Friday, May 26, 2006

From the mouths of babes...

I've been doing some organizing and trying to get rid of the excess stuff I have in the apartment. I came across my old notebooks. From the ages 13-21 I kept pretty regular diaries. (After 21 my daughter was walking and talking and keeping me too busy to keep it up)
Most of the entries are the worst Goth poetry in the history of man, but a lot of them are just random entries about my feelings, observations and life in general.

I have pulled a few of my favorite's so far. (Please don't hold these things against me, I was just a baby when I wrote them!)
------------------

Age 13- This place (Alaska) is a big frozen prison and every day since we came here I have been serving time.

Age 13 or 14 (summer)- I never had a sister. Only all of these brothers. There are boys everywhere! What I wouldn't give for a sister?! We can't even pick a neighborhood to live in that isn't full of boys. The ones that are not related to me are always trying to kiss me or look up my dress. I hate boys. I hate everything about them. Someday I want to have a daughter. I want a daughter so much that I'm sure when the time comes, I will be cursed with a son!

Age 15- What is so sexy about hickies? They are just horrible ugly bruises. The girls in school wear them like badges. It all seems so brutal. If a boy ever gives me a hickie I'll punch him in the eye and give him a matching bruise!

Age 16- Last Friday I kissed a boy who I didn't know because one of my friends told me I didn't have the nerve to just walk up to him and kiss him. He was cute so I did it. Now he won't stop calling me.

Age 18- I will never marry but if I do, my husband will be a music man. I could never be happy in a home without music or with a man who didn't understand what it means to me.

Age 19 (Ranting about Darian's Biological father just after I found out I was pregnant) - I'm not in love with him, I have never been in love with him. I only dated him because he seemed like the perfect guy to drive my parents crazy. Now we are having a baby? I'm still a child! He makes me feel old, this whole life has made me feel old. I am the oldest girl in the world.

Age 20- Love is like a perfect vacation. It is exciting and revitalizing for the short term, but if you try to live there forever it will surely lose it's magic.

Age 21 (This was written 10/20/1995 the night I went to a Posies show in AK and met Jon for the first time) - I met a man tonight and felt something I have never felt before. A tug or a connection or chemistry. My heart stopped when I found out he was already married. No matter what happens I know that from this moment on my life will never be the same.


(I will add more if I come across any good ones)

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ell-
this is why you are my favorite ex-girlfriend!

misery guts said...

amazing.

 

Two going on twenty. Template by Ipietoon Cute Blog Design