Monday, August 06, 2007

Just be. Every tomorrow is a new chance to start over.

"Bright light, dark shadow. Sometimes you just can't get past it." This line is a quote from a very sweet blog written today by a very talented
MS/LJ-friend of mine, PKM. It really touched me, and got me thinking so I felt I had to re-post the line and elaborate on how it made me feel.

This line touched me because I have known many people throughout the years, friends and distant relatives, that the sentiment describes perfectly. People who really do have these great big hearts that are so full of potential and magical minds who seem to be so bound by anger, fear and pain that they always seem to have a dark shadow of paranoia looming over their path.

It is as if they are always swinging wildly in the dark with their eyes closed tight trying to take down anyone who gets close to them or tries to reach out to help them.
It makes me sad, because I think living your life, walking around with so much anger and hate all of the time must be incredibly hard. (Not only is this a mental illness, but I also really believe that living like that is connected to illness such as Cancer. Not the only cause by any means, but how can it not be? Hatred in it's own right is a Cancer.)

I really do feel for anyone who goes through it and lives like that every day. It is the exact reason I want to go to school to become a therapist or a nurse someday. Maybe get the opportunity to help people like the ones I have lost to mental illness over the years, before they are beyond help?
I wish there was something that I could do to help them now, but at the end of the day, they can only truly help themselves.

A person so hell bent on hurting themselves can't be cured by all of the love in the world, they would not know what to do with it. They need to want to help themselves first. I had to learn that the hard way several times in my life before it stuck.

The first step to any recovery process is learning to really love/believe in yourself, the rest will follow.

PS- thanks so much PKM for the inspiration!

"I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

I know I would apologize if I could see your eyes
cause when you showed me myself I became someone else
But I was caught in between all you wish for and all you need
I picture you fast asleep
A nightmare comes
You cant keep awake

cause if I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find
If I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find

I dont know anymore
What its for
Im not even sure
If there is anyone who is in the sun
Will you help me to understand
cause I been caught in between all I wish for and all I need
Maybe youre not even sure what its for
Any more than me

May gods love be with you

In The Sun by Joseph Arthur



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