Saturday, July 15, 2006

Corey

When I was a kid I used to have a reoccurring dream about my little brother. He and I were very close then. We did almost everything together. He was my only friend for years.

In the dream we would be out playing in the yard. He would jump on his bike and start riding off. I would yell to him that he should not go too far. I would chase after him. He would round the corner out of my sight. I would run around the corner and when I would get there, there would be the bike, still standing with no one riding it anymore. He was gone, just vanished. I would start to yell for him and run around looking for him, but I could never find him. I would wake up with this horrible feeling of panic and go to his room to make sure he was OK.

About nine years ago I had to throw him out of my apartment. I didn’t have a choice. We grew up, became two very different people, and we made two very extremely different lifestyle choices. I knew it came down to a choice between what he wanted to do and the safety of my daughter. We have not spoken since. I saw him once by accident at a club. We both tried to pretend we didn’t see one another and slipped out the door before we talked.

Last night I had that dream again, the first time in as long as I can remember and I keep thinking about him today.

I hope he is OK wherever he is and knows that even though I can’t stand his lifestyle choices I still love him.

Didn't you know.
It get's easier the more that I let go.
It get's easier the more that I don't know.
The only question now is where is love to go?
-jj

1 comments:

Deb H said...

I've always had similar fears & dreams about Corey, & now it seems they've come true. He's gone who knows whee, & I wonder if I'll ever hear from him again.

 

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