Sunday, July 02, 2006

Not Going Home

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The apartment is quiet other than the random conversations people are having outside as they stroll past the window. It's hot today so there are more people outside and the windows are open. It is much louder here than it was in Alaska. I am more aware of the noise here after being away from it for a week.

My baby stayed with grandma for a chunk of her summer vacation. That is hard. I keep expecting her to come out of her room and ask me something or show me her new artwork like she does.

Being away from her is like missing a limb, you can feel it but it isn’t there. I know she enjoys her summers away, and I get used to it, but the first days are always the hardest. Jon worries about how hard it will be for me when she reaches adulthood and moves away. I can only pray that following her dreams doesn’t take her too far away from me. I still have another 6 or so years before she graduates, so I have a little time to wrap my mind around that one.

The much needed rest was exactly that; restful. No chaos, no noise, no drama, just peace and quiet and a few (a lot) of wild animals. I was seriously considering not coming home up until the moment the plane lifted off the ground. Even now, I don't feel like I am completely here.
moose 016
In Alaska I caught fish. I got seasick, rained on and wind/sun burned. I saw orcas, moose with baby, bears with babies, otters, sea lions, puffins and many other animals wandering around free and happy. (With that list you would think I went to a zoo, but that isn’t the case at all)
sisters
I visited some of my oldest friends, got to spend some time with my daughter’s older sister (They are starting to look so much alike) and spend some QT with my family, my mommy and my WSF.
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This morning we had breakfast with Jon’s father for his 60th birthday and now I am sitting at home with a tall stack of DVD’s watching them one at a time. (Well sort of, part of me is watching DVD's the other part of me is daydreaming and plotting my future.)

I don’t want to go to work tomorrow, but at least I have Tuesday off. Thank God for small mercies.


Not Going Home
By: The Elected


The tree in the front of the yard
is starting to grow
now that we've trimmed away the leaves
now look at it go
and that's just how I feel
now that we've started to reveal
all the things I thought I lost
and the hard time I concealed
and that's just how I know
how I felt the solid glow
how I felt the bitter cold
and no, I'm not going home
sometimes you just wouldn't dare
sometimes you can't go home
sometimes you're already there
when I look at you, i'm there...

7 comments:

Deb H said...

I wish you could've stayed longer. Mama & baby mooses were here again all day Sat. Darian & I had some play time yesterday. She is such a good kid.I love you all. Mom.

Suzy Mills said...

Sounds like you had a wonderful time. Your photos are fantastic.

Hope work today isn't too hard to cope with.
Welcome home.
xxxx

cricri said...

Darian and the other girl are absolutely identical :|
a cousin?

MJAPA said...

No, it is her older sister. She is actually 4 years older, but they look close in age.

The Duloks said...

Welcome back :)

robb said...

There has only been a few times in my life i thought i was going to die. That first pic reminds me of one of them. Warren was very nice not to tell me until we were safe that he felt the same way. Dang that was scary stuff...

Your blog is very good writing.
You need to write that Novel...
it would sell.

best,
RB

MJAPA said...

Haha! I actually told Jon that story when we were heading out. Luckily we had a really sunny day and th eboat's anchor worked. I will never forget the look on your face when we rolled up to pick you guys up from that trip. It was so tragic! But at least now you have a great fishing story! :-)

xom

 

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