Tuesday, December 06, 2005

The mystery is you...

I think it is funny that Jon has to sometimes remind me that life is not one of the stories I am writing and the people are not my characters. Therefore they won't always act the way that I would write them.
It is funny because I really do need to be reminded. I am always giving people too much or too little credit. I tend to fill in the blanks with what I think made them act or react certain ways and where their next step will take them. Sometimes it is uncanny how right I am with my guessing. I even had a silly ex-boyfriend accuse me of being some sort of psychic. I found this to be amusing, but not true at all. Truth be told I am just a good guesser and a lot of people are very predictable. Life is just one big chess game.
It is the people who I cannot figure out at all that keep me fascinated. I could lose days trying to unravel an atypical personality. A lot of people thought I would make a good therapist, but sometimes the emotional aspects of it all make me feel far too uncomfortable.
A lot of people mistake me for being a highly emotional person because I seem so open and fiery, but I am only comfortable with certain emotions. I am good with love, happiness, passion, conflict, and anger. I can deal with all of these things with ease and usually come away from any situation in a good way.
However, I am not good with real pain, loss, or grief. I have lost too many people and have too many of my own demons in those departments to be of any use to anyone else at this point in the game. I can't bring myself to tell another person in my life who is dying that "everything is going to be OK" because I can't say it with any conviction. They would know I was lying. There used to be a time I believed that, but that time has past. So now, when I am faced with loosing someone who I care about and who is reaching out to me, I am at a loss for words.


jky said...

A hopefully a helpful tip with pain, loss or grief...I personally look at these things as another chapter that has ended, in order for me to move on to the next...and at the end of the "Life Story", many wonderful lessons and sad tragedies will have been learned and emotions opened to the beginning of the end.....Everything happens for a reason. Hopefully this isn't too cheesy.

Michelle Auer said...

I can see the point you are trying to make and I thank you for being so sweet. I feel the same way once it happens, it is the leading up to it part, knowing it is coming & trying to be hopeful that I have a really hard time with.


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