Monday, December 12, 2005

She is lovely and amazing.


I had trouble getting to sleep last night. It probably had something to do with the really long nap I took in the middle of the afternoon. Darian and I watched Born into Brothels and it drained me so much emotionally I just passed out.
I really liked it. I found it to be extremely well done and aside from some swearing in subtitles I don't think there is anything wrong with letting your young adult watch it. It actually opened up some really interesting discussion between Darian and I. She was really moved by the kids stories and their photos. She asked me if this movie was made a long time ago. I asked her why she thought that. She said, "Because if the world saw this movie and saw what these kids had to deal with don't you think they would fix it by now and get them help?"
I wish it were that simple my love.

That is the part I hate about seeing her grow up. I get to witness first hand the world chipping away at her. I get to see the disappointment in her eyes when she realizes that we don't live in a world that is fair or kind to everyone, even children. I know as a parent I have to slowly introduce her to these realities when at the same time every part of me wants to protect her from it all.

She is the biggest reason I keep this blog. It is the adult version of her who I am writing to when I write this. She doesn't know about it now, but I figure someday she might be interested to read the things I pondered the most when I was younger. I always wished my parents had kept some sort of journals. It would have helped me understand them better when I was older.

She is so much smarter than I was at her age and that makes me both proud and scares the hell out of me. She is not only beautiful but she is fearless and confident. There is a part of me that is always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I watched her sleeping last night for at least an hour. She still sleeps with the same look on her face as she did the day I brought her home from the hospital. She still laughs in her sleep. She still loves me the most. I hope that never goes away.

I already hate the boy who will break her heart someday. She has not met him yet, but he is out there looming on the horizon, just waiting. I hope the world never breaks her spirit.

2 comments:

Suzy Mills said...

She's a very lucky girl to have you as her mum.

MJAPA said...

Thanks suzy. I am a very lucky mum to have a girl like her.

 

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