Sean Patrick - 32 weeks

Here is the most recent video of his adorable little baby face. They say he is measuring at 5lbs and the 89th percentile.  They said everything is fine, mom and baby both super healthy, he is just a big baby! 

Bad Ideas- By Justin Davis & Sean P Bates at Sugarcomb Salon

My very talented boy, videos from last eve's party at Sugarcomb Salon!

The Hunger

I've found since I've announced this pregnancy, people tend to ask me a few of the same questions over and over.  

The first is always, "Is it a boy or a girl?"  It is a boy.

And the second is always, "Have you had any bad symptoms?"  Aside from some heartburn, I have been symptom free throughout this entire pregnancy.  Not even once did I go through morning sickness, afternoon sickness, or (like with Darian) evening sickness.   In fact, I was so symptom free in the beginning, I didn't really believe I was pregnant until I started showing, even after having it confirmed with an ultrasound! 

And the last question is always, "Have you had any weird cravings?" 

Yes I have!  I've tried to pay very close attention to what my body has been wanting, and coincidentally, a lot of the cravings I've had coincide nicely with what I've been reading as far as what I need at different phases of fetal development!  The body is a weird and wonderful thing when you learn to listen to it. 

 

Months 1-2: Apples everything.  Even before I knew I was pregnant, I wanted apples.  I swear I could even smell them better in the store and my mouth would water.  Apple pancakes, apple pie, apple and peanut butter, apple juice, etc anything apple. 

Month 3: Tomatoes and avocados.  I was eating them raw, with salt and pepper as a salad every day.  I was in love with them!  I actually became obsessed with a Ham and egg sandwich too, but soon found out that Deli meat was on the bad food list, so I had to stop eating it. 

At the end of Month 3 and beginning of month 4: I started to fall madly in love with fresh pineapple hearts.  I ate a lot of them.  I loved the taste, the smell, I was like an animal just tearing into whole pineapples.  So delicious!  I was also starting to find myself falling for dairy again.  Lots of milk, cheese and ice cream!!  And peanut butter and jelly for breakfast almost every day. Yum!

Months 5-6: I find that there is not one thing I'm especially craving, but I have quite enjoyed very ripe kiwi fruit and fresh raspberries.  I've also found myself wanting waffles quite a bit.  

The strangest thing I've craved was at about 20 weeks, we were having Mexican food and Sean ordered a margarita.  They brought the tequila in a sidecar for him to dump into the drink, I caught a whiff of it and for many days I found myself craving it.  This is probably right when I should have known he was a boy.  I don't even drink, so it was especially weird to be cravbing tequila!  Needless to say, he did not get any of that!  

Still waiting to see if that pickles on ice cream myth ever kicks in, but so far this child has steered away from that. I have eaten a pickle or three, but no more than the amount I eat when I'm not pregnant!  Kosher Dills have always been a favorite snack of mine! 

Dear Son, I love you.

Dear Son,

22 Weeks

I only just found out you were a boy last week.  I will admit, I was a little surprised.  I never imagined having a son.  Maybe it was because I've had so many wonderful little women in my adult life, and never really any little boys.  Sure, a few of my friends have amazing sons, but never anyone who lives nearby enough, or that I see often enough to where I feel like I was participating regularly in their son's lives.  I grew up with brothers, but raising baby boys is a mystery to me. It's an adventure I am looking forward to more and more every day.

I've been thinking a lot about the type of person you will be. Sure, there is all of the obvious stuff; will you have red hair and freckles like your dad, will you have grey eyes like your big sister, will you be super tall like my brothers... all of these things cross my mind when I imagine meeting you in a few months.

You have two big sisters who are both very excited to meet you.  Darian will probably seem like another parent to you as the age difference between her and you is about the same as the age difference between she and I.  She really wanted you to be a boy, because she wants to call you "little bro" and wants to teach you about video games, and comics and all of the things that are typically considered "boy stuff" that she really enjoys.  I have a feeling that your relationship with her will be a lot like mine with her.  She and I grew up together, and we have a very Mother/sibling type dynamic between us. Of course, yours with her will be more sibling than mother. I just see how she is with Sylvia, and how she is like a little mother, always trying to give direction and keep her on track in a positive way that only a big sister can, I can only imagine she will be the same way with you.

Then there is, Sylvia.  She is much closer in age to you than Darian is.  She can't wait to meet you. She asks me every week, "Is my little brother here yet?"
We told her on her birthday about you.  She was over the moon.  She is super excited to be a big sister.  She talks to you in my belly every time she sees me.  She has already offered to help with everything and wants you to sleep in her room from the day we bring you home.
I have a feeling she will also try to mother you quite a bit, like you are her own living doll.  She will want to introduce you to Pokemon and play dress up with you.  I think you two will have a lot of fun together.

My little man surrounded by all of these little women. I'm hoping that having all of these females around you will help you become a sensitive man, who has a real compassion and understanding of the fairer sex as an adult.  I don't worry too much about that though, because your Father is amazing, and sweet, and truly a compassionate person.  If you turn out anything like him, I will be so proud.

That is why I am giving you his name.  I've never met a man in my whole life who is kinder or more understanding, or has taught me more about what it is to really be in love or to be loved, than your father.  I could not think of any better tribute to him than to name you after him.  So, when you get older, and ask why we decided to make you a Junior, I will tell you, it is because you were made out of the most real kind of love and your name is a tribute to that feeling and that connection that he and I have.

I'm still kind of walking around in a daze because of you.  I've wanted you for so long, and really thought that due to turns I've taken on the road in this life, I've allowed too much time to pass to ever have you be a reality, but here you are.  I never expected I'd be having you, or that you were even a possibility.
I've seen you in the ultrasounds and now I feel you kicking up a storm every day, even as I write this, you are making your presence known.  You are this dream that is becoming a reality.
Since I met your dad a few years ago, this whole life with him has felt a lot like that.  I've never had so much happiness in my life as I have over this last few years.  And you are the cherry on top.

You have an extra special role in our family.  You are the son that gives our home balance, so your dad is no longer outnumbered by little women.  But more importantly, you are the brother and the son, the only person who is related to every single person in our house!  We are a family created and bonded in love already, but you will be the blood bond that ties each of us to one another forever.  You are the final puzzle piece that completes us and our home.  You are our little miracle.

I am less scared every day about the mystery of having a boy, but I am certain I will make mistakes as all parents do.  If there were just one thing I would want you to know from now until always, is that you are wanted and that you are special and that you are so very loved already.

Love,
Mom

Sean Patrick

I know, it has been a while.  This is the big project I've been working on for the last 5 or so months! Meet Sean Patrick!  We are very excited to meet him!

Art show happening right now!

Here are some of the new pieces as well as a cute picture of Sylvia helping show my work!

More about the show HERE

Sliding Doors

“Wherever we are now is just a step on the way to somewhere else. Whatever we do and however well we do it, it is only a preparation to do something else, something different than what we are doing at this moment.”
-Robert Louis Stevenson

No matter what you believe about fate, destiny, a bigger plan, or if you believe we just happen to exist and whatever will be will be, you must agree that life is fascinating!

The most important players on the stage of my life have all entered and exited throughout the years as if on cue. Sometimes going on nothing more than a gut instinct, I've made major life decisions, and I must admit, I am generally pleased with the outcome.

There has been a lot of change in my world over the last year. The most simplified version of the story goes like this: I got divorced, I met a man, I fell in love, I am very happy.
In some ways, even that story seems too intimate to share with all of the internet, but I feel that if I do not ever address it in any way, I will never be able to go back to the open dialog you have all come to expect from me over the years.

The story I came to share today is one of fate, destiny, or maybe it is just a story of random coincidence? I don't know, but it fascinates me nonetheless, and fills my brain full of romantic ideas and what-might-have-been's.

I will preface this story by telling you that I have always been a strong believer in life finding a way to direct you. If I feel like I am running into one road block after another and the universe is seemingly against me, I know I have veered off course. When I am on the right course, it seems like roadblocks no longer matter and things fall neatly into place.

Ten years ago I was sitting at a table at The Showbox having dinner and celebrating the holidays. The bands due to play that night were bands that my ex boyfriend played in (who turned out to be my future husband). I sat at the table with my then fiance (who I didn't end up marrying) to my right and a newly engaged lady to my left. Next to her was her fiance. Since we were both newly engaged, we spent a large portion of dinner chatting about wedding plans and ideas that we had. We were two young, happy girls, newly engaged and in love. It was a fun night! I was likely introduced to her fiance, but I don't really remember meeting him. I mostly remember talking to her about plans, and weddings, and being a little nervous about seeing Jon play after so much time had passed.

The girl eventually married her fiance, but I didn't marry mine. (Mine eventually met and married a woman who I have a lot of respect for and could not imagine anyone better suited for him. I am so happy they found each other!) I eventually reconnected with and married the ex who was playing on stage that night. I don't recall ever meeting the girl or her fiance again over the next many years.

I had no idea how significant that night was until now.

That night, sitting two seats over from me, was the man I am with now. The woman I spent the evening speaking to was the woman he married and eventually divorced. In those next ten years we have lived this parallel life, never meeting, but many times standing in the same room at the same show, we shared some of the same best friends, worked blocks from each other for years, but somehow never crossed paths until we were both single again. There were so many times we almost met had just one small act been altered, one different decision made.

The more I know him, the more stories we share, the more we find just how much our lives have been intertwined over this last ten years.

Since we met, things have become so easy. My career has taken off, my art has become more focused, my general level of happiness has greatly improved. I feel lighter and unburdened in a way I didn't think possible. Life is really very good. I am exactly where I am supposed to be, I am sure of it.

I've talked a lot about love and fate and destiny over the years, on the pages of this blog. I've shared my stories of how I've followed my heart and where it has lead me. I have lived some wonderful romantic real life fairy tales, and I am not trying to lessen those experience because I have a new, wonderful love.

Those stories were real, and perfect and tragic, and everything else you can think of. But what I have learned is that life doesn't stop once you are settled down. As long as you are breathing, you are growing and evolving as a person, and sometimes that means moving on from one thing and on to something new.

The past was just a chapter in my personal story, and I fully intend on embracing all of these future chapters with an open mind and heart, and a head full of wisdom collected from the past.

There are so many opportunities to love and live and find happiness given to us in this life. Our only job is to keep an open mind and heart, learn what there is to learn, embrace those opportunities and allow ourselves to live fully without regret.

Life is too short for anything else.

Dear Daughter,

As we approach the end of the second to last Summer of your childhood, I've had a lot of time to reflect on the last 17 years.

The Summer I was pregnant with you there was record heat in Seattle. It was miserably hot. I was working two jobs at two fast food chains, from 7AM to 9PM every day and only making $6.75 per hour. I remember days where my feet were so swollen after being on them all day, and it being so hot and me being so pregnant, that I could barely get my shoes off.

I remember turning 20 that August before you were born and being grateful I was no longer a pregnant teenager. I remember thinking that 20 sounded so much older and more grown up that 19, and for whatever reason, this small change gave me comfort that I was going to be OK. That WE were going to be OK.

And we were...

Now I have the advantage of reflection. You are nearly an adult, I've raised you the best that I can, and now I am reaping the rewards of a job well done.

No, I don't think I didn't make mistakes. Those are things that are most glaringly obvious to me in my reflections. If I were to go back and change anything, it would be the following:

I would have given you chores. I just wanted to enjoy you so much, and for so long I was just a child myself, so it seemed somehow "mean" to make you work. But now I think I did you a disservice by not making you clean your room or making you do the dishes, because I didn't make these things second nature to you. Now you will have to learn to do these things, just like I did, when you have your own household someday. (My other option being that I can buy you a lifetime of maid service. I guess we will see how that one pans out.)

I would have let you experiment with your clothes and hair more as a child. When other kids were showing up mismatched and with bed head to the 3rd grade, I made sure you always had a perfectly matched outfit and pretty hair. I was trying to give you what I didn't have growing up. When I was a child, I was always envious of those girls who came to school every day looking all pulled together. After a childhood full of brothers and ill fitted little boy hand-me-downs, I just wanted you to be the pretty little princess that the little girl in me had always wished she could be. By doing all of this for you, I feel I didn't give you a chance to experiment with your own sense of style, and now you prefer to keep it as simple as possible. Which, I guess in a way is your style, but I still feel like I should have given you that opportunity.

But those are simple things. Those are things that if you had been raised by two parents in a house, with a yard, and a white picket fence, you might have learned. But if those are the only things that I look back on and think that I have somehow failed you, then I feel like I've succeeded, and I have faith that those struggles will be simple things for you to deal with in the coming years. (Worst case scenario, when your house is a mess and you feel overwhelmed, you may feel free to blame mom for always doing everything for you, or call her and she will come take care of it for you!)

We have succeeded in more ways than I can count. You, my sweet, wonderful, most brilliant little girl, are the best daughter a mom could ever ask for. You, who still holds my hand in public, who has never told me you hated me, who tells people I am your best friend, who never went through a boy crazy phase, or a "mom knows nothing" phase, or an experimental drinking/drugs/sex phase, who isn't embarrassed to introduce me to her friends, and who never had a public temper tantrum and needed to be carried out of a store kicking and screaming. You, my beautiful little girl, have been a pleasure to both raise and to grow up with.

You have this amazing and strong mind that surprises me a little every day. You are stronger and smarter when it comes to matters of the heart than I ever was. It took me nearly 35 years to get that wisdom that seems to come so effortlessly to you. I'm certain you have taught me as much as I have taught you.

You don't put up with BS, you speak your mind in a way that is strong and concise but not mean. You know how to be empathetic without getting overly involved.
You have the most amazing ability to never let drama stick to you and to walk away from bad situations and make good choices. You have never battled with addiction or drug abuse or peer pressure.
You have never given in to the cast system that seems to plague so many high schools. Cliques and popularity have never meant anything to you and you have a healthy group of smart and interesting friends.
You can walk up on a stage and let your freak flag fly unapologetically in a way that I could never and still cannot do.
You are your own person, who knows your own mind, and who carries herself with a lot of grace and maturity that most teenagers (and most adults) do not possess.

My sweet little girl, I am so happy I am your mother. I am so proud of who you have become. I have loved every minute of watching you grow up and I love and respect the adult person you are becoming.

I have only the following wishes/advice for you:

1- Be strong, but don't be jaded.
2- Love someone with your whole heart at least once. If he breaks your heart, don't let it break you. If/when the time comes to walk away, do it with grace and don't be afraid to love again.
3- Choose your friends carefully, they become your family when you are older.
4- Don't ever be petty.
5- Choose very carefully what you want to do for the rest of your life. Take your time, don't rush into anything.
6- Don't grow up too fast. Enjoy every phase of life, they all fly by and you will miss them when they are gone.
7- Always know that you are loved more than anything else in this whole wide world.
and the most important rule of them all,
8- Always listen to your mother. (Or at least pretend that you are.)


Love,
Mom

Mailman thinks me dumb

Please check out this new Elliott Smith song that I've been listening to all morning long on repeat.

It reminds me of why we create art, music, children... it leaves echos of us behind after we are long gone from this place.

In that instance when you hear an unreleased Elliott Smith song, are standing in front of a Picasso, watching a movie starring River Phoenix, or see your daughter smile in a way that looks exactly like your grandma whose smiles you miss so much, those are the moments where we are immortal.

This is what drives us to create.

This is why we are artists.

It is not the only reason, and probably not a reason we would typically, openly consider. It is that quiet push that makes you pick up the guitar suddenly and strum a series of chords, and not stop until you have an entire song completed. It is what makes you fill a blank canvas, spilling all of your emotions of that very moment all over it in a series of colors and shapes.

We are recording pieces of us in a moment. Capturing who we are right now because we will never be that person again.

Time.

On my drive home from work today, I was stuck in traffic, watching the light in front of my car changing again and again, moving approximately one car space forward at every interval. I started thinking how familiar this felt to me. I realized there are huge spans of time in my past where my life felt exactly like this.

It is only when I’m carving my own path, choosing my own roads, and not following someone else’s ideas of who/what I should be or be doing, that I don’t feel like I am at a standstill. I am not waiting on some outside influence to tell me when it is OK to move forward.

I love being my own person. I will never take that for granted again.

Built to Spill - "Car"

Things I know for certain.

These are a few of the bits of advice that I've found to be useful over the years.

1- Always wear sunscreen. Every day, even if it is overcast.

2- Always wear stockings with a skirt. Unless you get a regular leg wax and have perfect skin tone, naked legs generally ruin an otherwise polished look. Never leave the house with naked stems sticking out from under your skirt unless you are on your way to the beach or poolside.

3- Invest in one really good pair of shoes and one perfect pair of shades. You will never regret it.

4- Get your hair professionally done. It is less expensive than you might think and you will be glad you did it in the long run.

5- Take advantage of your yearly teeth cleaning on your dental plan even if you have never had a cavity in your life.

6- Learn that saying "I'm sorry" really means; it won't happen again.

7- Don't drink at work functions even if the alcohol is free.

8- Always stand up for yourself. Be your own advocate and best ally.

9- Try to do something that you have never done before at least once a week. You will only regret the things you never tried and the dreams you were too scared to chase.

10- Love with your whole heart, without expecting anything in return, at least once in your life, so you will know how it feels. Having a child is an easy way to do this, but not the only way.

11- Don't let people hide behind email and text messages. If someone is being a bully, go, find them, look them in the eye and ask them in person to explain themselves.

12- Don't ever let a negative person rent too much space in your head. See #11

13- Don't ever be a "Do as I say, not as I do" parent.

14- Smile, every single day, as often as possible. Even if you don't mean it at first, you will eventually. Negativity always breeds negativity and bad luck.

15- Try your hardest to always live in the now. Right now is the only certainty we have. Don't waste your life wallowing in yesterdays sorrow or tomorrow's "what if's" Embrace your very own "right now" with your whole heart and enjoy the ride.

16- Always wear pretty underwear.

Happy New Year!!

Today's post is brought to you by Maya Angelou

This is really advice to live by. She already said it so perfectly, there was no reason for me to try to rewrite it.

Happy Holidays!

I hope you all have a wonderful and safe holiday season!


-xom

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.
I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life."
I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.
I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.
I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
-Maya Angelou

Show at Sugarcomb Salon next Saturday!

There will be art, music, photos and bees!

"Everything is going to be better now."

Queen Bee

Chewie is ready for the tea party.

He is going as the March Hare.

Thought for the day:

‎"Forgiveness is me giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me." -Anonymous

Hey, kid! Wanna buy some art?

Insomnia- 10x10 original acrylic on canvas- $95

I have posted several of my paintings on my Etsy account for sale. Please swing by and check it out. There are lots of great, original things to be found on Etsy. It's the perfect place to find one of a kind holiday gifts!!
I'm willing to negotiate with you if you are interested in buying more than one, just shoot me an email! If you are in Seattle, you can see them in person at my show:

Time	Thursday, October 21 · 6:00pm - 9:00pm
Location	Gibson 206 Showroom 87 Wall Street - Belltown Seattle, WA

Another Art Show!

Here is the FB link for the show if you do that sort of thing:
http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=103590413038170

Become a fan of my art on Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Art-by-Michelle-Auer/160445507300083

Time	Thursday, October 21 · 6:00pm - 9:00pm
Location	Gibson 206 Showroom 87 Wall Street - Belltown Seattle, WA

Art- Live Music- Good times!

Photography by Niffer Calderwood and Art by Michelle Auer

Live Music: The Moonspinners and FEELINGS, featuring Kurt Bloch and Leslie Beattie, will be playing sets for this event. Not to be missed!!

Please join us in the spectacular Gibson Guitar showroom in Belltown for Third Thursday!

If you missed Niffer and Michelle at the Barton Street Lofts last week, you have another chance to see their work! (If you were there, you should come to this show because it's gonna be a great time and there will be some new stuff exclusive to this show!)

I've got an art show happening next week!!

http://www.bartonstreetlofts.net/id11.html
http://westseattleartwalk.blogspot.com/2010/08/barton-street-lofts-september-show.html
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/event.php?eid=139297236109469
http://www.facebook.com/?sk=events&cs=2#!/event.php?eid=138996426138365

Finding me.

I'll be the first to admit it. This last few years have completely kicked my butt. There is no other way to explain it. I don't know what happened. I can't tell you the moment where the downward spiral started. There was no one thing, just fifty billion little things that piled up until I was buried.

I can tell you the day everything changed.

*May 27th.

I woke up to an email where someone had tagged me in a photo on Facebook. I knew I had just been to a show, and thought I was looking pretty cute that night, so I was not too worried.
I clicked on the link, and looked at the photo and all I could think was, "Who is that??"
What I saw looked like a pale, fatter, older version of me. It was not the me that I see in my head. Not the me that I've been for the last 3o something years. This was a less attractive relative with a lot of sadness in her eyes. I did not know this person at all.

I knew that getting braces last year was the beginning of my depression. I used them as an excuse to eat lots of carbs and ice cream. My excuse to myself was, "My face hurts and no one will ever think I'm pretty with these things anyhow, so who cares?"
Well, I will tell you who! The version of me one year later looking at the havoc I had reeked upon my body. She cared a lot!

There were other things, but I'm certain that was the catalyst. The proverbial straw that made me fall apart and gain like a bazillion pounds, let my roots grow out, and be generally an unhealthy person.

On that day, I woke up.
There is no other way to explain it. I told myself, it's now or never. I'm closer to 40 than 30, and I have no urge to get old just yet. I still have a lot that I want to do!

Today I weigh 3 pounds less than I have in all of my 30's and most of my 20's and I'm still losing. I looked at myself when I got out of the shower today. I mean, really took a hard look at myself, and guess what? I actually like my body again. I look good! And I worked hard and have earned the right to say that again and it is only going to get better.

Other people have noticed too, and have asked me what I'm doing. I'll do you one better. I'm going to make a list of all of the things that I've learned since May 27th. The list is for me to come back to and revisit if I go to that dark place again. The list is also for anyone out there who might find some inspiration in my experience.

Steps to a new life:

Step 1: Lose the weight.
I know, easier said than done. Trust me. I am the laziest person on earth when it comes to myself. I will go above and beyond to help other people, but when it comes to taking care of me, I will put it off like nobody else. But guess what. You are not getting any younger. It doesn't get any easier. And fat, doesn't give a crap about your excuses! It's as simple as that. So, decide today, recommit to yourself to be the best you that you can be. Lose the 10, 20, 30, 50 pounds you have been carrying around for the last however long. Guess what, you don't need it anymore.
And frankly, I don't care about all of the advice that I've seen all over the internet, "Do it for yourself, because you love yourself."
Yes, I agree we should love ourselves, but it is our lack of love for ourselves that got us to this place in the first place. Do it for whatever reason gets you up off the couch and motivated.
Do it because your significant other's ex is coming to town and you want to look amazing. Do it because your doctor told you to. Do it because you want to wear a slinky dress to your Christmas party, or you want to wear a bikini to the pool on vacation, or you want to spice up your marriage, or you want to date up. Frankly, I don't care what you tell yourself. Just do it. Because no matter what you tell yourself to get you started, when you start to go through the metamorphosis, and you start to really fall in love with yourself again, you will realize who you were really doing it for all along.

Step 2: Throw away all of your underwear. (and then go shopping)
I know that this is the strangest bit of advice ever, but it is very important. When you decide to lose the weight, reward your first 5 pounds with new underwear. Plan an entire afternoon and set aside a few hundred dollars or better yet, bring a credit card that you can max out, and go crazy.
I don't care what size you are, that first 5 pounds feels so amazing! It is the first major hurdle, and when you see that new number on the scale, it really puts an extra spring in your step.
5 pounds doesn't usually equate to smaller clothes, but throwing out all of your old underwear and replacing it with pretty new underthings really does do something for your mind. No matter what size you are, pretty undies are dainty. End of story. They make them in all sizes, and just knowing that you are wearing them under your clothes, is a reminder of why you are doing what you are doing and it makes you feel better about yourself. Also, not enough can be said about a well fitting bra. Take it from me, who has been lugging around a D cup for many years. A well fitting bra can make you look instantly 10 lbs lighter. if you are a woman and have boobs and have not been fitted in the last 3 years, take thee to Nordstrom right now.

Step 3: Get all new bedding.
I went to overstock.com and bought all new bedding after spending a weekend in a fancy hotel in New York. Something about crawling into bed under a fluffy down blanket and being surrounded by white cotton everything makes me feel good about myself. It's like being on vacation every day. I also invested in a new mattress which is a major life changer. It makes my bed one of my favorite places to be.

Step 4: Try something new.
I'll be the first to admit. I was in a routine and that was making me miserable. I was watching life pass me by doing the exact same thing day in and day out. Wake up, go to work, go home, fall asleep. By the time the weekends rolled around I didn't want to do anything or see anyone.
I find that signing up for classes is a good way to get out there and try something new. I've taken art classes, cake decorating classes, I even started playing piano again!
I have been making a point of trying something new at least once a week, even if it is as simple as going and hanging out with a new friend or watching a movie on the other side of town. Getting out of your comfort zone is so important. You won't love every new thing you try, but you will appreciate that you did it.

Step 5: Be reckless.
When I say this, I do not mean, "Go rob a 7-11" I mean, take a chance! Do something a little dangerous. If you don't drink, go out one night and drink a little too much. If you have never smoked, bum a cigarette off of someone you find attractive and tell them it is the first time you have ever smoked. Ask someone out on a date. Kiss a stranger. Dance on a table. Tell someone off who has had it coming to them for a long time. Get laid.
Do something/anything that will get your blood pumping and that feels a little dangerous. Then, when you feel that feeling, memorize it. That is what really living feels like.
Being a little reckless is the best way to be reminded of it, and that is why some people live their lives that way, chasing that natural high. My feeling is that if you have been mentally asleep for a lifetime, you need that rush to remind you why you are doing all of this. If you go about it the right way, that is a feeling that you can have in your every day life without being reckless at all.

Step 6: Forgive yourself.
I'm still working on this one, but I know it is something that needs to happen. You can't live under the weight of regret of failure. Life really is too short. If you can't forgive yourself, you won't ever be able to move forward. Look in the mirror every day before you start the day and tell yourself, "Today is going to be a good day." Guess what. Your brain is very literal, and if you do it often enough, you might actually start to believe it. And if you don't, what can it hurt?

Step 7: Clean house.
In every way. Get rid of clutter. Just throw it all away. Like the weight, there is no reason to hold onto these things/toxic relationships anymore. The same goes for people. If they make you sad more than they make you happy, it's time to let them go. You don't have to make a big production out of it, just give yourself permission to not answer the phone, or to say no, or to walk away from bad situations. You owe it to yourself and you will be better for it.

Step 8: Cry.
This is hard for me and I'm still working on it. I was convinced for years that my tear ducts were literally busted. It is so hard for me to cry, but when it happens, it is such an amazing sense of relief. I know that I have triggers. there are a few movies that will get me, so if it has been way too long, and I need to get it out, I will plan a night where I let it all go.

If you have read this far, that means you probably found something in here that you needed to hear too. To you, I wish you luck on your journey. Just try to remember, life can be really amazing if you give it a chance.


*Ironically, "the 27th of May" is a line in a song that Jon wrote about me called, Angelita. This is just a coincidence, and the date really had no significance to me until now, almost 8 years after the song was written!

Love at First Listen

It is not as often as I like that I fall madly in love with a song.

Sure, just like boys, I get little baby crushes on songs all of the time. Some are pretty, some are fancy, some are complicated in a way that they keep me interested until I figure out what's behind the curtain. But every once in a great while I have an actual, honest to goodness, love affair with a song.
I hear it.
It knocks me off my feet.
The music, the sounds, what it has to say.
Not a phrase out of place, not a note out of tune.
Like the song reached inside of my head and pulled out my feelings and put them into words.

That doesn't happen very often, but when it does, even when the song and I go through rough patches where I think, "I have had enough of it." but I always, eventually, find myself being drawn to it again.

I am writing to say, it has been a long time, but I have fallen head over heals in love...
with a song.

Falling by The Comas 2004

When the sun thinks of the moon..
does the sky get jealous too?
Like I used to.
Is this true?
Why its always black and blue.

Sometimes when I lie..
I've the truth still in my eyes.
But you saw through.
And it was cool
if I kept lying to you.

Now you are falling..
through outer space.
Its okay
cuz you're coming back someday.
And I've been crawling through outer space.
It's ok
cuz you'll pick me up someday.
It's ok
cuz you'll pick me up someday.

Now the paint chips fall like rain.
On the pillow where you slept away your pain
And again, and again, and again
Now I'm stuck here in this room
While you're tethered to the moon.
But you will soon come around
an I'll be waiting on the ground.

Now you are falling..
through outer space.
And it's okay
cuz you're coming back someday.
And I've been crawling through outer space.
And it's okay
cuz you'll answer me someday.
It's okay
cuz you'll answer me someday.

Fresh Paint

Heart Bandit

Alone Time

Collection (So far)

Katie Makkai - Pretty

Empty

Empty
Originally uploaded by pretty-kitty

This image popped into my head today almost on accident. I was on a call and on hold and, as usual, started to doodle in the margins of my intake form. The next thing you know, this little image manifested itself and I could not wait to get home and paint it.

I'm here for you.

I'm here for you.
Originally uploaded by pretty-kitty

By Michelle Auer
Painted May 9th, 2010
Inspired by my friends, my daughter, and some of my family. Sometimes all you need to hear is, "I am here for you."

Books & Keyholes

Darian and I went and saw the new Alice in Wonderland this weekend. I made the above painting as soon as I got home. It was visually inspired, but the story was a little uninspired.

The below photo is just something I was trying out. I did that thing where you just randomly open a book on the shelf, but instead of trying to play magic 8 ball with it looking for deeper meaning, I turned it into a canvas. I think the Keyhole was partially due to the fact this was done on the heels of finishing the Alice painting. (No classic books were harmed in the making of this painting. I scanned it and painted on the printed page.)

Inspiration

"Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly."

-Kafka

Quatre

I've been away for so long...

Where do you begin when you have taken a seemingly forever hiatus from doing something?
I have a theory that I am to art as bi-polar people are to mood swings. You just cruise along all normal and stuff and then, suddenly, a manic episode where everything is moving in fast forward. That is how inspiration hits me. I get really super involved in certain mediums for a truncated period of time. During that time, I am very prolific and create tons of stuff in that medium, but if I take a break from it, or get interrupted, boom, the ride is over, back to reality. I've done it with music, writing, drawing, photography, painting, sculpting, sewing, cake decorating, knitting... you name the genre and I have probably dabbled in it at one time or another.

My family has been kind enough to dedicate one of our very few and precious closets in our tiny city dwelling for me to store all of the supplies, so if the mood strikes me, I will be ready. They also don't seem to mind when I spend a long weekend in my pj's keeping strange hours just creating one thing after another like some sort of machine until finally I am nodding off and Jon tells me that it is time to go to sleep. In that tiny closet, I have supplies to do pretty much anything. I like knowing it is there. Opening the door is unlocking the things that are always swirling around in my head.

On that note, instead of trying to detail with words everything that has been happening in my life recently, here are many visuals to show you what I've been up to:

Chewie is still the cutest doggie ever and I discovered he has a teeny mustache:

There was The Posies show at The Croc where I got to see lots of friends I have not seen in ages:

A new art store opened in my neighborhood, so I've been painting:

and I went to SXSW for the first time. Here is a video I shot backstage:


more happened, but right now I'm distracted by an empty canvas across the room...

The Ballad of El Goodo

I'm sure most of you have already heard that Jon's dear friend and band mate, Alex Chilton passed away last Wednesday. I don't really have the words in me right now to string together everything that has happened in the days since we got the news, but I would like to share with you a touching scene in a hotel room in Austin, TX.
This is Jon Auer and Sondre Lerche preparing for the Big Star tribute to Alex Chilton that happened later that evening at SXSW 2010.

The newest member of the Auer family

Meet Chewie. (He's named after Chewbacca.) Isn't he the cutest? We adopted him from the pound. He was found wandering around the city, he was not tagged or fixed.

I walked into the shelter and he was the first dog that I saw. The minute I saw him I just KNEW I had to take him home.
Adopting him was the greatest decision ever. In the last week every person in our house has fallen completely in love with him. Not only does he bring nothing but happiness, we have gotten more exercise, spent more time outdoors, and just generally more family time than we have in ages.

He's so pretty when he runs! I must have walked 20 miles in the last week and have totally enjoyed it. I love how having a dog just gives you a reason to go outside and enjoy the world every day, even if you didn't think you were in the mood. It's so easy to hole up in the house and work on art, watch movies or just generally waste time. Having a dog changes all of that. It is amazing. I've already met and talked to so many of my neighbors that I've walked past since 1997 and never had a reason to talk to. Chewie makes everyone smile with his sweet little face. He is basically a superstar!

Here is Chewie making friends on his 1st visit to the off leash park.

I was thinking about our three exceptional pets this morning. Our two cats and one dog. They were all "throw away" animals.

Buddy I found at the shelter. He had only one whisker and tons of scratches. Now he is an amazing, beautiful, and super lovely kitty. You could not ask for a sweeter lap cat!

Moo was literally left out on the street in a box as a tiny kitten. He was terrified of humans. After a lot of work, we got him inside, and now he is the fattest sweetest cat of all time.And now, Chewie. He came home, and to our surprise was not only super well behaved, doesn't bark, doesn't chew things up, but he is also potty trained and gets along fine with the cats!! It amazes me that someone just threw him away. Their loss, our gain. (As I type this, Chewie is sitting on Jon's lap getting lots of hugs and cuddles.)

Best dog ever!