Give me my magic beans.

Memory triggers. I have so many of them.
Certain actions, flavors or scents remind me so vividly of people or things sometimes. Today the trigger is coffee.

I have been having a love affair with coffee since I was 15 when my first boyfriend took me to my first cafe'. It was this little cafe' in the middle of Nordstom in downtown Anchorage. (I know, by Seattle standards this hardly counts as a cafe' but this was Alaska in 1989. It was a cafe'. ) I loved that place and I was so crazy about the boy.

Coffee or tea was $0.25. You dropped a quarter in a little cup and helped yourself. All of the "alternative" kids would congregate there after school or when they were skipping school. There was always someone writing or drawing in a journal. There was always political commentary about what was happening in the world, where the next protest would be, the next dance and so on... It was a safe haven for all of the misunderstood kids, the misfits if you will.
For some of them it was the only place they would feel accepted all week, a place to detox from the bullies at school. For a long time it was a secret, almost magical, home away from home "where everybody knew your name". The irony that the cafe' was set up smack in the center of a store known for propagating conformity was not lost on any of us.
Eventually security started to run us out of the cafe'. They didn't like the look of all the strange hair colors and white makeup and lipstick on boys I guess. They said it was not the sort of clientele they were looking for.

The boy is no longer alive, but I still think of him and that magical time sometimes when I am having my morning coffee.
I have to wonder what he would be doing right now if he were alive. What would he think about what I am doing with my life? Would he be married? Would he have kids? Would we still be friends?

If he had not died would I still think of him while sipping my morning coffee?


Goodbye my friends.
I hope I get the chance
to know you again,
someday.

But not too soon
because I've got a lot to do
to make up for all of your
lost time.

Did it hurt when you finally let go?
Or was it in the blink of an eye?

Well, I need to know
so I won't afraid when my time comes to
be with you again.

I miss you.

-JD's Song DJL