on blizzard! (OK, I might be exaggerating a tad, but it was coming down pretty fast, and sticking!)

We had plans today, but having dealt with Seattle drivers on snow days we cancelled them right away and decided to do "at home" stuff today.

As for brunch at Smith; the place was empty, it took forever to get our food, the menu choices were strange and there were no basic breakfast option (ie. Eggs, toast, pancakes) Just a lot of weird stuff wrapped in stuff. The closest was steak and eggs, making it not too kid friendly.
When I got my food, after waiting for almost 30 minutes, it was ice cold.
But, the waiter was super nice! He was everything you would want in a waiter, polite, funny, attentive.
So yes, if they improve the menu I will be back just on the good the customer service, but for now, we will probably stick to 22 Doors (Which have been hit and miss as well) or else Coastal Kitchen (Who always have a loooong wait on the weekends.)

Since it was snowing and I had some over ripe bananas on hand I decided to make this easy banana bread!
The only thing I changed in the recipe was that I added about a tsp of cinnamon and a 1/2 teaspoon of baking powder to lighten it up. It worked like a charm!
It has a very light smooth taste to it. I personally prefer my breads with a smooth texture but this recipe would lend well to add ins. I bet dried fruits like cherries or cranberries, nuts or even chocolate chips would be good in this one!
The other thing I liked is that I didn't have to go to the store. This is all pretty common stuff to have on hand and it takes very little effort to make. So, the next time you have three bananas that have gone past their prime on hand, I suggest you make this bread instead of throwing them away.
As an added bonus, it fills the house with the amazing scent of baked banana bread. It smells like Christmas!

EASY BANANA BREAD

3 bananas, well mashed
1 c. sugar
2 eggs, beaten
1/2 c. vegetable oil
2 c. flour (1 c. can be whole wheat)
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mash bananas in mixing bowl. Add sugar, eggs and oil, mixing well each time. Sift dry ingredients together and add to banana mixture. Pour in greased 5x9 loaf pan and bake 55-60 minutes.

SEATTLE: Give something up and give something back!

Do something good.
The other night, when my daughter and I were at The QFC I noticed that they have the pre-packed holiday donation bags out on the shelves again.
I grabbed a $10 bag and threw it on my cart without a second thought.

Darian looked at me and asked, "What is that, Mom?"
"Oh, well, these bags have food in them and when we buy a bag it gets donated to a homeless shelter or a food bank." I explained
"What does it have in it?" she asked
"Well, probably canned goods and non-perishable items. You know, stuff that can last without being refrigerated, but is still nutritious."
"Wow, that is really cool, Mom. I hope everyone does this! It seems so easy!"
"I'm sure everyone does, they have $5 and $10 bags, people spend that on coffee in a day!"

Then we got to the checkout and we purchased our groceries and our bag and Darian grabbed the bag excited to turn in our donation.
The checker pointed at the large barrels at the front of the store and she skipped over to it to put the bag in. When she got to the barrel she stopped and looked at me with a look of confusion.
"Mom, it is empty." she said flatly
I walked over to her and looked in the barrel. She was right, there were two bags in there and one of them was the one we just donated. While, on the other hand, the store is bustling with people and we are at a store that is on the edge of one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in Seattle.
I asked if they had just been emptied. The checker said, "No."

As we were walking home, Darian and I got to talking about why I donate. I explained to her that when she was just a brand new baby I didn't have a lot. And when I moved to Seattle to go to school, she and I were really on our own in the new city and sometimes we really had to rely on the kindness of friends and strangers. I'm lucky, because I have a family that will always be there for me if I need them, I just try not to lean on them unless absolutely necessary. So, when I was on my own in a new city with a small child and not a relative in sight, it meant that I had to turn to outside assistance a few times in those first years. And because of those organizations, I was able to find safe daycare and go to school and make the very good life that I have now.

Darian then asked me why people didn't just give up their Lattes or cigarettes for one day and buy a bag of food. If everyone did that, they would fly through those bags.
And you know what? She is right!

Why don't we give up some $5-10 daily comfort habit for one day and use that money to purchase one of these bags?

See, when I was originally purchasing the bag, I just threw it into my cart without saying anything and had my inquisitive daughter not asked me about it, I might have purchased it and never thought about it again. I'm glad she asked questions, because it opened a dialogue and made her feel like she was a part of the giving process.
If you give something up, that you are used to having, for that one day you will be reminded of why you are giving it up and it will give you an opportunity to reflect on your life and community and how blessed you are to have the option of having comfort items in your life. For some people, good food is a comfort item!

Also, I asked the store manager, and he told me that when you buy one of these bags, that donation stays in your neighborhood! It goes to the closest food bank or mission to that store! So, you will be giving directly to your neighbors! That has to make you feel good!

So, between now and Dec 31st, I challenge you:
Give something up and give something back!

Here is the blurb about the program that is on the http://www.foodlifeline.org website (The people in charge of this)
Nov. 1, 2007 -Dec. 31, 2007

Share Your Feast this Holiday Season
Share Your Feast at your local QFC store beginning November 1! Keep your eye out for the pre-packed $5 and $10 bags of groceries to purchase and donate to Food Lifeline. Food Lifeline volunteer groups have been working hard at our Shoreline Repack Center packing bags for this annual holiday drive held by QFC. If you prefer, you can shop for specially marked items throughout the store or simply make a donation at the register when you check out.

Full Sail Brewery and Kendall-Jackson Wines are again partnering with QFC, so be sure to look for Share Your Feast items when you're buying your holiday beverages. Food Lifeline will receive $1 from each case of beer sold and $2 from every case of wine sold.

It's not about the cookies...

This beautiful article by Megan Seling is something that I was thankful for over this past holiday weekend. This is one of my favorite features in all of the years I've been reading The Stranger. It is honest and well written.
I actually cried a little when I read it.

Thank you, Megan.

And to everybody else:
If you have not read it yet, you really should!

Have you ever wanted The Posies to cover a particular song?

HERE IS YOUR CHANCE!

The paper that I work for does an auction every year where local folks
donate goods and services and all of the money raised goes to help homeless people in our community. We raised over $40,000 last year! It is something that I am really proud to be a part of, because it does such a cool thing. We have been getting really great donations this year. I'm very excited about the auction!

Here is where The Posies come in.
Jon and Ken are donating a cover song of the winning bidders choice to the auction this year.
There is a twist!
Each of them will do their own version of the song, so in the end you get two songs for the price of one and a one-of-a-kind opportunity to see how Jon and Ken would each cover the same song!
(This is for your own personal use only, of course.)

The 2007 Strangercrombie Holiday Gift Guide appears in the December 6 issue of The Stranger, but you can get a jump on the bidding by going to The Stranger website on Wednesday, December 5. All auctions end at 5:00 p.m. on December 14.

Since it is on Ebay, it would be super easy for everyone to participate,
even you folks that don't live in Seattle, and since the US$ is crap right
now, folks with Euros have a major advantage in any bidding war!

Start saving your pennies and coming up with cover song ideas!

Two very special cats in need of a home.

How can you say no to these faces?
I'm especially fond of Morgan. She has the face of my first kitty.
It has been hard not adopting them myself! If you were thinking of getting a new kitty family member for the holidays, please consider one of these sweethearts!
I would love to hear they found a good home. I've visited them both several times in the store and they are full of love and purrs for anyone who is willing to give them pets.

Check them out:
This is Morgan, she is declawed. Isn't she just beautiful? Look at those eyes!


I'm ready for adoption! PLEASE, Give me a home!

I'm at PETCO

809 NE 45th ST

Seattle, WA 98105

206-548-1400

This is Whitney. Whitney rubs on the cage when people walk by in hopes to get pet. What a doll face!



I'm ready for adoption! PLEASE, Give me a home!

I'm at PETCO

809 NE 45th ST

Seattle, WA 98105

206-548-1400

Get to 2:43 and watch from there...

It is totally worth it!


My hubby! At 6:23 it swings over to him so you get a better look!

Swoon.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

This is a photo from Darian's 10th birthday. I LOVE it! The party had a witches theme. I even made a witch Barbie cake!

Tonight we are having friends over and going Trick-or-Treating. This may be the last year we do it, so I am gonna enjoy it just that much more!!

In the spirit of Halloween and the masks that we wear, I made a new video using the song, Bottom of the Bottle.
I know the song is about drinking, but I always heard it to be more about a person who just got lost. I used the whole process of putting on make-up as the backdrop for this song because putting on that pretty mask, even if things are messed up, conveys that same idea of sadness/being lost to me. Wouldn't it be interesting if we always looked how we felt? I waited until it was the morning after I went out so I could look a little run down in the video. I wore all gray and kept the mirror kind of dirty to give it a certain hopeless feeling as well. It was an interesting experiment and I like how the final version turned out. It is all one shot, which is something I have never done before, so at the very least it was great practice.

Here it is:

Happy (almost) Halloween

Since it was the Saturday before Halloween, the city was out celebrating and so were we! I dressed as a Kissing Booth! I had breath mint earrings, a necklace made up of blingged out breath spray, a giant pair of fake lips (lip protectors), my sign had little battery powered lights so it lit up, and in my booth I had a little goody bag that carried several flavors of kisses and breath mints! The costume was especially nice because I basically made it with stuff I already had around the house. Great last minute costume idea in a pinch.


My friend Bree was my date for the evening. She dressed as Britney Spears from the VMA's. Her costume cracked me up! When we were walking down the street people said, "We love you Britney!"

It was SPOT ON! She was especially a hit at our favorite gay bar!
We went to a party at Amie and Jonathan's where they had decorated with these little fake eyes that turned out to be a prop in several photos.

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend and that you all have a very Happy Halloween!

Pretty red iPod update & a few shorts...

I have not purchased anything new in a while because I have been having so much fun with all of the great music blogs out there. Right now THIS BLOG is my favorite. So far I've liked 90% of everything I've seen on there which is a pretty high percent.

Hope everyone is enjoying the Fall! We've been super busy. I've been kind of wishing there were more hours in the day just to get everything accomplished!

I took a mini vacation last week which was especially nice and relaxing. I needed/deserved it. I've been such a busy bee.

Darian had an amazing birthday, as always. She got everything on her wish list and then some. She said the sweetest thing. She told me, "Mom, my life is so good and I have so much, I feel like I would be selfish to ask for anything more."
She is the best!

Speaking of the best, isn't my niece the cutest dressed as a Tootsie Roll? Too adorable!

Thirteen

Happy 13th birthday to the great love of my life!





I'm so lucky to be your mommy.

Do your part. Get tested. Get educated. Use condoms.

Seattle just had it's yearly AIDS awareness walk on September 29th. Whenever it comes around, it reminds me of the people I've known and lost to the disease.

The first time AIDS touched my life was when I was 19 years old. My friend, J., found out he was HIV positive right around the same time I found out I was pregnant. He was a fun guy to be around. He was always bouncy, super funny, full of adventure, and gorgeous.
Since he was the first person I had ever known with HIV, I asked him a lot of questions. He brought me tons of literature on the disease and how you can and can not contract it. He also shared with me the story of how he got it.
He told me that he came out to his parents when he was 13 years old. His parents were very conservative and would not accept a gay son. They threw him out. He ended up living on the streets of San Francisco in the late 80's/early 90's. He was not old enough to get work anywhere, so he started hustling for money to make ends meet. He did this for a few years until he met a man who let him live with him for awhile. Eventually he was old enough to make it on his own with a legitimate job. He moved to Seattle and tried to put that life behind him.
He found out he was HIV positive in his early 20's. He knew when he went in to get tested there was a pretty good chance he would be positive given what he had been through up to that point. The news hit him hard. A mutual friend of ours told me that he just looked in the mirror for hours saying, "You have AIDS" over and over again.

It was so strange hanging out with him, knowing that he had a disease that was going to eventually kill him, mostly because he didn't look or seem sick at all. I stayed hopeful that they would find a cure before the disease took over.
As my pregnancy progressed and my stomach grew, his symptoms got worse and worse. He started getting spots on his scalp, his gums were a mess, and he ended up getting Hepatitis. He was getting very sick very fast.

I asked him if there was anything I could do. He said the best thing that anyone could do was get tested, even if you are not in a high risk group. He said if everyone who ever had sex got tested, we could significantly reduce the spread of the disease. He also asked that I tell as many people as I could about how you can and can not contract the disease. At the time, people in Seattle were well educated, but my relatives in middle America and Alaska were still pretty in the dark about the whole thing.
So, I started making a point of bringing up what I knew about HIV whenever I had the opportunity. I got a really unexpected reaction from some people. There were people who told me that I was putting my unborn child at risk by hanging out with a person with AIDS.
This is so untrue.
No matter how I tried to explain to them that this is not possible, the more they told me that I was being a bad mother by allowing this person to be a part of my life. Some went as far as to try to tell me that they would not be surprised if my child was born with AIDS because of my friendship with a person who had the disease. I'd never been faced with such a fearful and ignorant reaction before. I hardly knew how to respond to it.

Eventually, when my friend got to a point where he was very very sick, the disease was spiraling fast and taking it's toll, he talked to his mother and she finally told him it was OK for him to come home. He knew that he was probably going to die soon, so he had a small party and told us all goodbye. He said that he wanted us all to remember him as being young and healthy. He thought it would somehow be easier if he knew that we would always remember him how he was, to go through what was coming up.
After that day, I never saw or heard from him again.

Over the last 13 years, I've kept my promise. I've advocated testing for everyone, no matter what. I've tried to educate people about what I know and I'm really impressed with how much people do know now compared to what they knew back then.
There is still a lot of ignorance out there about the disease. There are still people who think it is just a "Gay disease". There are still people who think you can get it just from being around people with it, but one of the most astounding things I've seen are the people who refuse to be tested. I've actually met people who are sexually active and I ask them if they have ever been tested, and they tell me no. I ask them why not. The most common answer?
"Well, my last partner was tested and they were negative, so that means I am negative."

PEOPLE! Come on!!
If you are sexually active, it is your DUTY to be tested.
If you change partners often, it is your duty to be tested at least once a year if not every six months, whether you are straight or gay, male or female. Period.

There is not a cure for AIDS, so the only thing that we can do to prevent the spread of AIDS is to arm ourselves with knowledge. If every person who is sexually active was tested regularly we could greatly reduce the spread of the disease.

Do your part. Get tested. Get educated. Use condoms.


For some, having HIV/AIDS is like being alone in the dark.

For some, not having an UNDERSTANDING of HIV/AIDS
and its prevention KEEPS them in the dark.

We all have the opportunity to move into the light of
AWARENESS

Two things...

First, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRANDON!! And HAPPY BIRTHDAY WARREN!!!
Today is my big brother's & my Step-father's birthday.
So happy day to the both of you!

second:
I made a little animated video this weekend for another one of Jon's songs. Here it is:


Enjoy!

xoxo

You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

Last night Jon played the song Blackbird for me after hearing how touched I was when he played it at the radio8ball show. I managed to get a bit on video before some woman walked in the way of the camera. It is just beautiful. I almost teared up again:



And then I found these gems on my camera.

Tha Flaming Lips:


The Ditty Bops:


and more Sean Nelson from last night's show:

And so I'm writing with the hope that someone's reading...

For Jon's birthday we got Jon (and the whole family, really) This awesome little instrument. It is something we have been wanting for a while and decided to just do it. Next week Darian will start taking piano lessons. The cool thing about this is that she can practice using headphones so as to not disturb the neighborhood. It has a beautiful sound and weighted keys. We all love it.

Then at last eve's show our friend, Sean Nelson, played a Posies song in honor of Jon's birthday. It was very sweet. Jon even jumped up on stage in the end. What a sweet gesture. I'm so happy I got it on video!

And then we met with Jon's family for a birthday brunch this morning. They surprised me with a gift card for my birthday that just passed. After brunch we went over to the book store and I picked up two autographed copies of books that I have been wanting for some time now:

and

I'm really excited to read them. Alan Alda is in my top 5 list of people I would love to meet someday.

Now, I'm off to sticking my nose in a book. I hope you all had a wonderful and fulfilling weekend!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JON!

Loves.

Advertising that is doing a good thing.

While I was watching TV this weekend an ad caught my eye. It was an ad for an anti-cyberbullying campaign. This is something that I never had to deal with as a teen because we were not online when I was in High School. My very first time on the internet was after I was already a mother.
I have a child who is growing up right in the middle of this generation where people can hide behind the internet and texting. It gives a very loud voice to passive aggression making bullying in schools easier and more accessible. Information & gossip travels faster than ever before. It is also harder for teachers or parents to catch it.

I think these ads are smart and well done.
Here are two of the campaigns they have going right now:

Soupa!

What did we do with the fresh veggies that we picked today?
I made Apple Beet Soup! It is SOOOO good! I am enjoying it as I write this blog. It has a very sweet, earthy flavor and it was super easy to make!

6 beets peeled & cut
1 onion
1 garlic clove
4 cups of unsweetened apple juice
juice of two small lemons (Add at the end just before blending)
S&P to taste

Top with sour cream

Put everything in a pot and simmer for about 25 minutes.

When veggies are soft, blend with a hand blender till smooth. (This is how it looks just before you blend it)

After it is blended pour into bowl and add sour cream.

Enjoy!

It would be perfect to serve at a Halloween dinner due to it's pretty red color!

It was THAT easy, and the whole family loves it!

Flaming Lips- Awesome -Fall City Farm

We have been moving full speed ahead since Thursday evening. We've had Jon in town on the weekend without any studio time booked for the first time in ages, so we took full advantage of it.
Starting with Thursday, the whole family went to Darian's open house, met all of her teachers and then we ran downtown for The Flaming Lips show!! It was pretty incredible. I made a little video, but have not had a chance to upload it yet. Jon knows them from being on a lot of the same festival circuits and what not over the years, so we got free passes and after show passes. Darian really enjoyed the experience and I think they have a new fan now!


Friday eve we went and met a group of old friends for dinner. It was nice being around the old Alaskan crew. One if them I had not seen since Darian was a little baby. We laughed a lot.

Then Saturday eve we went to The Seattle Children's Theatre to see a show put on by a band called "Awesome" with special guest narrator, Sean Nelson. Jon has been working with them and they have a record release next week (On Jon's birthday!) at Chop Suey. The show was kind of a musical/comedy that they put together. It was intelligent and hilarious. We all really enjoyed it a lot, especially the kiddo. I would tell you to check it out, but it was the closing night. I hope they do it again, because it was really cool!

Today (Sunday) we went out to Fall City Farms to pick our own veggies. It was really fun getting out of the city and getting a chance to really get our hands in the earth. We picked Carrots, broccoli, beets, potatoes, and even a little Kale for our Hamsters and gerbils! We also bought some fresh cider and tomatoes and corn. We ended up with four bags of the freshest veggies and our grand total was under $30!! It is only 20 minutes out of town as well. We will be going back for pumpkins! (They start letting you pick pumpkins next Saturday!) They also had several cute and cuddly animals that we got to feed and pet. I took a ton of photos, so I think I will let them tell the story:



















Back to the city we go....

SOOOOO CUTE!!!

cat nap

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Big Star on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno!

Someone was kind enough to post a video of when my hubby played on The Tonight Show with Big Star. He is all the way on the left of the stage. How fun!

I Saw U: Conversation of the week

More great I saw U's this week!

Where did you go?

I used to see the semblance of you, your curve, your smile, your eyes... constantly. Now, it's fleeting. I'll see a a smile. Sometimes a glance that belongs to you, but given from someone else. It's never the whole person. Where are you? My search continues, and I grow weary.

When: Saturday, September 15, 2007

Where: always

I saw a: Woman

I am a: Man

-----------------

Re: Where did you go?

I've seen you around. Your smirk, your glasses, your careless shrug. I even saw your jeans on someone else's ass today (they didn't look as good on him). I feel like I'm collecting pieces of you.
Maybe once I get all of them, you'll come back?

When: Sunday, September 16, 2007

Where: Everywhere

I saw a: Man

I am a: Woman

New moons & positive energy...

The first couple of weeks of school has passed. So far Darian has 100% in all of her classes. She has her first guitar test today. I had her run her scales this morning before she left. Fingers crossed! I'm sure she will do well, send positive vibes!
Speaking of positive vibes...
Last eve was the Radio8Ball show. It was the best one I've seen yet. Ah, our friend, synchronicity... (To borrow a phrase from the host, Andras) It really seemed like all of the stars had aligned or something because all of the answers made complete sense. Sometimes it seems a bit of a stretch, but last eve there were a few moments that took my breath away. Hearing Jon cover Blackbird was one of them. I almost cried, so did several other people. Something about how he delivered that song, seemed appropriate. I know a few people going through some pretty hard stuff right now and it made me think of them. Some of them are close and some are very far away. I just hope they all find the peace and well being they are looking for. Sometimes you have to remember that life gets hardest just before it gets better. When I look back, some of the worst times in my life were followed by some of the most life altering "Ah hah!" moments (To borrow a phrase from Oprah) when things get really hard, I like to think it is Life's way of telling us, "Get back on track!" So all of my friends who are going through hard times, I am thinking nothing but positive thoughts for you and praying for you that it will get better soon.
And in the the world of more do-goodery:
Tonight is The Genius Awards! Got to go get my hair cut at lunch today as this is a dress up event. It is at the fancy new Downtown Library. It is such a cool thing the paper does. They give money to local artists to spend on whatever they need to spend it on. It is completely NSA money. Some use it to fund projects, some use it for much needed health insurance, some use it to pay bills... you get the idea. I'm so glad to be a part of it. It is a really cool thing.

A VERY Happy Friday to you all!

On this anniversary of the day that everything changed.

I was on the bus, on my way to work. It was one of those quiet mornings, the bus was packed, but there was not a sound until someone with a walkman on gasped loudly and said, "Oh no! Oh my god!"
Of course everyone turned their heads to see what the commotion was. He addressed us all like he was suddenly our friend breaking bad news. "A plane just flew into the World trade Center in New York! They are thinking it may have been hijacked!"

I didn't really understand what I just heard. At this point I had never even been to New York, so for me it was kind of a distant land that I had only seen in movies. I knew it was bad, I just didn't quite understand how bad.

I walked into the office where I worked. At the time I was working for a very large corporation who had offices in New York and Seattle. Usually, at this time of the morning, our offices were bustling, but it was dead quiet. I finally called the receptionist and asked where everyone was. She told me to go to the conference room.
I walked in and noticed that almost every one of my coworkers were huddled around the big screen we usually used for presenting new lines (It was a fashion company) It was tuned into CNN. I saw the first tower on screen with smoke billowing out of it and it started to become crystal clear just how big this really was. Then I saw the next plane crash into the second tower. People screamed, "NO!" even the reporter looked shaken. We sat there for what seemed like a really long time and just watched the screen. They repeated it over and over again. Crash, crash, crash....
It was a movie that I wanted to leave, a dream I wanted to wake up from. All I wanted was to go get my daughter and go home and lock the doors and never think about what I just saw ever again.

Then they fell.

I can't even tell you what I was thinking, because I think I just stopped feeling. I went numb. I could not believe it was happening. Nothing I have ever experienced in my lifetime had prepared me for this.

The rest of the day the managers had rolled televisions into all of our conference rooms. We all took shifts sitting in front of the televisions watching the news. Listening to the news tell us of "Possible targets in Seattle" watching those horrific moments on repeat so many times that I will never have to see them again and the picture is so burned in my minds eye I could recreate every billow of smoke, every dot flinging itself off of the building. It is something I can't forget.

The days that followed were just as surreal. People were different. We were all afraid. Suddenly flags went up all over town. Everyone knew someone who was in New York, had just flown the day before, had a friend or family member who was effected or even worse, who had died.

Then there were the recordings of the last calls. The news playing the voices of the dead on a loop.

On 9/10 I had decided to end the relationship I was in. We had talked, we had pretty much ended our engagement. He was going to move out November 1st. On September 12th, we were moving up our wedding date to March. Suddenly, life was short and we were in a huge hurry.
9/11 only put off the inevitable. We eventually got past our fear and came to our senses. We were very good friends, but we were not in love. He moved out that February, after everything started calming down again, after nothing blew up on New Years Eve, after we started to feel our false sense of security again.

Honestly, this day comes, and I try not to think about it. This day comes and I try to pretend it never happened. Not because I don't respect the dead or the loss, but because I don't want that fear to take hold again. That fear is what gives the people who did this to us the control. It is exactly what they want. It is what makes them win.

The more time that passes, the more my memory of that morning fades, the more I can remember the dead and that day but not feel that fear. Someday 9/11 will be a day, for those of us lucky enough to live on to very old age, that our Great Grandchildren will ask us about for class projects and out of curiosity after they hear about it in history class.

They will ask, "Grandma, do you remember what you were doing on September 11th?"